Flipping TV
channels, you encounter this:

Brighton:
(horrid fake Aussie accent) G'Day, everyone!
Host: spa(Goofy smile) Well Hi,
Brighton! Let me ask you- is this actual new technology?!
Brighton: That's right, guys! Now you too can cut
tomatoes to perfection! Using our cutting- edge, patented
microblade technology, you'll never have to sharpen, polish, or
even wash this knife, or any other, again! (applause)
Host: spaThat's crazy amazing! But
wait a minute-- how much is this knife set going to cost?!
Brighton: Well, valued at $40, I can let you have it at
the extra-low price of $39.99!!
Host: spaOh, come on now Brighton...
you gotta do better than that!
Brighton: Okay, but this is just a Great Inventions
special offer...I'll give it to you for only $34.99!
Host:spa
Hmmm...
whatdaya think, audience? (hearty 'boo')
Brighton: Okay, you've got me. I'll offer you the knife
set, instruction video, and this super-advanced hand-held
blender...a $563 value...all for $29.99!! (impressed applause)

Don't
Panic!! Just change the channel- quickly. You have
encountered a Paid Television Advertisment. These are full, half
an hour long 'shows' to sell such wonderful items as food
dehydrators, food slicers, food dicers, food cookers, food
friers... but that's not all. They try to sell carpet cleaners,
excersise machines...custom makeup, face cremes, wonder
medecations...the list goes on. In fact, the only diversity
existing in the world of Paid Television Advertisments is what
exactly they're trying to sell. From there on, they all follow
suit.

1) Introduction:
The advertisment is *never* truly an advertisment, but a show
which lets us know about new, exciting products.

2) The Host: Is
way too happy, way too confused, and seriously lacks
intelligence.

3) The Inventor:
Is always either from Australia or South Africa, or is someone's
great grandmother with a secret home recipie.

4) The Audience:
Is reminisent of the crowd in Shakespeare's "Julius
Caesar".

5) The Product: Is
always an 'improvment' on something perfectly fine as it is (A
pot, a toothbrush, a cheese grater)

6) The Price: Is
at least $50 under the 'actual value' of the item.

Just...stay away
from them.