Suicide Music – Music for Killing Yourself
Created | Updated Dec 13, 2004
When the time comes to kill yourself, and lets face it, we all think about it every Monday, then the choice of music to which you do it is an important factor. If you need to purchase CDs it may take away the spontaneity of the moment, and that would be a shame. MP3 download and P2P systems can speed up the process of killing yourself, but UK dial-up access speeds are depressing enough when you're in a good mood.
There are three main styles of music to die to:
1. Depressing Indi Toss
Radiohead, The Verve, Coldplay etc and good choices. Once you start listening, a quick death (such as shooting yourself in the spuds), will be inevitable. However, when the police are cleaning you up, they wont think that you'd made any effort at all.
2. Meaningful/Classical
A more appropriate style may be classical. If you're uneducated/stupid you can watch satellite TV until an advert comes on (5mins), and write to the company who's product intrigued you to ask what the music is. There's nothing that makes slowing slipping away on sleeping pills a nicer experience than "The Four Seasons". Beautiful.
3. Joke Music
If you're a media whore (I'm thinking about you Jamie Oliver), and want to kill yourself (you know you want to), why not go in a way that'll get you in the papers? Stove your own head in to "Bang bang Maxwell's silver hammer"; or slit your own through to the theme from The Benny Hill Show, it's all good. I'd even buy you the CD.
In summery: You should choose wisely, housemates may have to hear it playing when they find you in the bath, the police will find it in the CD player, or robbers may steel it when they make of with your stereo, leading the police to think that it was aggravated burglary, and not bother looking for your note.
There are three main styles of music to die to:
1. Depressing Indi Toss
Radiohead, The Verve, Coldplay etc and good choices. Once you start listening, a quick death (such as shooting yourself in the spuds), will be inevitable. However, when the police are cleaning you up, they wont think that you'd made any effort at all.
2. Meaningful/Classical
A more appropriate style may be classical. If you're uneducated/stupid you can watch satellite TV until an advert comes on (5mins), and write to the company who's product intrigued you to ask what the music is. There's nothing that makes slowing slipping away on sleeping pills a nicer experience than "The Four Seasons". Beautiful.
3. Joke Music
If you're a media whore (I'm thinking about you Jamie Oliver), and want to kill yourself (you know you want to), why not go in a way that'll get you in the papers? Stove your own head in to "Bang bang Maxwell's silver hammer"; or slit your own through to the theme from The Benny Hill Show, it's all good. I'd even buy you the CD.
In summery: You should choose wisely, housemates may have to hear it playing when they find you in the bath, the police will find it in the CD player, or robbers may steel it when they make of with your stereo, leading the police to think that it was aggravated burglary, and not bother looking for your note.
