h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Although I am ranked of the classes of never to be married , I have just returned from a wedding in the North of Spain and picked up a few tips to make the wedding run smoothly.

1 Young children are infamous for crying at the wrong time. At his particular wedding, all the parent/baby seats were near the exit so the first sign of a wail, the kids were given to a nanny to be pacified and then brought back when they had quietened down

2 When it comes to the reception, hire two or three babbysitters who will look after the little ones while you get slightly legless. The arrangement at this particular wedding was that the nannies looked after the kids until midday the next day - whic gave parents the chance to go out, get meery and get over the hang over before piccking up the little darlings.

3 Every guest at the wedding is given a photo of the bride and groom before they leave, thus ensuring that everyone has a memento of the big day.

4 All the men were given cigars and the women were given cigarettes - strange but true.

I think the nanny idea is wonderful.
I am hiring the church nursery workers to care for any children whose parents want to drop them off.
My son, who is 7, will be in the cermony. For his benefit, we are keeping it short and sweet.

The nannies in Spain were little old ladies who knew the bride's mother and were more than happy to help out.

I have three god children - one nine, one six and the yungest is 18 months.

i took these three treasures to a wedding. For the eldest, I made him take an active role and he was an usher, taking people to their seats - he loved it. He was so pleased that he actually sat and talked to people rather than running around irritating everyone.

My god daughter, six was slightly more difficult but what we did was let her throw rice at all the gusest as they were leaving, but the real trick was that we gave her the rice before the service and asked her to count it. Terribly cruel maybe but extremely effective.

My godson of 18months was a pure treasure, quite, agreeable and even wet up to the party for ten minutes before he was whisked away by one of the nannies.