Genus Species of Poetica Caffinia (Order Family)

Poetica Caffinia are found most readily in open forum coffee house poetry recitations. Extensive research has been conducted in examining the variety of species attending such environments. What follows is a short summation of current findings. Further research is currently being conducted all around the globe. Species are listed in no particular order.

Jazzicus Pretentiousa:

A common species of the Caffinia family often found most readily in mid to large sized metropolitan areas. Individuals seem to subsist on a highly exclusive diet encompassing Jazz (with a distinct preference to Miles Davis and John Coltrane), extravagant coffee based beverages, and small amounts of baked goods and sandwiches. Coat colors usually vary from gray to black. Dominance is most often settled on by an individual's mastery of a rather characteristic form of call, a manner of recitation which involves changing the accented volume of a (typically) extremely long series of words (with significant amounts of repetition). Most often found in packs, which prove to be extremely territorial but feign tolerance of competing species. At times, male members of Jazzicus Pretentiousa can be found mating with, or attempting (most often the later) with members of Amora Vagina (see below)

Amora Vagina:

A curious species that, according to all current data, only manifests female members. Distinguishable characteristics can often be tricky with this species but certain elements can assist in a correct classification, notably diet- Mildly omnivorous with preference towards feminine folk singers, and their call- A form of verbal expression, that when translated seems to signify feelings of emotional exploitation by male members of related species and a definite emphasis on the superiority of feminine characteristics. In at least one instance close study of this species has resulted in the death of one researcher (who for sake of accuracy was male). As many members of this species can closely resemble other species, care must be taken to examine their call.

Oratorus Deficationus:

• Oratorus Deficationus Therapias: A subspecies of Oratorus Deficationous that seems largely concerned with the accumulating positive social feedback from particularly massive displays of public defecation. This subspecies has a much more pronounced amount of stool on any given act of excretion. Stool samples yield large amounts of emotional trauma with a high need for exhibitionism of said samples.
• Oratorus Deficatinonus Gothica: Closely resembles the Therapias subspecies but stool samples yield a higher amount of introverted isolation and depression. This subspecies is often exceedingly easily to classify due to its physical characteristics, pale skin often contrasted by a uniformly black coat.

Patheticus Middleageia:

A species noted for the advanced age of its members. Individuals of this species seem drawn to territories held by packs of other species. No researcher has yet stumbled upon a nest of Patheticus Middleageia but theories abound about their existence. Vocal calls often resemble Oratorus Deficationus but stool samples reveal a generally higher level of education.

Politica Emphasium:

A curious species that seems concerned with the motivation of other species to whatever social ends an individual condones or condemns. A highly independent species, so much so as that examples of two members of this species encountering one another often proves dangerous for all in the area, and many field researchers have been lost on such occasions, examine this species afar until you can safely determine that it travels alone. Their calls often involve large chunks of facts. Dietary habits are largely constituted of economic treaties and essays on social equality, but wide variations occur in the diet of this species.

Artistica Uniquea:

By far the most rare species found. Specimens have manifested sharp intellects and are most easily distinguishable from other species by their highly complex and generally pleasant (in overall quality, not content) calls. Artistica Uniquea are extremely solitary, only rarely pairing up, and never have more than two examples of this species been seen together. Other species are often extremely hostile when confronted by a member of this species and fatality or migration is common outcome. Rarely, a particular location will support one member of this species to the jealous exclusion of any more. This species is known for its almost constant migratory habits.