So you think we have a problem? was the first thing Ori heard upon waking, stiff, in a tree.

'I'd say so! These primates are not an improvement.'

They're called humans. At least, that's what they call themselves.

'I'd call them a lot of things, none of them nice. I don't think they understand causation as well as you think they do, either. 'Sacrifice', my pinfeathers.'

Prajapati sighed. Something's definitely going on in their noodles. Tell you what: I think we need to take a look under the hood.

Ori thought quizzical thoughts in the direction of the psychopompic communicator. Prajapati chuckled in response.

Just hop in the Paternoster. I'll need your help for this.

Ori flew around over the river, just for the exercise. After a bit, Ori spied the Paternoster in a cloud bank. Ori hopped in…

…and got a surprise.

Instead of going down as usual, the Paternoster went sideways, to Ori's right. The ride was a bit bumpy. At first, all Ori saw were clouds. Then darkness, stars, and streaks of multicoloured light. After that, weird blobs and oddly-shaped unicellular organisms, huge, colliding with one another. Then more clouds. Dizzy, Ori decided this ride might be better with closed eyes.

When Ori opened them again, everything was very green.

'A garden? Like in the Penthouse? Odd,' said Ori, and started to step out of the Paternoster.

WAIT!

Ori stopped.

We're in their noosphere right now. The part where we find out what the humans think they're doing. It contains the projection of their thoughts. You need to be careful: interacting with it can have strange effects. You have to let it do its thing, so to speak. You may find it hard to recognise yourself in there. Things could get rather…counterfactual.

'Counterfactual?'

In the human noosphere, we're interacting with the mental models the humans have. Which may have little or nothing to do with reality per se. Matter of fact… Ori detected some hesitation on the part of Prajapati… that's why I can't go in there. I might get stuck. The whole matrix could go south pretty rapidly.

Ori didn't know what to say to that and so said nothing. 'Can I step out now?'

If you're ready.

Ori took a deep breath and exited the Paternoster.

This was weird. Ori didn't know what to expect but was still overwhelmed. A tingling, all over. A sense of contortion – of wriggling in anatomical places Ori had never been aware of having before. A sense of simultaneous shrinkage and expansion in mind and body.

Oh, and a loss of appendages.

Ori tried to flap wings that weren't there. To move arms and legs that were suddenly missing. 'What in the world…?'

Finally, Ori figured out a means of locomotion: by stretching the back muscles. And then contracting them. This worked better than Ori at first thought it would. At first slowly, then with increasing speed, Ori began to navigate the somewhat convoluted paths of the garden. Wriggling turned out to be kind of fun, if a little disconcerting when you'd never done it before. Ori varied wriggling with undulating, then a bit of a ripple…

And found a pool. A pool whose waters reflected. There, Ori beheld a disturbing sight.

The angel had turned into a snake: a very picturesque one, admittedly, but still…a snake. No wings. No legs. No arms. No…ears, for harmony's sake. By watching the reflection in the pool, Ori was able to work out how to move: forward, backward, sideways, up, down… after a few minutes it got easier. Ori even figured out how to use the usual impulses to raise an arm or flex a foot in order to move this or that part of the snake-self. This became more comfortable with practice. But it was still confusing.

'THAT'S what I look like here?' Ori wondered. 'Why?'

That's what we're here to find out, said Prajapati. See if you can find any humans about in this fantasyland of theirs. We need to have some dialogue.

Ori moved on, still working on locomotion. Ori slithered along the path in a zigzag motion, head up, tongue darting in and out. It was amazing how much information could be gleaned from a forked tongue: water was this way, some very fragrant flowers that way. It was warmer over to the right: Ori headed in that direction and soon detected the smell of fruit trees – and a human. Definitely worth pursuing.

Zigzagging along, Ori sang one of his favourite songs:

It's the gift to be simple, it's the gift to be free, it's the gift to come down where we ought to be…

Ori stopped because what came out was

'Eww! They've got a warped sense of melody, these humans!'

Any species whose overwrought imagination could turn an angel into an oversized cobra was dangerous, so Ori moved cautiously (and silently) in the direction of a grove. Choosing concealment wrapped around the trunk of a fair-sized fig tree, Ori listened in as two humans had a conversation.

'See that tree? That's the one the insects go to. The Creator says we shouldn't eat from that tree. It's special.'

Ori peeked. The speaker was a male human. He didn't have any clothes on, unlike the humans Ori had seen before. At least he hasn't killed any animals, thought Ori. Hey, Prajapati – did you tell these humans not to eat the figs in this tree?

I did not, replied Prajapati. I don't talk to them. It would be bad for my mental health, and theirs, I suspect.

The male human walked off in what seemed to Ori to be a self-important way, leaving a female human, also nude, alone in the grove. She combed her long hair with her fingers and hummed a tune to herself as she sat down under the fig tree.

