h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I work in a IKEA store and all i can say about it, is that it is crazy. I do not know what swedish-people have for breakfast, but it must contain some sort of thc. First all this stupid names, it is said that Ingvar Kamprad has great problems to remember numbers ,so he uses names for his products .Normaly the names are names of swedish cities or simply words of the swedish language witch im not afraid in not knowing.
Some names have funny explainations in germany, for example the childrens bed called GUDFIK in an english translation it would have the meaning of " a good F****" , or the sweat pet-toy (it looks like a black cat) and is called FIKDIG , so this means " F*** Y** !" .
But this is not the problem, the problem is that IKEA always wants to be special, it wants to be different from all the other furniture-stores, why is this a problem? So look around and see all this optic-headshots, there are chairs witch look like my baby-wc , or shelfs in extrem-colours make you stay awake at night and this all over the world, Tokio, Moskau, i only wait for the grand IKEA-MOON-BASE opening this would fit with many of their products. An other remakable information is about the music inside the store , first i love ABBA ,such wonderful songs but today i did not even recognize the presence of the music, only and this is the funny thing, when it stops.So the music is (i only know exactly for germany IKEAS) in every store at every time the same , when i first heard this i was shocked, only a fast punch at a soundspeaker saved me from collapsing .If you stand in the"longest line ever" waiting to pay the" things you will never need" in berlin, the lovely mother who gives her lovely children to the childrens-paradies and after this she starts her happy walk through IKEA ,all the customers and hard workers hear "waterloo" at the same time !!! This is grave.
Maybe i lost my objectivity ,3 years and you would do the same.And why to hell dont they place the caddies at the entrance ? You cannot imagine how many times in my life i heard the question "(excuse me) where can i find the caddies (,please) "
O.k. i think i become too aggressive and i have forgotten my little red helpers, i will go and smash some IVAR chairs before going to bed.
bye