ANGEL QUOTES - SEASON 2
Created | Updated Jun 27, 2004
WRITTEN BY TEAM ANGEL (Darla)
Judgment
Gym Manager: That guy has horns.
Angel: Steroids, not good for you.
Caritas Host: This isn't about your pipes bro. It's about your spirit. I can't read you unless you sing.
Angel: I don't sing.
Cordelia: C'mon, Angel. I wanna hear you sing.
Wesley: It-It would be for a good cause, we might learn something.
Angel: Who's the boss here?
Caritas: I know you're feeling smooth in the groove. Isn't that the thing that comes before a fall?
Angel: There are three things I don't do. Tan, date and sing in public.
Cordelia: You can't see everything. You're just a vampire like everyone else. That didn't come out right.
Angel: I thought I was out of the tunnel.
Cordelia: Sure you did. Because the tunnel is... you know... its something we all... are you talking real tunnel or symbolic, just give me that much.
Angel: I-I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, that someday I might become human. That light was so bright, I thought I was already out.
Cordelia: Yeah. We all got a little cocky, didn't we? It's gonna be a long while before you work your way out. But, I know you well enough to know you will, and I'll be with you until you do.
Angel: What about your inevitable stardom?
Cordelia: I'm not saying I won't have a day job.
Cordelia: That man, would do anything to save a life.
Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow.
Faith: You're kidding?
Angel: In front of people.
Faith: And here I am talking about my petty little problems.
Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective.
Faith: Copacabana?
Angel: Mandy, I don't want to dwell on it.
Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path.
Angel: That it is.
Faith: Think we might make it?
Angel: We might.
Angel: The thing about a gym is that you're not alone. You got people, it encourages you to work out.
Cordelia: You don't have to work out, you're eternal.
Angel: I may not always be.
Cordelia: (To Wes) It was the Vartite monster. It took 2 days to kill that thing. It's got Wolfram & Hart written all over it.
Angel: You got your steam, ya got your sauna, your fresh towels. I mean, how bad can it be.
Cordelia: You shower with a lot of men.
Angel: I'll always be a loner.
Angel: It's sorta my job.
Woman: Your job?
Angel: Yeah, look I got cards... and, and, an office. Well, the office kinda blew up and we're working out of this other apartment in Silverlake... temporarily.
Cordelia: Wesley, you've heard Angel talk about Gunn. He's a great guy, with a really fly street tag.
Wesley: What's he fly?
Cordelia: It's how they know you on the street, Dorko. Gun, it really let's 'em know you mean business.
Gunn: It's my name, two "n's."
Cordelia: Oh Lord, will no one shut me up?
Cordelia: Cat got your tongue, Merl?
Merl: I don't have a tongue.
Cordelia: Oh.
Angel: Where is she?
Caritas Host: My question first, and answer true cause you know, I'll know. Why Mandy?
Angel: Well, I know the words. I kinda think it's pretty.
Caritas Host: And it is, you great big sap! There's not a destroyer of worlds can argue with Mandy, and good for you for fessing up.
Woman: You okay?
Angel: Yeah.
Woman: You sure seem to bleed a lot.
Angel: It's part of the job.
Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been
Angel: It's just blood, Judy. It's all just blood.
Judy: I'm not one thing or the other. I am nothing.
Angel: I know what that's like.
Angel: I know you've got a reputation, that's why I'm here. Now it's been a long time since I opened a vein but I'll do it, you pull more of that Van Helsing Jr. crap with me. Are we clear?
Wesley: This is a house of evil.
Angel: Not any more.
Denver: So, you were what? About my age when you were made?
Angel: I don't know. How old are you?
Denver: Just north of 30.
Angel: NO.
Wesley: Orb of Ramjarin?
Gunn: Orb of Ramjarin please, makes it happen.
Wesley: Please, and do be careful, ancient conjuring orbs are extremely fragile. (Gunn tosses the Orb) ANGEEEEL!
Angel: Guys, don't listen to it, all right? Whatever it's whispering to you, just ignore it.
Cordelia: They were like this all the way over here in the car.
Angel: Oh.
Wesley: Angel, you don't find me especially paranoid do you?
Angel: Not especially.
Wesley: Thank God, I was worried.
Wesley: I've been accused of a great many things in my time but paranoid has never been one of them. Unless people have been saying it behind my back.
Cordelia: Are we finished?
Angel: I think so.
Cordelia: Good. Cause, I for one will be glad to see the last of this place. It gives me the heebie jeebies.
Gunn: No lie. Plus it's kind of got an odor to it, you notice that?
Cordelia: Seventy years of violence, mayhem and paranoia. Bad vibes.
Angel: We're moving in.
Cordelia: A few throw pillows, what's not to love?
First Impressions
Cordelia: Oh, this isn't mere dust, this is 'son of dust.' This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust. I give up.
Wesley: Very well, we'll just move our offices back to your living room.
Cordelia: And I'm dusting.
Gunn: Sleeping, it's 3:30 in the afternoon. I've been up since dawn.
Cordelia: (to Wes) Sort of missing the whole 'creature of the night' angle, isn't he?
Gunn: Thanks for the help, always enhances a guys rep when some skinny white beauty queen comes to his rescue in front of his crew.
