Public Toilets
Created | Updated Apr 13, 2002
Public toilets are of course part and parcel of everyday life. It is useful, however, to know exactly what it is you are looking for in any given country. In some cases it is easy - for example, most English speaking countries refer to the toilet as a toilet. There is of course the notable exception of America, where they may be referred to as "the bathroom", "the restroom" or in some cases by their name - John. It is not known why all American toilets are named John - it can only be assumed that there was an overzealous, if somewhat unimaginative, plumber who applied the name in the first place.
In France, do not ask for "le cabinet de toilette" as you are likely to be shown to the airing cupboard - it is better to ask for "les toilettes" in polite company - and if you are really desperate "le pissoir" - at least your hosts will know what you mean, even if they are embarrassed.
In England, you can ask for "the bog" if you are in a pub, "the little boys room" if you are in prudishly polite company, or "the loo" - but "where is the toilet?" will get you where you need to go (if you'll excuse the pun).
There is of course an etiquette to using a public toilet. Firstly you enter the "convenience" and glance around - if you see members of the opposite sex, it is likely that you are in the wrong place - pop outside and check the sign on the door. If you are relatively certain that you are in the correct place, (and one can never be too sure), approach the proper area (see bodily functions). Do not under any circumstances make eye contact with any other patron - no-one else wants to know that you are there. Speaking is only aloud if it is of the comment variety "Ooooooh damn I needed that" and "For this relief, much thanks" are acceptable - "who butchered a pig in here?" is not.
After relieving yourself, approach the basins and wash your hands - this is a ritual only, as the vast majority of people who use public toilets don't wash their hands, and when you push the door open you will inevitably load your hands with more germs than you washed off. If you are male, there is one last procedure: on leaving the toilet, just as you are about to approach your date, glance down and realise that you forgot to do up your flies - attempt quickly to zip them up casually so that she won't notice. You will of course fail, as this is one of the immutable laws of the universe - don't worry - it will give you something to laugh about in the years to come - either that, or you'll never see her again - either way - it doesn't matter.
In France, do not ask for "le cabinet de toilette" as you are likely to be shown to the airing cupboard - it is better to ask for "les toilettes" in polite company - and if you are really desperate "le pissoir" - at least your hosts will know what you mean, even if they are embarrassed.
In England, you can ask for "the bog" if you are in a pub, "the little boys room" if you are in prudishly polite company, or "the loo" - but "where is the toilet?" will get you where you need to go (if you'll excuse the pun).
There is of course an etiquette to using a public toilet. Firstly you enter the "convenience" and glance around - if you see members of the opposite sex, it is likely that you are in the wrong place - pop outside and check the sign on the door. If you are relatively certain that you are in the correct place, (and one can never be too sure), approach the proper area (see bodily functions). Do not under any circumstances make eye contact with any other patron - no-one else wants to know that you are there. Speaking is only aloud if it is of the comment variety "Ooooooh damn I needed that" and "For this relief, much thanks" are acceptable - "who butchered a pig in here?" is not.
After relieving yourself, approach the basins and wash your hands - this is a ritual only, as the vast majority of people who use public toilets don't wash their hands, and when you push the door open you will inevitably load your hands with more germs than you washed off. If you are male, there is one last procedure: on leaving the toilet, just as you are about to approach your date, glance down and realise that you forgot to do up your flies - attempt quickly to zip them up casually so that she won't notice. You will of course fail, as this is one of the immutable laws of the universe - don't worry - it will give you something to laugh about in the years to come - either that, or you'll never see her again - either way - it doesn't matter.
