fast food chicken (CAC Edition)
Created | Updated Mar 19, 2006
If I could change anything I wanted in the world, I would rid the world of fast-food chicken. Chicken is a meat that is very much overlooked and under-appreciated. In fact, it is often not even referred to as “meat,” but as “Poultry” (a plight it shares with other food-birds and also fish, but I don’t feel sorry for fish because even some vegetarians eat them). It seems that few enough people in this world really value chicken.
Chicken is very good to eat, but some people consider it too plain to truly be considered “meat.” These red-meat fanatics may well say this as the blood drips from their slovenly, un-wiped chins, but it takes a true lover of food to recognize the subtlety and grace of the chicken’s flavor. The reason chicken is so wonderful a meat is its very “blandness.” Any chef can tell you that it takes more thought and energy to create the perfect chicken dinner than to simply toss a slab of cow onto a grill and call it good enough. Sure, the chicken may not have much flavor of its own, but that only makes it better, a blank canvas upon which a competent cook can create a masterpiece. The complex interplay between the herbs and spices can proceed uninterrupted by any aggressive flavors from the meat itself. Chicken is juicy and sweet, but not forceful. It is easily complimented by almost any side dish or wine, based on the seasonings it has or the manner in which it has been cooked. Yes, chicken is indeed a beautiful thing.
Unfortunately, chicken’s reputation is being systematically destroyed by fast food establishments. McDonald’s, KFC, and other such “restaurants” have taken chicken and turned it against us, deep-frying it, covering it in stale bread crumbs, or grilling it with no seasoning at all, then slapping it on a bun with mayo and calling it chicken. What an outrage! It is an insult to all chicken everywhere! Of course, this is the way that they treat all food, but chicken was already under appreciated. We have all heard our mothers say “eat this, it tastes like chicken” while trying to force some sort of steaming goo in our mouths. This goo, more often than not, tastes almost, but not entirely, unlike chicken. The reason for the phrase is that chicken has little taste of its own, so people are free to pretend that it tastes like anything they want. Fast food is the worst offender against the sanctity of chicken. They offer chicken as a healthy alternative, as indeed it is, but at what cost?
In order to change this lamentable coarse of events, I could write letters to my senator or the president to outlaw fast food chicken. Probably, these letters would be ignored. I could also start a protest, but that would make me very tired and probably get me arrested. Arson of all KFCs in the country is always an option, but it would be time consuming, immoral, illegal, and expensive. This leaves only one option. I hope to one day become or marry the president of the U.S. This way, I could help formulate legislation permanently banning chicken from use by fast food restaurants, and giving chicken its own federal holiday, on which there would be no work or no school. It would be a day free from interruptions as the whole country took time to honor properly cooked chicken.
Chicken is more than just a food. It is an art form. Only those who are properly trained in the subtleties of the chicken and its seasonings can truly appreciate it. Those who do not value chicken should just not eat it, rather than seeking to destroy it. Fast food chicken goes against all the laws of chicken preparation and thereby gives it a bad name. I hope to some day be in a position to change that and give chicken the recognition it deserves.
Chicken is very good to eat, but some people consider it too plain to truly be considered “meat.” These red-meat fanatics may well say this as the blood drips from their slovenly, un-wiped chins, but it takes a true lover of food to recognize the subtlety and grace of the chicken’s flavor. The reason chicken is so wonderful a meat is its very “blandness.” Any chef can tell you that it takes more thought and energy to create the perfect chicken dinner than to simply toss a slab of cow onto a grill and call it good enough. Sure, the chicken may not have much flavor of its own, but that only makes it better, a blank canvas upon which a competent cook can create a masterpiece. The complex interplay between the herbs and spices can proceed uninterrupted by any aggressive flavors from the meat itself. Chicken is juicy and sweet, but not forceful. It is easily complimented by almost any side dish or wine, based on the seasonings it has or the manner in which it has been cooked. Yes, chicken is indeed a beautiful thing.
Unfortunately, chicken’s reputation is being systematically destroyed by fast food establishments. McDonald’s, KFC, and other such “restaurants” have taken chicken and turned it against us, deep-frying it, covering it in stale bread crumbs, or grilling it with no seasoning at all, then slapping it on a bun with mayo and calling it chicken. What an outrage! It is an insult to all chicken everywhere! Of course, this is the way that they treat all food, but chicken was already under appreciated. We have all heard our mothers say “eat this, it tastes like chicken” while trying to force some sort of steaming goo in our mouths. This goo, more often than not, tastes almost, but not entirely, unlike chicken. The reason for the phrase is that chicken has little taste of its own, so people are free to pretend that it tastes like anything they want. Fast food is the worst offender against the sanctity of chicken. They offer chicken as a healthy alternative, as indeed it is, but at what cost?
In order to change this lamentable coarse of events, I could write letters to my senator or the president to outlaw fast food chicken. Probably, these letters would be ignored. I could also start a protest, but that would make me very tired and probably get me arrested. Arson of all KFCs in the country is always an option, but it would be time consuming, immoral, illegal, and expensive. This leaves only one option. I hope to one day become or marry the president of the U.S. This way, I could help formulate legislation permanently banning chicken from use by fast food restaurants, and giving chicken its own federal holiday, on which there would be no work or no school. It would be a day free from interruptions as the whole country took time to honor properly cooked chicken.
Chicken is more than just a food. It is an art form. Only those who are properly trained in the subtleties of the chicken and its seasonings can truly appreciate it. Those who do not value chicken should just not eat it, rather than seeking to destroy it. Fast food chicken goes against all the laws of chicken preparation and thereby gives it a bad name. I hope to some day be in a position to change that and give chicken the recognition it deserves.
