h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My favorite tip -

What do you use to get out a stain from red wine? White wine. Works on clothes, Upholstery, and carpets.

The hardest substance to man, unless you put them in soapy water.

Dianmonds may cloud over and lose their sparkle if constantly dunked in soapy water. So take them off before doing the dishes.

On the subject of rings, there is nothing more heartbreaking or uncomfortable than having to cut a ring off someone's finger. Occasionally this is due to mediacl circumstances but occasionally someone just never removes them and the finger over times juat swells with the body. It is worthwhile every so often checking the tightness of the ring. Now fingers will swell in the heat, or extreme cold, but in normal conditiions check that there is still sufficient room to get them off and save yourself and the jeweller an embarrashing experience.

Save a small forune.

One of the best things for cleaning glass tables, windows or doors. Is water with Vinegar in, and use old newpapers as a cloth think of all the expense safed from not buying expensive products. Plus it doesn't streak.

A gemologist told me a trick to keep all your jewellery clean and sparkly. Disolve Calgon in really hot water, in a glass dish with a sheet of tin foil in the bottom. Originally discovered to take the tarnish off silver (works on Granny's silverware, too), it will also clean any other precious metals, and take the "stuff" off gem stones. There are, of course, some pieces that don't go into this mixture: tiger eye goes milky, and pearls should only be wiped on a soft dry cloth. I have cleaned my diamond rings and earings, all my other rings (I LOVE rings!), my grandmother's marquisites, gold rings, sterling rings, platinum. After the pieces have soaked for 10 minutes, brush with a soft tooth brush, rinse in hot water and buff on a soft towel.I do a huge dish with this solution when I clean the silver for the Christmas table, and it looks like I spen hours polishing!!

A word about diamonds. They are notorious for picking up grease -- that includes hand lotion. NEVER, NEVER put hand lotion on over your diamond ring. It makes them look really dull.

Here's a hint for you: Use common rubbing alcohol to clean your bathroom fixtures. It shines up chrome and brass, doesn't leave streaks, is inexpensive *and* is anti-bacterial.

Also, unsweetened lime kool-aid can be used to clean your silver. It is acidic enough to eat the tarnish right off. Think about that the next time you pour yourself a glass...

My words of wisdom(?) about cleaning:
(1) The "water-plus-vinegar" trick works, but "water-plus-lemon-juice" works just as well and smells better. It dissolves rust, brightens the shine on dull glass, gets rid of almost any stain (ink, hard water, that weird brownish stain you get on well-used cutting boards), and prevents scurvy too.

(2) About "anti-bacterial" soaps: don't believe the hype. Good ol' fashioned soap and hot water work wonderfully well, and are anti-bacterial all by themselves. This recent craze towards labelling soaps, rinses, and lip balms "antibacterial" is a marketing ploy at best, and promotes antibiotic resistance at worst.

(3) To get chewing gum out of cloth, either freeze it with an ice cube or rub in some egg white.

A tip for hurried door and key unsticking and uncreaking.
Grab a normal lead pencil (It's not actually lead, it graphite, that becomes important in a minute.)and go over all the joins in your hinges. Work the door back and forward a few times and repaet the whole process a few times.
The graphite in the pencil lubricates the brass or iron without corroding it. Graphite is dry and as such it won't promote rust. This also works for sticky keys as well. Work the pencil over the grooves in the key and gently in the key hole as well (but really gently, you don't want to break off the tip of the pencil in the lock!).
Then work the key in and out of the lock a few times, and gingerly work the lock with the key. Get up a good giggling motion, it will come naturally by feel as much as anything else.

Sometimes graphite comes as a "puffer spray" bottle and that stuff is great, but it's exactly the same ingredients as a pencil and that is more likeley to be to hand.

