The first thing that greets Susan is her night-shift colleages welcoming if slightly exhausted, bored and dismal faces.... Like usual Susan's friend Clarice is the most morose, Susan sighs thinking 'Oh such joy!'
To drag Clarice from her sad thoughts, Susan starts the chat with her new money making venture "I've begun doing Dominatrix". Clarice looks puzzled "You know when you dress up in tight PVC and leather - you don't have sex with blokes, just hit them with a whip or strap, and sometimes they ask to drink wee from my shoe - stuff like that"
Shocked Clarice spits out "They want you to drink your p**s?", "No - they drink it" Susan clarifies. "I suppose you have a dungeon set up!" "No I've got a garage", Susan states wide eyed "The guys like rough concrete floors - I've just got my fourth client! Did you know these guys are more than happy to pay £100 for 30 minutes of swearwords and beatings! After these sessions I take them upstairs for a cuppa - you know when they're in normal clothes they turn into lovely blokes". Clarice's face is filled with shock and disgust. Like usual, Susan is blankly unaware - and simple smiles at her own resourcefulness!
"I'm ready to do the handover" Katie calls. Susan launches her wheeley chair to the other desk.
"Hi Katie, how was everything last night?", "I'm afraid I've had a very slow, lazy night - I just thought b*gg*r it, the two guys in yesterday evening did nothing so I thought - Why should I!!" Katie's reply filled Susan with glee... NOT, if Katie did sweet-FA that meant all the more work for Susan - but she had no desire to upset her mate so replies with her well practised 'believable' smile "Don't worry about it, I like to be kept busy"!
Katie asks Susan about the college reunion Susan went to last weekend "It was great seeing everyone, there were a couple of ladies that hadn't lost their superior snideness, (Eccentuating the word Sniiide) but all the others had had the normal life experiences to get humbled and decent".
Susan had gone to a self-proclaimed 'Exclusive' college - the title allowing the staff to strut, and the students to believe in their own superiority.
Susan being just an 18 year-old home-sick teenager, and doing a course filled with twentysomethings - had been looked apon as beneath most of the students.
She was lucky to get in - she agreed, but an ample cleavage, short skirt, lip-gloss and the interviewing Lecturer being a man with balls on the verge of bursting, did make up for a flimsy resume. Plus Susan had a good grasp of Engineering which helped with the entrance exam.
"At midnight there was only 7 of us left at the reunion - we'd all been pushed out of the party boat's lounge and into the disco, the music was too loud to have a decent chat, so we were reduced to just grinning or shouting into each others ears. By 2am I was there with just Trevor and Brian.
Trevor and I were doing Tequila shots intermixed with Vodka and coke - he wanted a photo of Brian and I kissing. I expected Brian to go 'Ergh Yuck' but instead he sat forward - we kissed" as Susan took a drawn out breath, Katie excitedly asked "And Yeah, was it nice!" "Well the kiss was very nice, a little embarrassing in front of Trevor - mind you when Trevor went to the loo I asked Brian for a re-run and still it was lovely...!" Susan smiled at the memory.
"Cutting to the chase the following morning at 11am Brian woke up with a smile on his lovely, swollen, knackered, druel covered face, jumps back into his booze/fag smelling clothes and left my house saying 'I'll call'". "So has he called? Katie asks "No the git has not - I can't believe it! We went to college for two years; we have a lovely evening and then nothing!! Why do I put myself through it?" Katie nods in agreement!
Getting back to thinking about work Katie begins a run down of what has happened at that night and for the previous few days, like usual the majority is immaterial and just a couple of points need addressing. Susan diligently marks the relative points and scribbles notes for when and what to do.
Katie perks up on remembering that she saw Colin Firth down her local two days ago. "Yeah Susan - you know DARCY - I saw him down the pub". "Who's Darcy?" Susan asks. "You know, the bloke from Pride and Prejudice - remember the hunk that jumps into the pond with a nighty and riding boots on. He comes out of the water wet and sexy... Come on girly you must remember" Katie wills Susan to think hard. "Oh Yes" Susan replies with a far-a-way look in her eyes, "God he is beautiful - and he was down your local!!!
What did you say Katie?" "Well nothing" Katie said sheepishly "But he looked at me and I... you know, smiled". "What! That is Pathetic" Susan blasts "If I saw Mr 'Sex-On-Legs' I wouldn't just smile - I'd be up there like a shot, I'd be offering him a drink - course I would of made sure to go to the toilets; push up me boobs, make sure my mascara was still caked onto the lashes, not smudged under my eyes. God you said nothing! Mind you he was probably dripping with model types.. Aay?". Katie slowly answers "Well he seemed to be by himself, reading a paper - he didn't seem to be waiting for anyone, then after a couple of hours he left". Susan Gulped with disbelief "So You are telling Me that DARCY was sitting by HIMSELF for HOURS and you didn't even ask him the time or anything! Bejeeezus girl - are you mad - if you didn't fancy him yourself you could at least phoned me - I might have been home with the a broken leg and rabies but I would of made it to your local! "Another missed opportunity" Susan sighs, "But if he turns up again PLEASE call ME!"
Jimmy the team leader walks in - he stretches and yawns out a hello. Katie and Susan reply with an unenthusiastic Hiya then say their goodbyes to one another "So REMEMBER" Sharon yells "If you go down the Pub and see Darcy phone me, if you go to the shops and Pierce Brosnan is picking up some Baked Beans call me, if you're sitting in the Dentist waiting room and Ralph Fiennes is reading a 10yr old Women's Own magazine then call ME, Ok!" "OK Ok ok Susan, I'll see you next week -bye" Katie limply waves her farewell.
Mr Anal Valance, the big big boss calls from home. He's monitoring the offices output and has noticed a few numbers are wrong. It won't cost the company didley-squat or cause any problems but his nickname isn't Anal for nothing. Jimmy our team boss spurts out a few expletives then warns us about joining in his cacophony of swear words by saying the office is bugged. We all settle down to surfing the net and watching MTV - oh yeah - we do the odd job when it crops up!