h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Simon Callow is how I imagine him.

In the extended editions they do have the old man Willow scene - but it's in Fangorn forest and Treebeard rescues Pippin and Merry from the tree. I was really happy to see that when I saw the film.

I would have liked to see the barrow wights, or any other way of getting weapons to the hobbits without having had Aragorn schlepping them around on the offchance.

And I'd definitely loved to have dispensed with a lot of that Arwen guff in favour of having the balrog-slayer himself show up - and he could have given us a bit of information about reincarnation so that when we have the elves slaughtered at Helm's Deep (ow ow ow my eyes!) at least we would have known it wasn't the real end for them.

Yeah, that might work, but I was thinking someone more irritatingly smiley happy than Callow. A male equivalent of Bonnie Langford, who would probably make a good Goldberry.

Ah, right. Maybe it's best they left Bombadil out after all

Bill Oddie would make a good Bombadil.

oh please no!

I've seen Bill Oddie get very grumpy.

since we seem to have gone right off the topic of reincarnated elves - what about Goldberry? Any ideas who could play her?

AHEM. "Bonnie Langford, who would probably make a good Goldberry"

I am so doing this to your suggestion *fingers in ears - lalalalala I CAN'T HEAR YOU*

Bonnie Langford? As Goldberry? no no no. Just say no, kids.

She has to be quite beautiful but not at all sexy.

I didn't say I'd like it, but, well, come to think of it she'd make a better Bombadil than Goldberry. I think I see Goldberry as a blend of Mary Hopkin, Sandy Denny, Jacqui McShee and Maddy Prior, with hints of Annie Haslam.

and with Sandy Shaw's bare feet?

I'm not convinced wotsisname wasn't doing half a Bombadil with Rhadagast in The Hobbit myself.

I'm sorry but what Vlad used to do to people isn't good enough for anyone who suggests that Bonnie Langford should even be on the same continent as a film crew making anything to do with Tolkein. Go and wash your keyboard and scrub your mind immediately.
Maybe we could go the whole hog and have Mark Curry playing Bombadil.

Sylvester McCoy...

Okay, and you're going to hate me for this; I think Tom Bombadil would be an unholy blend of Sylvester McCoy, Danny Baker, Dill the Dog, John Noakes, Brilliant (from The Fast Show), Ned Flanders, Norman Wisdom and Timmy Mallett.

I'll get me coast