h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As I'm unlikely to be the groom may I offer some advice to best men.

1) The Speech: Yes embaresh the groom but rememnber his maiden aunts are present so moderate it accordingly.

2) Calm him down. THis means stay calm yourself. My Brother was a nervous wreack approaching his, so it is part of the Best mans's duties to keep him calm.

3) Stag night. The groom must enjoy it so don't go over the top from what he would do noramally. Also plan it well in advance of the wedding, a week or two so that any misadventures have some chance of being remedied, should they occur when you are not looking.

of the fairer sex they say always the bridesmaid, never the bride, and I think the same is true of men, always the usher never the best man.

In my considerable experience of being an usher I have gleaned a few timely insights:

1. the real seat of power at any wedding is held by the usher
2. while the creature of the spotlight may be the best man, the creature of the shadows is the usher
3. a wedding should be run like a military operation, key things to watch out for are: stragglers, tourists, the uninvited, the best man, his mum, his girlfriend
4. think Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction "cool"

My fiancee's best man is my new "best man friend" now, too. We are planning some lovely jokes to play on the groom. When I get mostly down the eisle, I'm going to pull a "runaway bride". I'm going to stop, and look like I'm going to run. The best man is going to come down and we'll whisper to each other. He'll say a few things a little loudly like "Come'on, it's not that little" etc., convince me to continue, and turn around and make a big OK sign with his fingers and wink at the groom.