--------------- xXx ---------------

Vogon Terms of Friendly Engagement...

-------------- xXx ----------------

Vogon Battle 'Assault strength' poems invoke.. opponent's guts to
strangle their own brains..

Rehearsed and Practiced as 'friendly'.. the following Vogon warning
explains..

Apply your neck brace now.. and you'll probably be just fine..

For to kill you with my poem.. would be well.. such a crime !

-------------- xXx ----------------

Somewhere in a slightly more distant Galaxy..


Transporter beams lock.. there's the smallest delay..

then Enterprise is gone..

Target zone… nearest Super Nova.. melting crystals..

With warp drive.. full ON !!…


Kirk beams with a smile.. 'Well done Scotty..'

'Vogons surely cannot pursue..'

Then confidence fades… as alien speaker invades..

'Hi Kirk.. What kept you !'


'AND.. While waiting… I wrote you a poem…'


----------------- xXx ----------------

'My plan now is to dismantle your Starship..'

'Dispatch parts to scrap merchants… and rare metal Smelters !'

'As quite frankly Dear Kirk, Scotty and Spock..'

'I've seen prettier World War 2.. Anderson Shelters..'


'Now that I've got your attention..'

'I'll slip in my Destructor Poem..'


'Oh for the wings of a Gurglly'

'Doth for the wings of a Glove'

'Oh Dear… your Enterprise is Flurggly'

'AND.. Grass on no moss growns !'

----------------- xXx ----------------


Kirk loudly transmits.. customary Warning...

'Jeltz.. Beware.. We'll stand still.. and fight.. I Implore..'

Then slyly into microphone whispers..

'Mr Scott.. give me Warp Factor 4 !!'


Silence..


Kirk to Bridge.. 'Should we hang around fighting.. '

'Risking death.. or try to Survive.. ?'

'Heck No !!.. Mr Scott... usual cop out..'

'Deliver me…. Warp factor 5 !!'


Silence..


Scottys voice over intercom echoes..

'Captain.. 50 miles per hour… is all we can muster… '

'The Vogon poem has completely disorientated… '

'Our central Deuterium Cluster..'


'And three of our crew… strangely… '

'Never seen in episodes.. Before..'

'Lie dismembered…. disembowelled and dead… '

'Prostrate.. on the cargo bay Floor !'


Vogon Speaker ...


'Kirk !! .. Did you never stop to think... '

'About our Earth Destruction Act..'

'Did you never even bother… to put yourselves out.. '

'And simply study the Facts..'


'Why we left untouched.. your sister planets.. '

'And even left out your Sun..'

'Which were also.. by virtue of orbits.. '

'In the way of our 'Hyperspace Run' !!'


'We destroyed the Earth.. not as supposed..'

'To create a Hyperspace Way…'

'But rather to kill your actor.. Will Smith..'

'For his cruelty in… 'Independence Day..'


'You see his act made it personal.. '

'Between him… Me.. and my Brother..'

'The crashed Alien he hit.. right square in the face…'

'Well… she was our Mother !!'


'But hey.. that's enough of me… '

'Telling you full details of our plot... to impress..'

'You're not James Bond .. and there's no red… ABORT button…'

'To hit… to escape your Distress..'


'Your warp drive won't warp.. protector shields are in tatters.. '

'We've forced them both to expire..'

'Using just a single 'Destructor Vogon Poem..' '

'And a microphone… on a 2 metre wire..'


'That's the superior power dreamed up.. by Douglas Adams..'

'Painting stories.. to match Picasso… Renoir or Turner..'

'Whereas… your Gene Roddenberry… painted by numbers..'

'Formulaic.. and motivated by … just a right little Earner !!'


So now with your Starship disabled..

I may just as well finish you off..

All it will take is a mis-placed vowel or two..

Or just… a Splutter.. a Gurgle.. or Cough !


To be continued…

StainlessRider

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