The S.S. Revenant
Created | Updated Feb 9, 2002
Newly docked at the moat around the Haunted Castle, This ship was originally featured in the poem, "The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner", by Sameul T. Coleridge.
Brought up from the bowls of heck by recent events on another thread, this ship has been transported to Texas, Re-outfitted, and is presently crewed by ex-Rambling's Navy of the Dead, whom she won while playing poker with Davy Jones in his locker.
The zombies will be happy to show you through their ship. Rotted wood makes walking on the surface of this ship an adventure, and the boards creek nicely.The wind whistles and moans through the tattered sails, but this ship has it's own power source; It may be booked for pleasure cruises.
Just be sure to show up at midnight for our guided tour, and, please don't feed the Slimey things. Watch your step, though, she's not entirely safe. Our advice is to walk lightly on the rotten planks. We hate it when a tourist falls through the deck; it's such a difficult thing explaining to their survivors just exactly what has eaten their loved ones...
The Origins of the Ship of Death***************************************************  From the desk of Pinniped, to ex-Rambling, You fancy commanding a Ship of Death; I can sell you one, price of one tonne of fish. Never to be repeated offer. First registered May 1798, at Weston, England. First owner, ostensibly one Mr Kubla Khan, but we kind of suspect that this isn't right, on account of the aforementioned being a 13th Century Mongol Warlord and unconvincingly contemporaneous, not to mention somewhat unrecorded as a resident of Somerset. Also the vessel doesn't look entirely suitable for its ostensible use of pleasure cruises on the River Alph, sacred or otherwise. OK, according to some researchers it's possibly the case that the ship in question was really first owned by a local junkie called Sam T Coleridge (no relation). Make that half a ton of fish; is that better? You want me to go on? Yeah, well OK...it does say here that by about 1806 the ship had got a bit notorious, having been allegedly won in a dice-game by a Lady called...well, she didn't exactly give her name. She was a personification, see? An anthropomorphised manifestation of some trait or other of human nature, I forget which one. Yes, I suppose it might have been that one. Look, to you, five hundred pounds of fish, OK? My last offer... You want to see a sea-worthiness certificate? OK...I'll just have to...think about that for a minute... All right, there is a bit of a problem in the bow area, I admit it. There are some slight gaps in the timbers. Yeah, you could say they're fairly large slight gaps. You heard that you can see the sun through them on a bad day? OK, I heard that too, but it was a Very Bad Day. Hey, I can't possibly go below two hundred pounds. Come on; be reasonable. We've all gotta make a living, yeah? Oh, you heard about the health inspector's report too, did you? You're not going to complain about the dead crew, are you? I kinda thought you wouldn't be too concerned about that, what with you being...you know, well... Oh, right. Well, strictly speaking there were a couple of other things the health-guy got stressed about too, yeah. The thousand thousand slimy things still sticking to the hull...well, OK, but I think that number is probably an exaggeration. And you're right, he did say something about the sails, now you come to mention it. They are on the thin side, yeah. Sere, I think, is the technical term. No, you're right, they possibly wouldn't actually stand up to a strong gale, but they don't need to, see? That's the beauty of this ship; it doesn't need wind. Well, yeah, I do realise that you can get other ships like that nowadays. How about a hundredweight of fish? No, of course it isn't insured. Since when did people insure Ships of Death? Yeah, OK, so I did ask whether I had to insure the Crimson Shark. And about whether it needed taxing for off-road use. I was just a little inexperienced, that's all. This one's Poetic Licence is fully paid up, after all. Pardon? Well...actually, it was intended to be a joke. A joke, you know...yeah, really... Listen, do you want this damned ship or don't you?I cannot possibly go any cheaper. No, don't leave, I've suddenly realised I probably can, after all. Fifty pounds weight. Less than my own body-mass, dammit. All right, thirty. Come back! Make it ten. Hey, slow down, some of us can only waddle, y'know! You're certainly pretty tough for ectoplasm, ma'am. I've decided that you can just take the damned thing. No charge. Just get it away from the Pier; it's killing me. No, I've got no expletive-deleted idea where the unnecessary-adjective sea-bird that goes with it went. Just shift it, yeah? I'm going to dive through this hole in the ice now, right? Just don't argue; don't say anything. You've got yourself a ship, OK?  ...But you're not going to come and collect it, are you? ...Well, that doesn't matter...that's right, it doesn't matter! The Speak-Your-Weight-Machine will sail it to Texas. You,ve got a seaboard, yeah? That bit in the bottom right hand corner, I remember. Cool, you've got yourself a ship. To be delivered shortly. No sorry, I'm not listening. Look, I've got my flippers over my ears. I'm really not listening. Uptown Girl, she's been living in a....* splash* |
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