h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well What can I say, the female members of my family all facited him...

The Songs...

1 Add a Fiddle and copious amounts of alchohol, they are mostly about the ol' in out anyway. Do NOT copy anyone on the white heather club (I'm sure other old Tv shows are available) except to speed it up a bit. And add Alcohol.

Ah Yes, The Drink...

It is acceptable for those sworn off the poison to drink Irn Bru.
West Coast Whiskys, or copious amounts of any would be the perfect drink.

Anything More?

Our toast was
"May Your roof never fall in, and those beneath it never fall out."

Fud

Haggis, Neeps (ie turnip, or swede as the southerners call it) and chappit tatties.

Or haggis and chips.

I has been known to address the pizza.

The Poems.

Said like an after dinner speech. Trad is Holy Willies Prayer. Its long, but not too long, and amusing.
Or parts of Tam O' Shanter. I haven't my big burns book that I got for my 7Th birthday off my gran to hand, but the most quoted is the bit that starts
Tam Tam thy'll get thy faring,
In Hell they'll roast ye Like a Herring.
or the exciting climax of the witches chase.

Writen In Ayrshire Scots, a laalans (sp?) tongue.

He was so loved cos hes a very good looking man, See above.

He was born, the son of a fairly wealthy family in Ayr, west of Scotland, not such a long trek from glasgow, if you wants to visit, his cottage still stands as a museum to his life. He was sent to school in edinburgh, played the fiddle, and although he worked as a ploughman, this was mostly romantiscised, because as I mentioned, he was harldy uneducated.
he cut a swaythe through the local ladies, most of Ayrshire is probably related to him, and had 12 legitmate children.