h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

These are fine for working out where trains are going to stop etc, but DO NOT trust the times on them. Interestingly enough, if it says a train is to arive in 1 min, get ready to wait 3 minutes. I timed it once - it said that the train would arrive in 1 minute for 3minutes. They obviously can't count the time properly.

I heard they'd decimalised the minute, i.e. 1 minute = 100 seconds. My friend Simon swears this is true.

All know is that there are some more interesting (or scary) messages they *can* display, including the classic:
"Passenger under train"

I don't like that one! But I do like it when the train has arrived and is about to leave, the board the destination of that train and states "CORRECTION". But the most annoying one I've seen is at BANK on the central line where it was saying something about the circle line but it had: "the circl eline" ???!?!?!! Someone can't type...

I remember standing on the northbound platform at Waterloo and seeing:

1 KENNINGTON
2 EDGWARE

... which are at opposite ends of the Northern Line.

-- Yoz

Other destinations to look out for:

'check front of train for destination'
'NOT IN SERVICE'

Also, look out for old Northern Line trains to 'Special'. They stop at the station you're at, to let some of the invisible passengers get off and on. These passengers teleport themselves through the closed doors.

To re-open an old thread...........



'Special' is merely a euphemism for 'Not In Service'. At least they were creative.

Also, does anyone else find the internal boards pointless, boring and stupid. They're just there so the staff can have fun giving conflicting information to bemuse tourists

Has anybody else noticed the phenomenon of the phantom train? The message board lights up with "destination 5mins" or some such, which then dutifully counts down to zero in accordance with the General Theory of London Underground Time Dilation which has been mentioned before. No wind is felt. No train arrives. Then the description rolls nonchalantly off the top of the indicator board as if to say "Train? Yeah, of course there was a train. You just weren't paying attention, and missed it." Hello? Trains are large things and rather difficult to miss.

Perhaps it was eaten by one of the train-eating monsters I am convinced inhabit the tunnels. Very rarely a train will go into a tunnel and not come out again, but this is hushed up by London Transport.

I hate to burst the bubble, but it's probably the points controller sending the train down a different track for a laugh.

Awwww. Next you'll be telling me there's no Santa.

There's no Santa.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Mornington Crescent Rules!

Tower Hill has possibly the most mis-informative indicator boards on the network.... probably specially installed to fox all of the tourists trying to get home from Tower Bridge and the Tower of London.

Going Eastbound (Circle and District) is fine. One platform, with those nice orange LED displays. OK, so they lie, but I can accept that. Heading Westbound is a different matter. There's two platforms, one of which is a dead-end... some District line trains terminate/start from there. The only indicators on the Westbound platforms are archaic glass panels with a couple of lightbulbs behind them to show the destination of the next train. (Similar to Earls Court's pre-war contraption!).

As you run down the stairs from the booking hall, there's an illuminated sign which says "NEXT TRAIN OUT", with an arrow pointing to one of the two platforms. What usually happens is there's a train sitting in the dead end platform, doors open, lights on. However, the "Next Train Out" sign is pointing to the other, currently empty, platform. So, like a good tourist, you turn you back on the train, and go stand infront of a big emtpy platform.

After you've been there a couple of minutes, there's a "whoosh" from behind you, the doors on the train close, and it pulls out. The "NEXT TRAIN OUT" still points to the empty platform, then it flickers, then it points back at the empty platform.

It's about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

The indicator boards on the Northern Line have to be the worst - among other things, they have been known to display
1 - NOT IN SERVICE
2 - NOT IN SERVICE
(scrolls over)
1 - NOT IN SERVICE
3 - NOT IN SERVICE


I saw that yesterday - jesus, talk about couldn't be arsed!

There's a nice effect which happens at KingsX station every evening rush hour on the Northbound Piccadilly line. It goes something like this.
Indicator reads:
1) Cockfosters
2) Arnos Grove 1Min
3) Cockfosters 3 Mins.
If you see this you think: "Ah next train goes to Cockfosters!"

WRONG. Next train goes to Arnos Grove! The indicator always has a Cockfosters train displayed at the top. Ya gotta live with it.