What not to ask a droid
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Never ask a droid for directions to the nearest Pizza Parlour. They will invariably go into the pro's and con's of using various pole stars in different galaxies in order to give the most accurate directions to your goal. After about 3 hours of (unheated) debate with themselves, they will probably notice your semi-comatosed state and offer to escort you instead which will then entail making small-talk on the way - this could be disastrous and should be avoided at all costs.
Never ask a droid for the time. The droid will take great pains to explain that time is relative to any one of a thousand different principles - which they will then list giving a full definitive explanation of the principle, it's history and where it falls short in the grand picture.
Never ask a droid if he's been anywhere nice on his holidays recently. This could be a really lamentable faux pas. If the droid is not too offended, he may explain that holidays are a luxury rarely experienced by the over-worked and down-trodden community of droids. If you are lucky, he won't go into the politics of this injustice - a topic which surpasses all others in terms of longevity and could last anything from 6 hours to 6 years, making you wonder just how big a foot you could get into your mouth.
Never ask a droid’s opinion on the best mode of space transport. This topic merits second place in the longevity stakes below the politics surrounding injustices to droids. However it can be more usefully informative and give you a few ideas on how to zip out of your small-talk situation without giving offence - for instance by using the time-loop method of travel, thus leaving the droid to chat away to a fascinated hologram of you, unaware that you have long since moved on.
Pip.
