The minivan is a vehicle that has become ubiquitous in North America. It is neither a van or a Mini. It was specially designed to transport one person a good walking distance from their isolated suburban home to a local convenience store to transport small snacks or superheated weak coffee sold in disposable cups.

The North American Minivan is a marvel of modern automotive technology, rich with labour-saving options. To the driver of a normal-sized car on the road, some of these observed characteristics are quite unique.

Features normally incorporated in this type of vehicle are:

• Automatically operates at two speeds: (1) 60km/h and (2) 90km/h. Advanced imaging technology locates and reads speed limit signs and automatically selects speed (1) for zones 0 – 90km/h and speed (2) for all others.

• Seats nine adults comfortably but is optimised for one occupant (the normal passenger load observed for this type of vehicle). Plenty of space for all the comforts of home while stuck in traffic.

• Infallible speed governor prevents dangerous acceleration beyond 90km/h.

• Enhances your safety as a priority over others by automatically passing through red lights (at 60 or 90km/h). On-board imaging system detects red light and accelerates to take control of vehicle from driver.

• Proximity sensor slows vehicle down when passing another vehicle in the passing lane so that vehicle remains safely in the other driver's blind spot.

• Robot-assisted steering guides vehicle to rightmost lane (passing lane) on any road or highway and holds it there until the need to make a turn or exit.

• Driver-assisted machine vision camera detects stealth vehicles (invisible to non-minivan drivers) leaving 100m space between all vehicles, in all lanes (including passing lane). Hands-off avoidance system automatically swerves across lanes while indicator lights are disabled to avoid any stealth vehicles.

• Assisted-exit highway module makes sharpest turn possible from rightmost passing lane to exit at 90km/h while braking sharply – assisted by 'off ramp' guidance system (optional).

• Imaging technology identifies STOP sign and automatically stops vehicle in the middle of intersection or 5 – 10m before it (this option can be selected at time of vehicle purchase).

• Steering assist automatically swings vehicle as far as possible in the opposite direction before making desired turn to increase turn radius and enable driver to maintain one-handed grip on the steering wheel at all times.

• Machine-vision parking assist aligns vehicle somewhere in between two spaces, leaving lots of room to get in and out. Parallel parking module (manufacturers option)automatically leaves a few feet at the curb to exit.

• Decorated with your choice of three bumper stickers:

  • The Local Pop Country Music Station
  • Support Our Troops
  • A 'Jesus fish'

  Or any combination of the above.