Ori noted that the tune she was humming sounded exactly like the one that had come out when Ori tried to sing 'Simple Gifts'. This is strange, Ori thought.

An insect buzzed around Ori's head. Ori flicked at it with a forked tongue. This annoyed the insect, which stung Ori.

'Ouch!' said Ori. Only it came out as 'Ssssss!' Ori undulated down the tree, using the bark to scratch the bite.

The young woman jumped. 'Oh!' she said, looking up.

'Hi,' said Ori in embarrassment. 'I'm Ori. What's your name?' It sounded lame, but it was the only thing Ori could think of to say.

The woman gave Ori a long, appraising look and shook her long hair. Then she batted her eyelashes coyly at the snake. 'Hello-o,' she cooed. 'I'm Eve. Pleased to make your acquaintance.'

Ori felt skin tighten under scales. This was an uncomfortable feeling. But the woman made Ori feel unsettled. Ori had the sense of being harassed in some inappropriate way. 'Er, this is a nice garden…plant it yourself, did you?'

'Adam and I did,' was the reply. 'Well, I did most of it. Adam just moves the big stuff. He says I'm supposed to be his 'help meet', whatever that is. That mostly means doing all the work Adam doesn't want to do.'

'I see,' said Ori, who didn't. 'Why did…Adam, is it? say you shouldn't eat these figs? They look perfectly ripe to me, and it's a sin to waste food.'

Her eyes got wider. 'You think we should eat them? Adam says not to. I think he's afraid he'll accidentally swallow one of those bugs. Of course, he has his own explanation for everything.'

So I heard, thought Ori, but said aloud, 'I imagine you could avoid swallowing a bug. Just wash the fruit. Fruit's a good source of vitamins and sugar. Much better than eating animals,' Ori added hastily, wanting to plant the idea of vegetarianism firmly in this human's mind.

Eve nodded. 'I'm sure vitamins and sugar will make you really smart, huh?'

Ori thought about it. 'Well, they're probably good for brain activity, I suppose..' Ori began. But that's as far as the thought went because Eve was way ahead of him. She'd heard what she wanted to hear.

'Yay!' she laughed. 'Now I know something that Adam doesn't! Won't he be surprised!' And, taking a leaf from the fig tree, she piled it full of figs and scampered off.

Ori slithered out of the tree and headed back to the pond. Talking to humans made Ori's head hurt. Also, Ori's throat was dry. The cool water tasted good after that. Ori decided to bask awhile in the sun and doze awhile.

Ori's restorative nap didn't last long.

'Oh, no! What have you done, woman?' Adam's angry shouting woke Ori with a start. The humans were coming this way – and arguing loudly.

'We have eaten of the Forbidden Tree! Now we're DOOMED!'

One thing you have to say about Adam, said Prajapati. When he does a bit, he really commits to it. The shouting got louder as the two humans approached.

'You just made that up!' yelled Eve. 'See! There's the snake I told you about! HE told me it was okay!'

I didn't say… thought Ori. And besides, I'm not a 'he'. Or a 'she'. I'm just a 'me'. Ori started to leave, but Adam stepped out and blocked the path.

'You are an evil snake!' Adam yelled. 'You got us both in trouble!'

This made Ori angry enough to rear up in an impressive display of cobra hood. 'I did no such thing! YOU made up silly rules! And then you broke them. And now you're trying to find somebody else to blame. Me, your…er, Eve…next, you'll be blaming Prajapati. Or the sun! Or the insects! Just…go away!'

Something strange happened next. It was probably the oddest part of the whole bizarre trip so far.

The sky got dark. Ori looked up: there were clouds in front of it, dark clouds, blotting out the light. There was a flash of lightning, followed by thunder and rain in large drops. The humans shuddered in fear and hugged each other.

'It's Prajapati! He's angry at us! Run away!' And the two of them dashed, not into the garden, but away from it, across a broad plain and toward the mountains in the distance. Ori hadn't noticed these topographic features before: it was as if the landscape had suddenly altered itself with their thoughts.

Ori remained alone in the path. Looking back through the pouring rain, Ori saw the grove of trees appear to shrink in the distance. A stone wall sprang out of the ground, separating the pond from the trees. In front of the wall glowed orange flames.

Those people have too much imagination, said Prajapati. I think you'd better head for the Paternoster. This could get even uglier.

Ori undulated, slithered, scooted, as fast as possible under these conditions, in the direction of the Paternoster, which was rocking back and forth in rhythm to the thunderclaps. Ori launched the snake-body at the open lift, bouncing off the back wall and landing just in time for the Paternoster to take off again.

First sideways, then down a bit, then, to Ori's astonishment, diagonally. As the sound of thunder receded in the distance, and the Paternoster resumed more normal motion, Ori looked down and saw – with intense relief – a more normal angelic form.

That was no fun at all, thought Ori, and Prajapati agreed.

We're going to need to work on this, was all Prajapati said.

Dmitri Gheorgheni