Jester's Condescending English Dictionary - K
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
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| Kafka's Law | n | In the fight between you and the world, back the world. -- Franz Kafka, "RS's 1974 Expectation of Days" |
| Kansas | n | Where the men are men and so are the women! |
| Karlson's Theorem of Snack Food Packages | n | For all P, where P is a package of snack food, P is a SINGLE-SERVING package of snack food. Gibson the Cat's Corrolary: For all L, where L is a package of lunch meat, L is Gibson's package of lunch meat. |
| Karmageddon | n | It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer, man. |
| Kasha | n | Kasha is always defined as "buckwheat groats". There's only one problem with this definition: what the f**k are "buckwheat groats"? *I* know what they are -- they're kasha. But that doesn't help *you* much. -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish" |
| Katz' Law | n | Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted. History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. -- Abba Eban |
| Kaufman's Law | n | A policy is a restrictive document to prevent a recurrence of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned. |
| Kaufman's First Law of Party Physics | n | Population density is inversely proportional to the square of the distance from the keg. |
| Keep in mind always the four constant Laws of Frisbee | pl, n | (1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this force is technically termed "car suck"). (2) Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive than "Watch this!" (3) The probability of a Frisbee hitting something is directly proportional to the cost of hitting it. For instance, a Frisbee will always head directly towards a policeman or a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy. (4) Your best throw happens when no one is watching; when the cute girl you've been trying to impress is watching, the Frisbee will invariably bounce out of your hand or hit you in the head and knock you silly. |
| Kennedy's Market Theorem | n | Given enough inside information and unlimited credit, you've got to go broke. |
| Kent's Heuristic | n | Look for it first where you'd most like to find it. |
| kern | v | 1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear of corn. 2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small, metal object used as part of the monetary system. |
| kernel | n | A part of an operating system that preserves the medieval traditions of sorcery and black art. |
| Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College | pl, n | Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty. |
| Kettering's Observation | n | Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence. |
| Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness | n | Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks. |
| Kin | n | An affliction of the blood. |
| Kington's Law of Perforation | n | If a straight line of holes is made in a piece of paper, such as a sheet of stamps or a check, that line becomes the strongest part of the paper. |
| Kinkler's First Law | n | Responsibility always exceeds authority. |
| Kinkler's Second Law | n | All the easy problems have been solved. |
| Klaustrophobia | n | Fear of Germans. |
| Kleptomaniac | n | A rich thief. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
| Kliban's First Law of Dining | n | Never eat anything bigger than your head. |
| Kludge | n | An ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a distressing whole. -- Jackson Granholm, "Datamation" |
| Knebel's Law | n | It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. |
| knowledge | n | Things you believe. |
| Kramer's Law | n | You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks. |
| Krogt | n | The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets" |
| Kumquat | n | Any of several small citrus fruits with sweet spongy rind and somewhat acidic pulp that are used chiefly for preserves. Extremely popular in some forms of sexual intercourse. In fact, an early indication that your partner is willing to experiment sexually may be a rather insistent moaning of "kumquat, kumquat" during orgasm. Note: this is *not* to be confused with a warning from your partner that his/her parents are upstairs and probably awake. |
