h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Sometimes, the best bit of a card is the flavour text. Here are some of my favorites:

ALUREN
Squee bounced up and down. “I sees a horsey, an’ a piggy, an’ a—”
“If you don’t shut up,” hissed Mirri, “you’ll see a kidney and a spleeny.”

WHEEL OF TORTURE
“I’d like to buy a bowel.”

AETHER FLASH
“You can’t get there from here. Well, you can —it just won’t be fun.”

OW
"Have you ever noticed how some flavor text has no relevance whatsoever to the card it’s on?"

Those are all good copies of flavor text, though it should be made clear that they have absolutely nothing to do with playing the game.

A couple other good ones include:

OBSIANUS GOLEM
"The foot stone is connected to the ankle stone, the ankle stone is connected to the leg stone...." -Song of the Artificer

GRANITE GARGOYLE
"While most outworlders fortunately don't realize this, Gargoyles can be most delicious, providing you have the appropriate tools to carve them." -The Underworld Cookbook, by Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar

JADE STATUE
"Some of the other guys dared me to touch it, but I knew it weren't no ordinary hunk o' Rock" -Norin the Wary

GOBLIN SHRINE
"I knew it weren't no ordinary pile of-- you know." -Norin the Wary

KOBOLD TASKMASTER
The Taskmaster knows there is no cure for the common Kobold.

some of my favorites:

REPENTANCE: "The cannon wasn't aimed at you!" pleaded Vhati. "I'm not sure which is more pathetic," replied Greven, "your judgement or your aim."

VHATI IL-DAL: "Sir, I just thought...," explained Vhati. "Don't think," interrupted Greven. "It doesn't suit you."

DIABOLIC EDICT: Greven il-Vec lifted Vhati off his feet. "The fall will give you time to think on your failure."


CARRION RATS: "Just what I need -- more competition." -Cabal grave robber

RATS' FEAST: "That does it -- I quit!" -Cabal grave robber