Cordelia: Paging Mr. Rationalization.
Gunn: Paging Miss 'about to be thrown out of a moving vehicle.'
Gunn: Mace!?
Cordelia: Squirt, squirt, right in the eyes.
Gunn: You expecting me to be jumped by a couple of purse snatching demons?
Cordelia: Well, It'll just have to do cause I'm your protector, whether you like it or not.
Gunn: Well something better attack me soon cause I know I can't take much more of this.
Gunn: You know, I gotta tell you, you are one high maintenance chick.
Gunn: I ain't buying' none of this Dionne Warwick crap.
Gunn: You two? I find Deevak, I'm going to need more than CP30 and stick figure Barbie backin' me up, no offense.
Wesley: Very little taken.
Cordelia: I am so sick of dust.
Angel: I can't lift my arm all the way.
Gunn: That vamp did a number on my ribs.
Wesley: I'm afraid I threw my back out.
Gunn: I haven't bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed of the Oscar for Malcolm X. Later.
Wesley: That as quite a performance.
Cordelia: I know, talk about wound up too tight.
Wesley: No, I mean Denzel.
Cordelia: Oh, well he's always great.
Wesley: What about you?
Angel: Who doesn't like Denzel?
Wesley: No, I mean...
Wesley: Angel, It's me!
Angel: What are you doing here?
Wesley: Gunn's in trouble. Can't breathe.
Angel: Gunn can't breathe?
Wesley: I can't breathe.
Angel: Oh, sorry.
Wesley: Oh, it's quite all right. Now, about the naked thing?
Angel: I'll get dressed.
Wesley: Much appreciated.
Angel: Well, it's-it's just you know... the whole visibility issue. Not to mention the whole hat head thing, and you know when you really think about it ... How come I have to wear the ladies' helmet?
Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on. Looks good, hop on gorgeous.
Angel: You'll pay for this.
Untouched
Darla: There's nothing so lovely as dreams, everything in them, everything hidden. Open those chambers and you can truly understand someone, and control them.
Lilah: And what's hidden in Angel's secret chambers?
Darla: Horrors.
Gunn: The fair Cordelia. You still saving my life?
Cordelia: Every minute.
Gunn: How's that working out?
Cordelia: You're alive aren't you.
Cordelia: No think, pay. That's an order.
Angel: Hey, how about we pretend you work for me.
Cordelia: You are really unpleasant when you...
Angel: Then why don't we pretend you don't.
Cordelia: You can't fire me, I'm vision girl.
Bethany: I could make you happy.
Angel: You wouldn't like me when I'm happy.
Wesley: Our discussions tend to go about three minutes then it's strictly name calling and hair pulling.
Angel: So, what do we have here?
Officer: Ah, you're not...
Angel: (To crowd) Hey, you want to get behind the tape? You gotta gawk, go home, watch a high speed chase on Fox. (To Officer) You want to think about keeping the tourist off my crime scene?
Officer: But...
Angel: I'm out of vice three weeks and I've seen enough amateur night crap to fill a mini series.
Cordelia: You know he helps people with problems.
Bethany: So, what's wrong with you?
Wesley: Where to begin?
Wesley: If I'd given her time to get her defenses up...
Cordelia: She wouldn't be crying, you wouldn't be bruised, and Angel wouldn't have had a near melba toast experience.
Cordelia: You can't fire Wesley. I'll quit too. Unless you're firm.
Angel: The time I've lived, I've seen some horrors, scary behavior, and a couple of fashion trends I constantly pray to forget.
Dear Boy
Angel: Guess you didn't take that whole 'dust to dust' thing to heart, did you?
Angelus: Hello love.
Darla: We made quite a mess out there, blood and habits everywhere.
Angelus: Convents, they're just a big cookie jar.
Darla: So, do we kill her during or after?
Angelus: We turn her into one of us. Killing is so merciful in the end, isn't it? The pain is ended.
Darla: But to make her one of us, she's a lunatic.
Angelus: Eternal torment. Am I learning?
Angel: It's been a long time since I said this to anyone, but you can scream all you want.
Angel: That's enough!
Darla: I'm pretty familiar with the international sign for enough, and you have a ways to go.
Angel: You took me places, showed me things, huh. You blew the top of my head off, but you never made me happy.
Darla: But that... that cheerleader did?!
Darla: There was a time, in the early years, when you would have said I was the definition of bliss. Buffy wasn't happiness, she was just new.
Angel: Darla, you hurt anyone else and I'll kill you.
Darla: Isn't that against your cub scout code?
Angel: I'll make an exception.
Darla: You see, no matter how good a boy you are, God doesn't want you. But I still do.
Cordelia: He can't be having a growth spurt at 248, could he?
Angel: 247
Cordelia: What if, every time you identified a demon in one of your big, old books, we give you ten bucks, or a chicken pot pie?
Wesley: Wait, I have another idea. NO. Get a vision.
Angel: Are you all right? You sure you don't want to sit down?
Cordelia: If I sit, I'll throw up in my head.
Cordelia: I think the fight is how to worship it.
Angel: This is why personally, I rarely go to church... I thought it was funny.
