After the successful revamp of h2g2 by the 'Powers At The Towers' and my usurping of most of the columnists jobs at the h2g2 Post, I thought I would add a new feature to the h2g2 website family. Posted below is a transcript of the first broadcast from h2g2 Radio.

8.29am

LOONYTUNES: And that was Venus by Bananarama. Now, my next guest on this glorious morning - and it really is lovely, isn't it? The sun is shining and the birds are singing. I wouldn't be surprised if the sun was singing and the birds were shining. It's so nice to be here. My producer, Asteroid Lil, has made me a lovely cup of tea, just the way I like it - poured inside the cup. She's a marvel. She really is. And so is my next guest.

Born in 1911, he is perhaps the grand old man of New Zealand letters. His poetry has addressed the personal and the political, the reader and the readee, as it were. Edward Said wrote, "If we have become accustomed to making fastidious distinctions between ideology (or theory) and practice, we shall be more historically accurate if we do not do so glibly in the case of the European imperialism that actually annexed most of the world during the 19th century."

Come to think of it, this may have nothing to do with my next guest, but you never know, do you, Sporky?

SPORKY: Pardon? Could you speak up, please?

LOONYTUNES: With pleasure, you marvellous man!

9.18am:

LOONYTUNES: And that was The Lion Sleeps Tonight, by Tight Fit. One of my favourite songs, and yours, too, I hope, Luna?

LUNA: It's a treat, Loony.

LOONYTUNES: Good! All right! It's my great privilege to have Luna join me in the studio. Lil and I went to see her latest play last night, and it was stunning. It was - by Jove, it was superb, quite magnificent. It's a very talky play, I suppose, not a lot actually happens, but it spoke to me about the struggles of generations of ordinary New Zealanders caught up in an everyday domestic drama. Tell us again what the play is called, Luna.

LUNA: It's called Dishes in My Mother's Sink.

LOONYTUNES: And it's a one-woman show, staged entirely so that you stand by a kitchen sink all evening.

LUNA: Yes. It's certainly hard on my feet, but that's the reality of washing dishes, isn't it?

LOONYTUNES: And drying dishes, for that matter.

LUNA: And drying dishes. That's right, Loony.

LOONYTUNES: It seemed to speed by, Luna, but how long was the play?

LUNA: Five hours.

LOONYTUNES: That's a lot of dishes.

LUNA: Dishes, plates, bowls, knives, forks, spoons - my brother, The Joker, who directed the play, likes to say it's a bold step towards the formation of a new genre called clean realism.

LOONYTUNES: Mmmmm. Brilliant.

LUNA: Oh, you'd like The Joker, Loony.

LOONYTUNES: Would he like me, though? What about you? Are you enjoying this interview?

LUNA: Yes, very much. It's very thoughtful.

LOONYTUNES: That's grand! Now, the play is in two acts, Luna.

LUNA: Yes. Act One is washing the dishes, and Act Two is drying the dishes.

LOONYTUNES: Mmmmm. Was that a deliberate ploy, or was it something that came out in the wash, so to speak?

LUNA: That's a good question, Loony. I suppose it had a flow to it, a natural order, to express the sense of both hope and futility, like the myth of Sisyphus.

LOONYTUNES: Mmmmm. Sisyphus.

LUNA: Well, that's what The Joker says.

LOONYTUNES: I see. And did you choose the teatowels yourself? I thought the red tartan teatowel you used was splendid.

LUNA: Thank you, Loony. Yes, that was my idea. It was important to make the play a visual experience for the audience.

LOONYTUNES: Golly. And will you be taking the play overseas, Luna?

LUNA: Oh, yes. I feel it's important to export our culture, to show the world our national identity, so I'm hoping Creative New Zealand will cough up. They usually do.

LOONYTUNES: And so they should! Thank you so much for coming in, Luna. It was lovely to see you. Now, after the news, I'll be talking to six potters from Nelson who have written a powerful, sweeping opera called Kiln Fields.

11.48am:

LOONYTUNES. And that was Love Will Tear Us Apart by Paul Young. My final guest this morning is Shazz, a PR spokeswoman for the Newspapers Association, who has kindly volunteered to come on the show and share her controversial thoughts about newspaper columnists. Shazz, what makes a good newspaper columnist?

SHAZZ: Loony, it would have to be someone who has opinions, and who knows how to write.

LOONYTUNES: Mmmmm. And what about a bad newspaper columnist?

SHAZZ: I daresay someone who doesn't really have any opinions, and doesn't write very well.

LOONYTUNES: Fascinating! I agree, I quite agree! Who do you rate, Shazz?

SHAZZ: Towelmaster comes to mind.

LOONYTUNES: Mmmmm. Yes. And what about Monsy?

SHAZZ: Oh, yes.

LOONYTUNES: I enjoy her, too, even though I don't always agree with what she has to say. But that doesn't matter, does it, because if everyone agreed with everyone else, Shazz, then we'd live in a pretty boring world.

SHAZZ: I agree.

LOONYTUNES: Good for you, you delightful woman.

Disclaimer - this is just a bit of fun. Please do not take it seriously.