Many people believe, incorrectly, that they know a thing or two about the US Air Force. They are, of course, wrong,
but if there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that you can't tell people anything they don't want to hear. That's
why you have to beat them repeatedly with sticks if you want any real progress. I don't personally want any real
progress, but I also don't have a stick.

My point, if I have one, is that there are many fundamental problems with most people's understanding of the US Air
Force. For instance, many people believe that it has something to do with flying planes or war or some other such
nonsense. This is all a bunch of crap. The USAF (don't you love how I keep shortening it? By the end of the article
it could be the U.), and believe me, I'm an expert, is about stupidity. That's a drastic over-simplification, but that's what
I'm good at and my mother always said to stick with what you're good at. Or maybe it was "Don't crap where you sleep."
Either way, it means one thing. What that is, I'm not sure, but I'm far enough off topic that most of you have stopped
reading. Therefore, I can finally get on to my actual point. (Again, assuming that I have one.)

My point is that America needs stupid people. It needs people that can be convinced that they need Furbies. It needs
people that think that one of the basic rights a human being MUST be guaranteed is to be able to own and carry
devices which allow a small piece of metal, by the use of explosives, to be shot at incredible speed down a long (or
more commonly short) piece of metal tubing right into the eye of another person. It needs people that, in a word,
consume.

But the problem is that mother nature has this thing that we like to call "natural selection" (which is odd, because it
likes to be called "Vicky") and "natural selection" (or "Vicky," if you want to stay on its good side) has a tendency to
kill or sterilize people that are stupid enough to purchase Furbies. It hits them with busses, it hooks them on mind
altering chemicals, or it lures them into climbing rocks for no apparent reason and then pulls them to the ground and
smashes their skulls without so much as a "kiss my foot" or "have an apple." So the question is, how do you keep
these people alive so that they can buy their Furbies?

And the answer is: the United States Air Force. You see, by enlisting these people in what appears to be a branch
of the military (although NONE of them ever engages in any sort of combat unless you call getting your ass beaten
at a bar by the Marine you called a sissy after you had a few too many drinks to forget how many Furbies you've
bought combat) you keep them relatively safe (fenced in air bases) and give them spending money. In this way,
stupid people are able to thrive.

Now, I'm not saying that EVERYONE in the military is stupid. There are those few people who enlist for some strange
reason (like the need for free polyester pants), realize what a horrible mistake they've made (they're actually a
wool/poly blend, and more unattractive than that sounds), and serve out their enlistment grudgingly while
stuffing down pizza and beer in the hopes of being discharged for their weight. Those people are only a little stupid.
But each and very person who makes this mistake twice is REALLY REALLY stupid and needs the protection that
living in air bases provides.

So, to sum up, the Air Force is full of stupid people, mother nature is actually a transvestite, and I need a stick.