Darla: So did I.
Angel: Ahh, uh, didn't doze off. Here I am. Where were we?
Gunn: OH, you are NOT paying me enough for this!
Jeakins: I trust Claire, but I found this receipt from the Franklin Hotel, weekend before last, when she was supposed to be in the Trifid Nebula.
Wesley: Oh, he's an eccentric, all the great ones are. Sherlock Holmes, Phillip Marlowe...
Jeakins: Those are fictional characters.
Wesley: Right you are, which gives Angel rather a leg up when you come to think of it.
Cordelia: Personal Bubble! Personal Bubble!
Wesley: I need to speak with you, man to man. Cordelia, you may not want to be here for this... Was it something I did?
Wesley: Vampires don't come back from the dead.
Angel: I did and I saw her. I'm not crazy.
Wesley: Where?
Angel: Right between the clowns and the big talking hot dog.
Cordy: We have an exciting new case, could be aliens, could be adultery. It's a corker!
Lindsey: Woman should have her own series.
Guise Will Be Guise
Caritas Host: You don't have to sing. A break for you, a break for me, and a break for Manilow.
Cordelia: (To Wesley) Right. This is Angel. 'Oh, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday."
Wesley: Release her, or die.
Angel: Don't I say that?
Cordelia: (To Wesley) Do you have any clothes a man would wear?
Gunn: See. What?! That's the plan? Walking real quick was the plan?
Angel: I guess I'm a little, um… rocky.
Caritas Host: You're Rocky and Rocky II, and half of the one with Mr. T.
Gunn: Wait, are you saying, … is he gonna sing? Oh God, is Angel gonna sing?
Angel: We're going. I don't have to sing.
Cordelia: Oh thank God!
T'ish Magev: Vampire living in a city known for its sun, driving a convertible. Why do you hate yourself?
Angel: I don't. I got a deal.
T'ish Magev: You got a deal? Why not a personalized license plate that says, 'irony?'
Angel: Top goes up.
Wesley: Blood. I don't usually… drink in front of humans.
Magnus: Don't insult me, go on. It's fresh.
Wesley: Dear God! That's... yummy.
T'ish Magev: How many warriors slated for the coming apocalypse do you think are going to be using that hair gel? Don't get me wrong. You're out there, fighting the ultimate evil; you're going to want something with hold.
Cordelia: What's wrong with you? You've got delusions of Angel. You're not him. You can't do stuff on your own.
Angel: That's my coat, right?
Angel: You know Cordelia, you're just jealous because he's getting attention.
Cordelia: Damn Skippy! He's getting famous off this. Reflected glory, that's my thing.
Angel: Get a little perspective. Bodyguard to the stars, yeah right. There's no Wyndham Pryce Agency!
Darla
The Master: You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul.
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil have me, if he'll take me. Either way, I'll die.
The Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: I remember. You're Death?
The Master: No.
Darla: What then?
The Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will.
Angelus: I could never live in a rat infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.
Angel: You get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it.
Angel: If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia: Sorry, I know you're concussion gal and all but around here it's Angel, just Angel.
Darla: They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats.
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat, to know really and for once that your alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course, I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla: Fine , fine. If it's such a punishment then, take out your revenge, pay me back. Please...
Angel: I can't
Wesley: Goodnight.
Angel: You're still here.
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Angel: We're a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.
Angel: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, am I?
Darla: Drusilla, the camp. Go on, kill things.
Darla: Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live.
Spike: Buuurpp...! What?
Lindsey: Did you re-notify his family?
Darla
The Master: You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul.
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil have me, if he'll take me. Either way, I'll die.
The Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: I remember. You're Death?
The Master: No.
Darla: What then?
The Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will.
Angelus: I could never live in a rat infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.
Angel: You get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it.
Angel: If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia: Sorry, I know you're concussion gal and all but around here it's Angel, just Angel.
Darla: They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats.
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat, to know really and for once that your alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course, I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla: Fine , fine. If it's such a punishment then, take out your revenge, pay me back. Please...
Angel: I can't
Wesley: Goodnight.
Angel: You're still here.
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Angel: We're a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.
Angel: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, am I?
Darla: Drusilla, the camp. Go on, kill things.
Darla: Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live.
Spike: Buuurpp...! What?
Lindsey: Did you re-notify his family?
Darla
The Master: You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul.
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil have me, if he'll take me. Either way, I'll die.
The Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: I remember. You're Death?
The Master: No.
Darla: What then?
The Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will.
Angelus: I could never live in a rat infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.
Angel: You get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it.
Angel: If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia: Sorry, I know you're concussion gal and all but around here it's Angel, just Angel.
Darla: They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats.
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat, to know really and for once that your alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course, I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla: Fine , fine. If it's such a punishment then, take out your revenge, pay me back. Please...
Angel: I can't
Wesley: Goodnight.
Angel: You're still here.
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Angel: We're a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.
Angel: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, am I?
Darla: Drusilla, the camp. Go on, kill things.
Darla: Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live.
Spike: Buuurpp...! What?
Lindsey: Did you re-notify his family?
Darla
The Master: You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul.
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil have me, if he'll take me. Either way, I'll die.
The Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: I remember. You're Death?
The Master: No.
Darla: What then?
The Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will.
Angelus: I could never live in a rat infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.
Angel: You get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it.
Angel: If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia: Sorry, I know you're concussion gal and all but around here it's Angel, just Angel.
Darla: They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats.
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat, to know really and for once that your alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course, I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla: Fine , fine. If it's such a punishment then, take out your revenge, pay me back. Please...
Angel: I can't
Wesley: Goodnight.
Angel: You're still here.
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Angel: We're a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.
Angel: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, am I?
Darla: Drusilla, the camp. Go on, kill things.
Darla: Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live.
Spike: Buuurpp...! What?
Lindsey: Did you re-notify his family?
The Shroud of Rahmon
Wesley: He helps people, you know. When he's not in trouble himself.
Angel: You get stuck between me and Darla, it'll be the last thing you'll ever do.
Angel: Yeah, he ran with the whole Sinatra rat-pack thing, never got over it.
Angel: I hate waiting, you got anybody to eat around here?
Angel: This guy here, he's a troublemaker. All right, I know a Vagnu demon, professional driver, never opens up his mouth.
Gunn: I know a vampire better shut his.
Cordelia: I'm not big on Shrouds, they're an after you die outfit.
Angel: I'm the good guy, wait, I'm the bad guy.
Angel: Wow! Look at you. Rushin' in here all by yourself. You're the best cop ever.
Angel: I don't know, I like it when they're scared, makes 'em taste, you know, kind of salty.
Cordelia: You can bet if someone ordered a male body part for religious sacrifice... the world would be Athest... (snaps fingers) like THAT!
Wesley: What happened to your head?
Cordelia: Excuse me?
Wesley: Your hair. It's new... it's great. When did this happen?
Cordelia: Ten days ago.
Wesley: Of course. I..I.. didn't want to... embarrass you by...
Cordelia: Noticing?
Cordelia: Oh contraire, his day is packed. Brood about Darla, brood about Darla, lunch, followed by a little Darla brooding.
Wesley: Right, enough is enough. I'm going to march up there and tell him just that.
Cordelia: Nice posturing.
Wesley: Thank you.
Cordelia: Uh-huh. Time to trapise off to a 'your shallow, soul sucking Hollywood party?'
Wesley: Premier actually, and I... ah... happened to have an extra ticket.
Cordelia: Who does shallow better than me?
Gunn: And what am I supposed to do, sit home and knit?
Angel: I could use a sweater, somethin' dark.
Angel: Cordelia, what happened?
Cordelia: It's not blood, it's cocktail sauce, courtesty of Mr. Star Schmoozer here.
Angel: I mean, to your head, your hair... Well... it looks great. When did this happen?
Wesley: Ten days ago, pay attention.
Wesley: We, uh, had a little misshap, with the little shrimp, and uh, the sauce, and her dress.
Angel: You were at a party?
Cordelia: You know, party, soiree, night of a thousand humiliations.
Wesley: I spilled it on her in front of Mr. Fat... Chow... Chow.
Cordelia: Chow Yun Fat!
Angel: What? You met Chow Yun Fat?!
Angel: Hey, how you doin? You look sharp. That ah, plastic surgeon... did he give you the big rebate?
Demon: Let's go, car's over here.
Angel: Yah, you know, the trip was faboo, I love flyin' coach, and... What is that piece of junk?
Demon: You're funny vampire.
Angel: Oh, whoa, we need to talk bro. Two things bringin' in the chicks, the do and the ride.
Demon: Get in.
Angel: I hope I don't see anybody I know.
Angel: I like the shirt. Where'd you get that, Ed's big and spiny?
Demon: Something wrong?
Gunn: Depends. Do we all got to wear these ugly-ass shirts? Is this like, you know, a team thing? Cause, you know, I got my pride.
Wesley: Click on recent acquisitions. Right there. There!
Cordelia: I've got it! Geesh, back seat surfer.
Gunn: When are they gonna start making some pretty demons?
Gunn: You about to turn or somethin'?
Angel: No.
Gunn: You don't look like NO.
Angel: Shut up and lift, Lester.
Gunn: Don't give me orders, Elvis.
Angel: You know, I'm getting pretty sick of this vampires-killed-my-sister-so-now-I'm-all-entitled song. Don't you know anything else? Like say, ah, MacArthur Park?
The Trial
Angel: So, you really want to be made by some creep in a filthy alley?
Darla: I wanted you to do it.
Angel: That'll never happen.
Darla: So, I do what I have to do. Anyway, you were made in an alley if I recall.
Angel: You do this thing, I won't be able to leave you alone, don't you get that, huh? I'll never be able to leave you alone. Next time it'll be you on the end of this stake. I'm sorry, and I don't want that, not again.
Darla: Don't worry. I wouldn't let it happen twice.
Cordelia: Yes, but you were just soulless bloodsucking demons. They're lawyers
Angel: (To Darla) She's right. We were amateurs.
Angel: I may not be able to come in, Lindsey, but...
Lindsey: Wipe your feet.
Angel: What?
Lindsey: Wipe your feet, you can come in. Jeez, I invite you in already.