In the 1980's running shoes with velcro laces seemed to be popular for a while. Times move on and often now the shoes don't fit and have generally had it anyway.
Take a pair of scissors and cut the entire plastic velcro lace assembly off the shoe.
Then wrap the binding part around your hand, inside out, so the velcro is facing away from your palm.
Then gently run the velcro mit over the woolen garment.
I find it helps if you get a friend to wear it while you do it as you can get to all the nooks and crannies. Also a great way to bond with a prospective new partner.
Eventually the mit is completely full and you can clean it with a really stiff nail brush or as it is recycled you can chuck it.

If you're putting up shelves and want to make sure that they're straight but you don't have (or can't afford) a spirit level then this could help.

1)Get a small glass and fill it about a third with water.
2)Really carefully mark the top of the water with a marker on the outside of the glass, all the way around.
(a quick note here - this relies fairly heavily that the surface your working on initially is nice and level and flat, that good old kitchen table is usually a winner!)
3)Get the shelf roughly into position and put the glass on the shelf.
Now while it would be really good to have someone to help you through all this, you can do it on your own by loosely attaching one bracket, or fixing of the shelf - you'll see what I mean when you do it but if you've not done it before grab a friend.
4)Move the shelf around until the water in the glass is exactly on the mark on the outside of the glass. Now it's flat, and straight.
5)Mark the position of the shelf with a pencil remove the glass and fix in into position --- Ta Da.

The only way to stop your tap dripping forever is to change the washer. It's easy to do, but you need tools, and realistically someone has to show you how to do it properly or you could end up doing a lot of damage. Also, you have to turn off the water main, and for people in blocks of flats or who are renting this isn't always practical or legal.

So... If we're talking about the emergency "over-night-gotta-stop-that-tap-dripping-or-I'm-gonna-kill-need-sleep" kind of scenario here's something that may get you some temporary peace.

Grab a milk bottle or carton and fill it up with water. You want to arrange the open bottle so that the spout is under water, that way the drip has no where to fall. Books/sticky tape/ornamental vases, whatever's to hand, just so's it stays there for eight hours is all.

The bottle will fill up and continue to drip but it will slide down the bottle not fall with a mind crushing drip, drip, drip.

Get a cleaning sponge and stick it in the plug hole to stop the gurgling, and get some sleep. In the morning call a plumber or handy man and get it fixed - this is only temporary.

Finally if you want water out of that tap remove the bottle and let it run for about a minute, this is to stop any potential nasties that have crawled up through your water supply infecting you in the morning.

Outside: Grab yourself some clothes washing powder, and a soft bristle nylon broom, and a hose. (The broom I'm talking about is the T-style broom with broomstick not brush or thatch).
Close the windows.
Wet the windows.
Wet the broom.
Sprinkle a little bit of powder onto the wet broom.
Scrub away.
Rinse off with the hose befor it dries.
[Please note: This is an excellent technique with motor cars as well!]

Inside: Grabsome old newspaper and some methylated spirits.
Wipe down the windows with a damp cloth to get rid of most of the grime.
Then bunch up the news paper pour on the meths and polish away. The meths will dry by itself.

Every body has their own way but this is one that will work for you.
Clear the sink of all the stuff in it.
Clean out the sink.
Put all scraps into the compost and the bin.
Get the water as hot as it will go and stick in about a half a shot glass full of detergent.
(Please don't burn yourself - use rubber gloves if you're not sure!)
Start with the glasses.
Coffee/Tea cups.
Plates and bowls.
Cutlery.
Cooking tools.
Pots and pans last.

Use the softest cleaning cloth on things first - you don't want to scratch aunt Millie's fine bone china, then if the gungy bits still stick go a little rougher until finally you go the extreme prejudice of the steel wool. You'll get the feel of how tough stuff is in no time at all.

If you've got a second sink, great, fill that with fresh warm water and rinse everything as you do it.

If not, fine, make a little hole in the soap bubbles with your hand and rinse it as best you can with the water you've got. If you want to go really hard core, clean out the sink when you're finnished the wash run and rinse everything in the new fresh sink.

