Hangovers - The Polar Bear Theory.
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Naturalists would have you believe that polar bears are large white mammals that inhabit the northern frozen expanses living off seals or the odd unwary naturalist. They even concoct films of the polar bear in what they claim is their natural environment. Do not believe them there is a polar bear in your area. In fact there may be several hiding round the corner of your local pub.
In the arctic polar bears appear white because of all the snow around them. White they most definitely are not. Polar Bears possess a sophisticated camouflage system so effective that none may have ever been seen in your area. Do not take this as evidence that they are not there. They are waiting to follow unsuspecting drinkers home from every pub in the land.
Once the "victim" of the urban polar bear is sleeping soundly the bear will sneak into the victims bedroom, steel all of his money, beat him severely around the head and then do unmentionables in the victims mouth. In order to get away with this the urban polar bear selects its victims carefully choosing only those people who may have slightly over indulged in alcohol.
Believe me when I say I know that the urban polar bear exists why else would I wake up feeling like I have been beaten up by an 8 foot tall bear which then c_____ in my mouth before making off with all my money after a night down the local?
In the arctic polar bears appear white because of all the snow around them. White they most definitely are not. Polar Bears possess a sophisticated camouflage system so effective that none may have ever been seen in your area. Do not take this as evidence that they are not there. They are waiting to follow unsuspecting drinkers home from every pub in the land.
Once the "victim" of the urban polar bear is sleeping soundly the bear will sneak into the victims bedroom, steel all of his money, beat him severely around the head and then do unmentionables in the victims mouth. In order to get away with this the urban polar bear selects its victims carefully choosing only those people who may have slightly over indulged in alcohol.
Believe me when I say I know that the urban polar bear exists why else would I wake up feeling like I have been beaten up by an 8 foot tall bear which then c_____ in my mouth before making off with all my money after a night down the local?