Angel: Do you love her Lindsey? Is that what this is? Heh, look at you. A few short months with her and you go all schoolboy. I was with her 150 years.
Lindsey: But you never loved her.
Angel: I wasn't capable of it and neither are you.
Angel: Maybe it would be different. I mean, we don't know. Maybe, ah, because, you know, I have a soul... if I did bite you..
Darla: No.
Angel: We don't know what it would do to you.
Darla: Angel, I've seen it now. Everything you're going through, everything you've gone through. I felt it. I felt how you care. They way no one ever cared before. Not for me. It's all I need from you.
Angel: It's not enough.
Darla: It is.
Lindsey: How did you think this would end?
Darla: All right, then let's be animals. At least for tonight. Unless of course, you're tired.
Angelus: Bastards!
Wesley: I keep hearing a... "chucka chucka" sound. What's he doing down there?
Cordelia: How should I know? He barely says good morning and get me a glass of blood anymore.
Cordelia: And, I thought you were going to be a man and talk to him about this.
Wesley: I was a man... I said, things.
Cordelia: Like what?
Wesley: Like did he prefer milk or sugar in his tea. It's how men talk about things in England!
Angel: Mmmm, don't you love it when they're still warm from the dryer? Wrinkle-free, heh, right, after you iron it for fifteen minutes.
Wesley: It's good to see you... taking a domestic tack.
Cordelia: Yeah, you seem all calm and homey... are you on drugs?
Cordelia: You lied to us.
Angel: I did. I know.
Wesley: Why?
Angel: I figured you'd nag.
Cordelia: Listen up Mister. If you expect us to go with you on some wild goose chase... then guess again. We're not going to enable you in your addiction!
Wesley: Didn't we learn anything from the tea?!
Darla: How long have you been...?
Shempire: An eternal child of darkness? Since, ah '92.
Darla: Nineteen ninety-two?
Darla: Why do you think I came into this bar? For the snacks?
Shempire: Sweetheart, in this bar you are the snacks.
Angel: Scent's still fresh, a lot of fear.
Gunn: Don't envy that particular talent. Not based on what I'm gettin' with just my standard issue human smeller. Man, not even for free cable. You know what I'm sayin'?
Angelus: This is outrageous. Don't these people know who we are?
Darla: I think they do, which would explain the lynch mob.
Angelus: This man Holtz, how does he keep finding us?
Darla: Well, we stay in the best hotels, order room service, eat the waiters. People talk.
Cordelia: So, first up, you're our prisoner.
Wesley: I'd have to concur with that, yes.
Cordelia: You've got our friend all in knots.
Wesley: Can't say we like you much.
Cordelia: So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape, we will hit you.
Cordelia: On the head.
Cordelia: With very large and heavy objects. Ok.
Cordelia: I'm sorry but after 400 years of death and destruction, it seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?
Caritas Host: You still testy from the last time?
Angel: I don't know, when you sent me to that Swami who was dead and his imposter tried to kill me? Why would I be testy about that?
Caritas Host: Look you're a big hunk of hero sandwich.
Caritas Host: Okay, I know I'm probably going to regret this. In fact, being prescient, I'm actually sure of it.
The Trial
Angel: So, you really want to be made by some creep in a filthy alley?
Darla: I wanted you to do it.
Angel: That'll never happen.
Darla: So, I do what I have to do. Anyway, you were made in an alley if I recall.
Angel: You do this thing, I won't be able to leave you alone, don't you get that, huh? I'll never be able to leave you alone. Next time it'll be you on the end of this stake. I'm sorry, and I don't want that, not again.
Darla: Don't worry. I wouldn't let it happen twice.
Cordelia: Yes, but you were just soulless bloodsucking demons. They're lawyers
Angel: (To Darla) She's right. We were amateurs.
Angel: I may not be able to come in, Lindsey, but...
Lindsey: Wipe your feet.
Angel: What?
Lindsey: Wipe your feet, you can come in. Jeez, I invite you in already.
Angel: Do you love her Lindsey? Is that what this is? Heh, look at you. A few short months with her and you go all schoolboy. I was with her 150 years.
Lindsey: But you never loved her.
Angel: I wasn't capable of it and neither are you.
Angel: Maybe it would be different. I mean, we don't know. Maybe, ah, because, you know, I have a soul... if I did bite you..
Darla: No.
Angel: We don't know what it would do to you.
Darla: Angel, I've seen it now. Everything you're going through, everything you've gone through. I felt it. I felt how you care. They way no one ever cared before. Not for me. It's all I need from you.
Angel: It's not enough.
Darla: It is.
Lindsey: How did you think this would end?
Darla: All right, then let's be animals. At least for tonight. Unless of course, you're tired.
Angelus: Bastards!
Wesley: I keep hearing a... "chucka chucka" sound. What's he doing down there?
Cordelia: How should I know? He barely says good morning and get me a glass of blood anymore.
Cordelia: And, I thought you were going to be a man and talk to him about this.
Wesley: I was a man... I said, things.
Cordelia: Like what?
Wesley: Like did he prefer milk or sugar in his tea. It's how men talk about things in England!
Angel: Mmmm, don't you love it when they're still warm from the dryer? Wrinkle-free, heh, right, after you iron it for fifteen minutes.