Let everything dry on it's own - it's much more hygenic that way! Come back in an hour after some telly or some H2G2 or something and they'll be dry enough to put away then. Stacking comes naturally in a short while.

I learned these fine living skills the hard way (batchelor - university, paints a picture doesn't it?!) and the most important thing I learned about the washing-up is to do it at least once a day!
Untold evil will crawl out of a weeks worth of washing up to do arcane badness to your health, and social life.
I have seen grown men weep, and shriek with mad terror, at the prospect of losing a lot decided competition on who gets to do the washing up, after a month's neglect. Young women and men of all nations! Save yourselves the scars of this spiralling hell! A left kitchen will surely lurk in your nightmares and sap any joy you might have eked out of a worsening life! However you feel it appropriate to wash, up do it once a day! ....Now where's my medication?

Students Guide to Washing Up
1.) Only buy paper plates and plastic cups, and have a very large recycling bin nearby. Plastic knifes and forks are also very handy.
2.) To save money, nick the ketchup packets from McDonalds, Burger King and various pubs. It also means there are fewer bottles lying around.
3.) Invite family members over regularly - for some reason, they always seem determined to either buy you washing equipment, or wash up everything for you. No-one knows why.
4.) Leave everything on the side to dry, but make sure all breakables are in a safe position. Someone always tries to take something from the bottom and make the whole pile collapse.
5.) Always rinse dirty pans etc off with water immediately after use, as it means the dirt is washed off before given a chance to harden. Especially milk, as it stains the bottoms of glasses.
6.) Name your tea-towels, then people will feel that drying up is like meeting an old friend.

And a general rule:
Never under-estimate the power of a post-it note - if you write them authoratively and do not leave your name, then people seem to obey them.

If you use stainless steel cutlery you can save time and effort by putting it in the washing machine. Makes quite a bit of noise so you might want to go down the pub while it does its thing.

Don't do this with crockery, though.

Most soap dishes seem to be designed to maximise contact between the soap and dish, resulting in the soap staying soggy, and losing a layer off the ouside every time it's used.

If you want a *free* soap dish that actually works, and don't mind about appearances, get yourself a 2 litre plastic drink bottle (one with a base made from 5 bumps), cut the base off at the bottom of the cylindrical section, cut some ~5mm drainage holes in the side of the bottom of each bump (if you get what I mean), and you're done.

The irregularity of the base minimises contact, and the sloping angle the soap is held at maximises runoff, so the soap drys out much more quickly, and lasts much longer.

If you have a surface with old cellophane tape (sellotape or Scotch tape) adhesive on it, give it a quick spritz
of WD-40 (don't do this on porous surfaces, as it will leave a grease mark). Rub with a soft cloth briskly back
and forth and the glue will come right off.

Another option for rinsing when you have only one sink is to only half fill (half empty?) your sink with soapy water and keep a slow trickle of hot/warm water running into the sink to rinse with. Watch your hands though if you decide to use hot water to rinse.

If you have a lot to clean it may be necessary to let some of the soapy water out and add more soap

After you have changed the oil on your lawn mower (or your car) to get the grease off your hands quickly, try dish soap with baking soda.
Grease cutting dish soaps work best.

A handy way to spruce up your wood furniture is to use shoe polish. You know the kind that comes in a little tin and you rub it on your shoes. Try to use a colour that closely matches the finish of the wood. Afterward polish with a regular furniture polish such as Pledge.
Good for watermarks and small scratches/imperfections.
Personally I tend to use it on my department store furniture rather than my Chippendale pieces.

Sudents note handy for those job interviews in you final year.

Wind some cellotape over your hand, sticky side out. And press down on all offending items. Make a good impression by having a dust, lint, hair and dndruff free suit.


On the subject of Dandruff.

If you do suffer avoid wearing a black suit as you are sure to shed more scalp particles before you get there. Use a light coloured suit.