Pretzels
Created | Updated Jul 4, 2005
Pretzels are one of the most bizarre culinary creations to ever come out of a small backwater world in the Milky Way Galaxy known as Earth. The gist of it is that they are essentially bread and butter covered with large amounts of coarse salt baked to the point where they are "doughy, but not undercooked". Perhaps one of the more unusual features of this particular item is the degree to which people insist on covering them with a variety of different falvors-including various cheeses and popcorn seasonings. Of ocurse, they must be eaten within two minutes of having been taken out of the oven, or even with the butter they begin to take on the consistency of corkboard. Perhaps the most intriguing variation on the recipes of the pretzel was created by a young Canadian man who had been working at a bakery one day whose head was somewhere between in the clouds and up his ass, known as the White Christmas Pretzel. This particular pretzel was of course taken to the franchisor for the bakery, who in turn, took a perfectly reasonable recipe and pissed on the instructions, only to find that the result of his new idea left the pretzel somewhat incompleted and off-tasting. The original recipe, however, managed to endure in the mind of the young employee who thought of the flavor, and continued to make it in Canada. This flavor in its original form was a very favorable snack around Christmas time, and especially around Boxing Day. It did, however, not assist in saving the particular bakery in which it was invented when the moronic investors from the southern neighboring country decided to cut the funding and fire the staff. As for one of the more profitable recipes that the chain ever gave up, it is rumored that there is still someone capable of making such a flavor, but he waits for the time in which the rest of the Southern started chain goes belly-up so that he can laugh at their misfortune instead.
*Note that no one ever said that pretzel makers have to be pleasant.
*Note that no one ever said that pretzel makers have to be pleasant.