Wesley: It's good to see you... taking a domestic tack.
Cordelia: Yeah, you seem all calm and homey... are you on drugs?
Cordelia: You lied to us.
Angel: I did. I know.
Wesley: Why?
Angel: I figured you'd nag.
Cordelia: Listen up Mister. If you expect us to go with you on some wild goose chase... then guess again. We're not going to enable you in your addiction!
Wesley: Didn't we learn anything from the tea?!
Darla: How long have you been...?
Shempire: An eternal child of darkness? Since, ah '92.
Darla: Nineteen ninety-two?
Darla: Why do you think I came into this bar? For the snacks?
Shempire: Sweetheart, in this bar you are the snacks.
Angel: Scent's still fresh, a lot of fear.
Gunn: Don't envy that particular talent. Not based on what I'm gettin' with just my standard issue human smeller. Man, not even for free cable. You know what I'm sayin'?
Angelus: This is outrageous. Don't these people know who we are?
Darla: I think they do, which would explain the lynch mob.
Angelus: This man Holtz, how does he keep finding us?
Darla: Well, we stay in the best hotels, order room service, eat the waiters. People talk.
Cordelia: So, first up, you're our prisoner.
Wesley: I'd have to concur with that, yes.
Cordelia: You've got our friend all in knots.
Wesley: Can't say we like you much.
Cordelia: So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape, we will hit you.
Cordelia: On the head.
Cordelia: With very large and heavy objects. Ok.
Cordelia: I'm sorry but after 400 years of death and destruction, it seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?
Caritas Host: You still testy from the last time?
Angel: I don't know, when you sent me to that Swami who was dead and his imposter tried to kill me? Why would I be testy about that?
Caritas Host: Look you're a big hunk of hero sandwich.
Caritas Host: Okay, I know I'm probably going to regret this. In fact, being prescient, I'm actually sure of it.
Reunion
Holland: Drusilla, you are positively glowing.
Drusilla: I'm going to be a mummy!
Cordelia: Hitting the pause button. Wolfram and Hart, as in vampire detectors, crack security system and armed guards. Nice plan, General Custer.
Gunn: You had me at, "Everyone, gear up."
Drusilla: You're all new again!
Angel: I'd be careful who you offer your hand to, Mr. Manners. You might just loose it. Isnt' that right, Lindsey?
Angel: You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die, innocent people.
Holland: And yet, I just can't seem to care.
Darla: Why aren't you afraid?
Lindsey: I don't know.
Darla: You could die here. Chances are, you will.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Darla: And you don't care?
Lindsey: I care. I guess I just don't mind.
Holland: Angel, please; people are going to die.
Angel: And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care.
Wesley: You could have stopped them.
Angel: And I will.
Cordelia: When? After they've finished off all the people you don't like?
Cordelia: You have to change the way you've been doing things. Don't you see where this is taking you?
Wesley: Listen to her. Right now, the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness.
Gunn: You best believe that man.
Angel: I do. You're all fired.
Lilah: Think maybe now you've got a shot with her?
Darla: Dru honey, in our new digs, we have to put in a people celler.
Angel: Morgog couldn't find his way to his hairy spine-hump without a road map.
Drusilla: Yeah, yeah. Spank us till Tuesday. Grrrr. We promise to be bad if you do.
Gunn: (To Angel, while he's digging through a cabinet.) She probably isn't in there.
Gunn: That means, the granddaughter remade the grandmother.
Wesley: Uh... yes.
Gunn: Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole blood-sucking thing.
Drusilla: I saw you coming, my lovely, the moon showed me. It told me to come into the 20th century.
Angel: It's the 21st century, Dru.
Drusilla: I'm still lagging.
Wesley: So, you did find them, then? Where are they now?
Angel: I don't know.
Cordelia: But you know where they're going to be?
Angel: Not exactly.
Wesley: But yet, you have your suspicions?
Angel: Actually, I don't.
Cordelia: So, it's more like a hunch?
Angel: Wouldn't say, hunch.
Cordelia: Could you say inkling? Please tell me you can at least say, inkling.
Wesley: Angel, pull over.
Angel: I'll slow down, all right.
Wesley: NO. Pull over, she's having a vision.
Gunn: Tell me it ain't us she's seeing wrapped around a lamp post.
Cordelia: It's in the other direction, turn around!
Angel: We're almost there.
Wesley: Angel!
Cordelia: Ahhhhaa.
Angel: She should have done this before we left the hotel.
Wesley: ANGEL!
Drusilla: Oh, I'm ringing. Do you hear it? I'm ringing all over. Oh, yah, I forgot about that.
Redefinition
Cordelia: One thing you can say about Angel, at least he's consistent. It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge.
Angel: (To himself) I'm not ready yet. Too many years spent sleeping in soft beds, living in a world where I don't belong. I can't fight them, not yet. But soon.
Virginia: You're a Renowned Specialist in -- in Supernatural Aide and Rescue.
Lilah: Oh, what's wrong Lindsey? You bitter 'cause your girlfriend didn't slit my throat?
Lindsey: That might be overstating it, more like bummed.
