Jester's Condescending English Dictionary - D
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
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| Data | n | (1) An accrual of straws on the backs of theories. (2) Computerspeak for "information". Properly pronounced the way Bostonians pronounce the word for a female child. |
| Davis' Law of Traffic Density | n | The density of rush-hour traffic is directly proportional to 1.5 times the amount of extra time you allow to arrive on time. |
| Davis's Dictum | n | Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves. |
| Dawn | n | The time when men of reason go to bed. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
| Deadwood | n | Anyone in your company who is more senior than you are. |
| Death wish | n | The only wish that always comes true, whether or not one wishes it to. |
| Decision maker | n | The person in your office who was unable to form a task force before the music stopped. |
| default | n | (1)[Possibly from Black English "De fault wid dis system is you, mon."] The vain attempt to avoid errors by inactivity. "Nothing will come of nothing: speak again." -- King Lear. -- Stan Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary" (2) The hardware's, of course. |
| Deja flu | n | Being sick and tired of being sick and tired. |
| Deja vu | n | French., already seen; unoriginal; trite. Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced something actually being encountered for the first time. Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced something actually being encountered for the first time. |
| Deliberation | n | The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
| Democracy | n | (1) A government of the masses. Authority derived through mass meeting or any other form of direct expression. Results in mobocracy. Attitude toward property is communistic... negating property rights. Attitude toward law is that the will of the majority shall regulate, whether it is based upon deliberation or governed by passion, prejudice, and impulse, without restraint or regard to consequences. Result is demagogism, license, agitation, discontent, anarchy. -- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932), since withdrawn. (2) In which you say what you like and do what you're told. -- Gerald Barry (3) The difference between a Democracy and a Dictatorship is that in a Democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a Dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting. -- Charles Bukowski (4) Four wolves and a sheep voting on lunch. (5) Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. -- H. L. Mencken |
| Dentist | n | A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
| Denver | n | A smallish city located just below the `O' in Colorado. |
| design | v | What you regret not doing later on. |
| Despreate Straights | n | Sex-starved heterosexuals. |
| Detest | n | The West Indies playing India. |
| DeVries' Dilemma | n | If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want hits the paper. |
| diaphragm | n | A childproof cap. |
| Dibble's First Law of Sociology | n | Some do, some don't. |
| Die | v | To stop sinning suddenly. -- Elbert Hubbard |
| Dilate | v | To live longer. |
| Dim Sum | n | Chinese for more food than you've ever seen in your entire life. See also Continental breakfast, Nouvelle cuisine and Tapas |
| Dinner suggestion #302 (Hacker's De-lite) | 1 tin imported Brisling sardines in tomato sauce 1 pouch Chocolate Malt Carnation Instant Breakfast 1 carton milk | |
| diplomacy | n | Lying in state. |
| Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics | pl, n | (1) Get elected. (2) Get re-elected. (3) Don't get mad, get even. -- Sen. Everett Dirksen |
| disbar | n | As distinguished from some other bar. |
| Distinctive | adj | A different color or shape than our competitors. |
| Distress | n | A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
| divorce | n | A change of wife. |
| Document | n | What you ask the doctor when you don't understand him. |
| Documentation | n | Instructions translated from Swedish by Japanese for English speaking persons. |
| Dolly | n | Is a girl like ewe. -- Good News Week *2 |
| double-blind experiment | n | An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is fooling both the subject and the lab assistant. Often accompanied by a strong belief in the tooth fairy. |
| Download | v | Get the firewood off the ute. See also Log On, Log Off, Monitor and Floppy Disc |
| Dow's Law | n | In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion. |
| Drakenberg's Discovery | n | If you can't seem to find your glasses, it's probably because you don't have them on. |
| Drew's Law of Highway Biology | n | The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes. |
| drug | n | A substance that, injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper. |
| Ducharme's Precept | n | Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. |
| Ducharme's Axiom | n | If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem. |
| Duty | n | What one expects from others. -- Oscar Wilde |
