Specimen (UG)

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Official UnderGuide Entry

Stained white counters and the smell of disinfectant

Wire shelves, glass cages bathed in neon light.

The hum of hardware and a knocking at the door.

Hello, come in, Professor; welcome, first years,

come see the lab where you will work someday.

Earnest faces, nervous students in a huddle,

clutching pens and clipboards to their chests.

Hello – your name escapes me at the moment –

but thanks for giving us a look around.

It's Smith, Professor – plain and boring, really.

But let me see, what can we show these kids?

Here! Tap the glass to wake the little blighter –

it's moping, might be pining for its mate.

We've found it's best to keep them separated.

If we don't, they have been known to fight.

Excellent! Come closer, students. Tell me now –

What might this ugly little creature be?

A carnivore? Its eyes are in the front, sir.

Yes, but look, the teeth are small and blunt.

Hah! Yes, its teeth, just watch it gnash them.

We've named it Killer, only for a joke.

See it scrabble at the glass, so stupid

Thinking it can dig through and escape.

Killer, Smith? That's hardly scientific.

It's not a pet. Now, any guesses?

You in the back there, with the dark blue sweater –

I don't have time for memorising names.

Homo sapiens, I believe, Professor.

That's right! Well done for recognising –

Out! Let out me!

Professor, did you hear? It speaks our language!

Talking? Nonsense! Don't be silly.

All it does is mimic sounds

it heard from Smith, perhaps, or from the radio.

You must learn to stop projecting.

This is science, not a fairytale.


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