Darla: See Lindsey, during my stint as Wolfram and Hart's puppet, something occurred to me. I loathe being used. If I recall, I sent you a fifteen body memo to that effect.
Darla: I spent two hundred and fifty years without Angel. You think just because I went through a little human phase, I'd go all gooey?
Darla: If you think you have what it takes to join us, auditions are tonight, here, at this address. Winners will have the opportunity to foment mass destruction; losers will be gutted and left for dead. Have a nice night.
Drusilla: We could have a thousand soldiers and still he'll come. Galloping, galloping, still he'll come.
Darla: For God's sake, can't a woman wreak a little havoc without there being a man involved?
Gunn: This thing nearly ripped us up to shreds.
Cordelia: Yeah, but out of everybody here, which one of us is the dead one?
Drusilla: I'm burning, make it stop, please.
Darla: Shh, Baby, shh. That wasn't Angel.
Drusilla: He's gone. He's all gone. Oh, it hurts, it hurts.
Darla: It wasn't Angelus either.
Drusilla: Darla, help me, please, please, please.
Darla: Who was that?
Wesley: I thought you might like to know that we're keeping the agency open, with or without you. You may have turned your back on your mission, but we haven't. Someone has to fight the good fight.
Angel: (To himself) Let them fight the good fight. Someone has to fight the war.
Merl: All right, all right, all right. I heard about your girls... Godzilla, Darcilla, whatever.
Darla: You know, in a perfect world, Angel would be here right now, helping me burn this city to the ground. This is his job I'm doing. But, where is he? Probably flogging himself in a church somewhere.
Drusilla: Ooh...flogging. Ooh...churches.
Cordelia: Can someone explain to me, just what happened here?
Wesley: I believe we were fired.
Gunn: Canned.
Wesley: Let go.
Gunn: Axed.
Wesley: Shown the door.
Gunn: Booted.
Cordelia: All right, all right. I get it.
Wesley: Your father tried to sacrifice you to the Goddess Yeska.
Virginia: Yeah, one of the main reasons I'll never talk to him again.
Wesley: Bloody Mary, please.
Bartender: You want real blood with that?
Wesley: Uh...No. Bloodless, thanks.
Wesley: (To himself) Steady on Wesley. Perhaps something by Cat Stevens.
Wesley: What are you doing here?
Cordelia: Oh.. Ah, well. I was um, in the neighborhood.
Wesley: You live fifteen miles away.
Cordelia: Well, you know LA, it's all one really big neighborhood.
Wesley: I see. Come to find your destiny, have you? And whose going to help you with that?
Cordelia: Shania Twain or Madonna. I haven't decided.
Gunn: Hey, I have a rep to maintain, all right. I can't have you all seeing through my brusque and macho exterior.
Cordelia: Oh, heaven forfend.
Wesley: So...I'll assume it's not Madonna, but what song were you going to sing?
Gunn: You wouldn't know it.
Gunn: If I had to listen to you two, day in, day out, snipe, snipe snipe, bitch, bitch, bitch... I figure ya'll got off easy, 'cause I would have killed you.
Wesley: Well, how is a man supposed to run a business if his employees won't follow directives?
Gunn: Was one of his directives, 'Hire a pansey-ass British guy?'
Wesley: My ass is not pansey!
Cordelia: You, Mr. Big Mojo Guy, are supposed to give us guidance now.
Wesley: She's right. We came, we sang, we fought the urge to regurgitate.
Cordelia: So, spill already... (To Wesley) Not you.
Blood Money
Angel: You avoiding me Merl? I asked you for a favor and you're avoiding me. That's impolite.
Merl: Well, nearly drowning me and leaving me hanging in a sewer ain't exactly Emily Post either.
Wesley: It's the biggest thing you've ever seen.
Gunn: Me and English here, are gettin' stomped, just ducking flames.
Wesley: It hurls me into the outflow drain.
Gunn: Oh, and then you come crawling back stinking, screaming curses. The mouth on this boy.
Wesley: And Gunn hits him from behind, yelling, 'Look at us when we kill you!' And both the heads turn...
Gunn: Then shronk! Wes buries his axe into head number one.
Wesley: And Gunn, is running him through, pulling out intestines the size of your leg!
Gunn: We turned him inside out!
Wesley: Ah ha!
Cordelia: You weren't scared?
Wesley: Oh Mother in heaven.
Gunn: Pants wetting, praise the Lord to save you kinda scared, all right.
Woman: Serena, I have to know. This thing with making your character gay, is that like... all about ratings, 'cause I don't get it.
Lilah: So, what if this guys actually as good as he says and actually kills Angel.
Lindsey: Boo Hoo, let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand.
Lilah: Hey Napoleon, we're co-Vice-Presidents.
Boone: You Merl?
Merl: Ah, Merl? Merl who? My name's Ed, ah... Silverman.
Nathan: I like to think of my job as underlining the 'Heart' in Wolfram and Hart.
Angel: You screw with me and you screw with me, and... you screw with me. And now, I get to screw with you.
Lilah: Ah.
Angel: That's gonna be great!
Lilah: Angel, please...
Angel: No, no, no. The begging... that comes later.
Wesley: You think I don't have what it takes.
