The h2g2 Christmas Poem 3
Created | Updated Dec 22, 2005
 |
The Post
Christmas Poetry Competition
2005
The Tale of The Fruitcake by
quizzical
Wherein we hear a heart-warming (or possibly heartburn-inducing) story of generosity, miracles and baked goods, with some religious symbolism thrown in, and annotated for your reading pleasure. Plus a surfeit of smilies. (You can tell it's a good poem by all the smilies.) 
It happened once upon a time —
We're really not sure when —
Someone baked a fruitcake 
And gave it to a friend.
* the author muses *
(Round was the cake and peaty brown,
Studded with fruit so red.
How could such a homely thing
Inspire universal dread?) 
The friend received the dense, dark cake
With something like dismay, 
And thinking quickly, wrapped it up,
And gave the thing away.
This scene was soon repeated,
And repeated once again.
And thus was born 're-gifting'
Where one gift is suddenly ten.
* note: religious symbolism follows *
(As with the loaves and fishes 
When many were fed by few,
A single fruitcake, multiplied,
Can feed the millions, too.)
Whenever someone got the cake,
They got rid of it tout de suite
Maybe adding nuts and spice 
As an extra little treat.
Someone gave it a bit of icing,
Someone else a bit of brandy.
Occasionally an iconoclast
Snuck in a piece of candy. 
One day the cake was given to
The monks of Santa Fe,
Who doused it with a fifth of rum 
And sent it on its way.
Throughout its varied travels
The fruitcake's legend grew.
It acquired many devotees
But many detractors, too. 
* the humble fruitcake is caught up in the eternal drama of good vs evil *
Some said it makes the blind man see.
Some cursed its ghastly flavour. 
Others swore the Wise Men gave
The cake to Mankind's Saviour.
Some call it The One True Cake.
Some say it metastasises.
Others claim it represents
The depths of man's devices. 
* the author dispenses advice *
Should you receive a fruitcake, then,
Handle it with care!
It's volatile and flammable
But, still, do not despair: 
Mail it to a dearest friend
Or else an enemy, 
And pray you're not the victim of
More dried-fruit villainy!
* it wouldn't be a Christmas poem without a moral *
For in this Christmas story
Is a lesson to believe:
Especially with a fruitcake
'Tis best to give and not receive. 
