h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It goes without saying that Muirfield is one of the finest Golf Courses in the world. It's heritage as the venue for who knows how many British Open Championships speaks volumes as to the quality of the course.

On the Southern side of the Firth of Forth on the East Coast of Scotland, East-South-East of Edinburgh, Muirfield is without doubt a Links course. Its sandy soil makes for immaculate drainage and the toughest rough you are ever likely to encounter. Concrete hard greens cut to within a nano-metre of their life and therefore lightening fast; Bunkers so deep that Hitler would have thought twice about invading and fairways that only open up after 200 yards ... anyone would've thought they didn't want you to get to the green!

Every round at Muirfield is different and it doesn't forgive any mistakes ... see how Tiger Woods was destroyed on the 3rd day of the 2002 Open. Each hole challenges you in a new way ... the bunkers aren't wide expanses of sand with low lips, they're craters with vertical walls - do you risk hitting the lip and ending up back in the sand or do you consign yourself to dropping a shot by playing out backwards?

Best hole? Well personal favourite although loathsome at the same time is the 7th. On a calm day you're talking an easy 7 iron; wind behind (yeah right!) a gentle 8 or a well struck 9; into the wind - a well struck, straight hit 5 wood with everything you've got to offer. There's tiger country to the right and left and two yawning bunkers on the left hand side of the green ... over the back a steep rough covered slope. The Green itself slopes up, front to back and also seemingly left to right but you actually want to aim straight at the hole - if Lucifer designed golf courses, the 7th would be his signature!

All this said, it is a members only course which means that it's almost always deserted which is lucky for we few who are sons/grandsons of members ... anyone fancy a round? I believe that it is possible to fork out a small fortune for the pleasure of playing but weekends are generally off limits and it's worth getting an introduction only because they can be quite snooty. Women aren't allowed in the clubhouse at all and it's very old school tie but it's still one hell of a course.

Are you a member!? And while we're at it, do we have a bloody-green-with-envy smiley? Nice posting Ekki.

Talking of Muirfield and it's awesome mercilessness, can you imagine how I felt at the early stages of last year's Open having laid out large sums (well not really; 20, 30 quid or so) on Monty and a totally sentimental bet on Sandy Lyle? Sandy stormed the first round - 'the auld Sandy's back!' I cried!, thinking that something totally special was about to unfold. And then, after a really crappy first round, Monty played like a King amongst wee boys. I felt sure, Ekki, that this was the 'special' Open I'd always yearned for. One like my Dad had many years ago when he had dreamt of Tom Watson winning the Open not really ever having heard of him before. So, he bet a few good bob on Tom and NOT on Jack Nicklaus (he felt traitorous, he told me - he'd never before NOT bet on his favourite, the Golden Bear). And I reiterate, he'd barely heard of Tom Watson - it was just in his dream. Anyway, Tom won, my Dad was thunderstruck, and he won loads of cash. I wanted an Open like that and I thought, after round 2 last year, I was going to get one.

Anyway, the rest is history. Muirfield woke up and bit the arse off Monty and Lyle, so much so that I'm sure they (and me) will never fully recover.

Cheers for now.

I was there this year on the saturday when the weather was filthy ... that's what I love about golf ... it has a way of making even the worlds best look totally amateur!

I'm not a member but my old man is and my grandfather is - actually he's Muirfields oldest playing member ... he's 91 this year and still plays at least 3 times a week ... incredible! As the son or grandson of a member I can play there myself pretty much whenever and can take a guest for the frighteningly lofty total of £5 ... that is until I'm 30 I can ... a few years left yet! Incidentally played 14 holes on the monday after the open had finished ... seemed to spend most of my time in either hospitality tents or grandstands ... very weird experience it has to be said but also as easy a round as I have ever played! All the rough was trodden down ... and they call themselves professionals too!

>>>and can take a guest for the frighteningly lofty total of £5

Right, I suppose I'll get straight down to bribery. What do you accept? Euros? Dollars?