The Barbeque
Created | Updated Mar 30, 2002
Varying in size from the incredibly small to the rediculously large, the barbeque has become a staple of the suburban North American psyche. As this century has progressed, the barbeque (often shortened to BBQ, but should not be confused with B.B. King) has moved from a casual beach utility to the central social gathering place of the suburban back yard.
Weather permitting, the barbeque often acts as the gathering place for suburban men to relish in the transformation of unprocessed raw animals into burnt unprocessed raw animals while consuming grain or citrus-based beverages flavoured with alcohol. At times the "cook", usually identifiable as the man wearing a large apron with a non-offensive and mildly bemusing slogan written on it(Note: he may also be wearing a chef's hat to signify his position as chief meat burner, but this item is optional), will combine his meat burning with the beverages so as to add more "flavour" to the meat being burned and gain greater admiration for his meat burning prowess among the other men gathered around the barbeque.
If one wishes to try and partake of the "barbeque experience" or if one is unwittingly caught up in a barbeque, it would be most advisable to act as others around you do, for the North American suburban males tend to be very protective of this ritual and are taken to large, aggressive outbursts if anything happens to threaten their ritual. Partake of a grain or citrus-based alcoholic beverage and talk about the local sports team while makeing occasional glib remarks to the various small children running around the general vicinity. Observe the burning meat on the barbeque and give phrases of encouragment and satisfaction to the "cook" which will be readily identifiable. Do not make any negative comments of the "cook"'s meat burning abilities or offer any advise on improving his meat burning technique, as this will trigger the afformentioned large, aggressive outburts.
Please note that this has been written yp until this point from the viewpoint of a man because 1) the author is a man; and 2) while a growing number of North American suburban women also are partaking of the meat burning ceremony in the role as "cook", the majority of "cooks" when it comes to barbequing are still men. If you are a woman and find yourself at a barbeque where the "cook" is a man, here are some basic guidelines to follow to survive.
1)When offered a drink, it will probably be a grain or citrus-based alcoholic beverage. Do not immediately partake of this beverage, but instead politely reject it several times before accepting it. There may be different alcoholic beverages offered to you than the men, for example wine. Feel free to readily accept these when first offered as per your own taste in drink.
2)Most likely you will be asked to help prepare some form of "salad"(either potato, lettuce or pasta-based) or a "desert"(usually cake or gellatin-based) instead of watching the meat burning at the barbeque.
3)While waiting for the meat burning to take place, sit with the other excluded women at a "picnic table" which will most likely contain assorted "salads" and "deserts" along with various eating utensles. Conversation can vary a great deal so it is easier to observe the conversation before partaking of it, but some general topics of conversation may be the actions of the various assorted small children running around the general vacinity, the actions of the men gathered around the barbeque, education issues and health issues.
A barbeque-event can be a scary and bewildering thing, but it can also be a facinating experience if one is prepared. I wish you the best of luck with your experiences traveller!
Weather permitting, the barbeque often acts as the gathering place for suburban men to relish in the transformation of unprocessed raw animals into burnt unprocessed raw animals while consuming grain or citrus-based beverages flavoured with alcohol. At times the "cook", usually identifiable as the man wearing a large apron with a non-offensive and mildly bemusing slogan written on it(Note: he may also be wearing a chef's hat to signify his position as chief meat burner, but this item is optional), will combine his meat burning with the beverages so as to add more "flavour" to the meat being burned and gain greater admiration for his meat burning prowess among the other men gathered around the barbeque.
If one wishes to try and partake of the "barbeque experience" or if one is unwittingly caught up in a barbeque, it would be most advisable to act as others around you do, for the North American suburban males tend to be very protective of this ritual and are taken to large, aggressive outbursts if anything happens to threaten their ritual. Partake of a grain or citrus-based alcoholic beverage and talk about the local sports team while makeing occasional glib remarks to the various small children running around the general vicinity. Observe the burning meat on the barbeque and give phrases of encouragment and satisfaction to the "cook" which will be readily identifiable. Do not make any negative comments of the "cook"'s meat burning abilities or offer any advise on improving his meat burning technique, as this will trigger the afformentioned large, aggressive outburts.
Please note that this has been written yp until this point from the viewpoint of a man because 1) the author is a man; and 2) while a growing number of North American suburban women also are partaking of the meat burning ceremony in the role as "cook", the majority of "cooks" when it comes to barbequing are still men. If you are a woman and find yourself at a barbeque where the "cook" is a man, here are some basic guidelines to follow to survive.
1)When offered a drink, it will probably be a grain or citrus-based alcoholic beverage. Do not immediately partake of this beverage, but instead politely reject it several times before accepting it. There may be different alcoholic beverages offered to you than the men, for example wine. Feel free to readily accept these when first offered as per your own taste in drink.
2)Most likely you will be asked to help prepare some form of "salad"(either potato, lettuce or pasta-based) or a "desert"(usually cake or gellatin-based) instead of watching the meat burning at the barbeque.
3)While waiting for the meat burning to take place, sit with the other excluded women at a "picnic table" which will most likely contain assorted "salads" and "deserts" along with various eating utensles. Conversation can vary a great deal so it is easier to observe the conversation before partaking of it, but some general topics of conversation may be the actions of the various assorted small children running around the general vacinity, the actions of the men gathered around the barbeque, education issues and health issues.
A barbeque-event can be a scary and bewildering thing, but it can also be a facinating experience if one is prepared. I wish you the best of luck with your experiences traveller!
