Tails grow out of the back, not merely to reduce the hazard of tripping, but to remind one of where one has been. The fact that human beings, for the most part, no longer have tails is indicative of their total disregard for the past. History is an attempt to pass off bluster and posturing for genuine concern and is, therefore, confirmation of an unhealthy obsession with the present. The fact that humanity now finds itself without the many benefits of possessing tails is proof of a cavalier approach to the subject of evolution.

For the cost of a few extra vertebrae, mankind could enjoy the good looks and obvious benefits of having tails. For tails are not merely glamourous accessories; they are often extremely useful.

Even those not interested in extending their spines for the purpose of hanging upside down must acknowledge the practical advantage of a third prehensile appendage. Who amongst us has not looked back longingly with an armload of groceries? With both hands free, a person could learn to knit during those monotonous hours at the computer; and tightropes would be everywhere!

If, on occassion, squirrels seem a little smug, and gibbons altogether too bloody much to bear, human beings have only themselves to blame. They have given up such a lot for the sake of trousers.