Gunn: I know you don't have what it takes.
Wesley: I guess we'll just have to find out.
Gunn: Go English, make your move, 'cause it'll be your last. (Wes rolls dice) Now I rule Europe, Australia and South America!
Gunn: Right, I'll tell you the first thing we're scrapping, these stupid calling cards.
Cordelia: They are not stupid. I designed them. That's an angel.
Wesley: The universal symbol for the one thing we don't have.
Gunn: That's an angel? Looks like a lobster with a growth, or ... Well, make our own logo!
Wesley: Yes, something sleek but edgy.
Gunn: Somethin' that says, you need help, we're there.
Wesley: Exactly! 'Danger is our business. We'll catch you when you fall.'
Cordelia: Oh. (Cordy falls)
Gunn: Oh, I like that.
Cordelia: Guys?
Anne: Hey, guy I ran over.
Angel: Hey, girl who ran over me.
Anne: What's the matter, doesn't fit you anymore?
Angel: Cuts me across the bust. A friend left her clothes at my place. I won't be seeing her anytime soon so I figured…
Anne: Ex-girlfriend?
Angel: God no!
Gunn: So, it's big.
Wesley: Big.
Gunn: And fire-breathing.
Wesley: Breathing.
Gunn: Big, two-headed, fire-brea...
Wesley: I think we all have the picture Gunn. He's not a Teddy bear and probably shouldn't be attending the Kenyard School for girls.
Gunn: You know, right about now, I wouldn't mind having...
Wesley: Don't say it! We don't have him and it's not going to do any good wishing we did.
Gunn: I was gonna say some dynamite.
Wesley: Oh, dynamite. Maybe it's not too late to go back and... (Roar) Oh God.
Gunn: Tunnel's twenty feet tall. He was crouchin!'
Wesley: Ugh, well, we'll take another look, and then we'll...
Gunn: Die!
Wesley: Wait, wait, wait. Wait till his back is turned. Now!
Gunn: I thought she said he breathed fire!
Happy Anniversary
Gunn: Okay, everyone parked within ten blocks has a flyer on their windshield. We just slightly irritated almost a hundred people.
Gunn: I'm so glad I met you guys. It's entertaining, really.
The Host: But, when he started singing, man he knocked me out.
Angel: He was good?
The Host: No, Angelface, he knocked me out!
The Host: So, what we should do is start with the other Karaoke bars, see if we can get a lead on him. That is, if you're not too busy killing lawyers and setting girls on fire.
Angel: Seventeen Karaoke bars. You know I need to lie down and scrub out the inside of my head.
The Host: Oh, this whole sourpussy mode of yours, it's startin' to grate. You know what your problem is? Are you listening?
Angel: Do I have a choice?
The Host: Your heart isn't in it anymore.
Angel: I don't have a pulse, so technically I don't have a heart.
The Host: Technically, someone puts a stake through it, you don't have anything any more. So, Bubba, your heart counts.
Angel: You know what my problem is, I'm screwed, that's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash; I never can. Never gonna be enough. Now I got Wolfram and Hart doggin' me, it's too much. Two hundred highly intelligent law school graduates workin' full time, drivin' me crazy. Why the hell is everyone so surprised that it's working? But no, it's.. Angel? Why are you cranky? Angel, you should lighten up, you should smile. You should wear a nice plaid.
The Host: Ohh, not this season, honey.
Angel: Redemption. Darla had a shot at redemption and they took it from her. Now, I have to hunt her down and kill her. And I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kill her, and then I'm going to burn that law firm to the ground. My crew, they couldn't handle that. That's good, means they're still human. It means they're better off being fired.
The Host: Kinda left 'em in the cold.
Angel: It's a lot colder in here.
The Host: You're connecting to a human. It's a start, only I'd go easy on the bone and ash metaphors for a while.
Angel: Well, the guy's a disaster at love, and he nearly destroyed the world. I can relate.
Client: Which one of you is Angel?
Wesley: It's just a name.
Val: Look, I like the theory of freezing time as much as the next Star Trek nerd...
Gene: Sorry about the clutter.
Denise: It wouldn't be you without it.
Val: Oh my God. You're going to give him the sympathy bone, aren't you? It's going to be dinner, sympathy bone and Adios Gene. I'm totally right here, aren't I?
Val: The post sympathy bone walk out is your only escape hatch now.
Angel: What I hear, and maybe, hopefully, I'm still dreaming, is The Star Spangled Banner being belted out by a loud, green demon.
The Host: We're all brothers under the skin, mi amigo. Although the garden hue and the horns have kept me out of some key public performances. Just once I'd like to ring in a Lakers game with our National Anthem. Is that too much to ask?
The Host: Don't feel the need to offer your guest a frothy cappuccino or a hot cinnamon roll.
Angel: I don't.
The Host: Man, you just get darker and darker. And, the weird thing is... your aura, beige.
The Host: I don't know why you fired those three plucky kids. They were good company. Not to mention Cordelia, hooo, hot-o-rama in the 'Oh my sizzlin' loins' sense of the word, if you know what I mean? And the British boy, he's gonna be playing a huge... well.
Angel: Are you going to get to the world ending or you just going to chat until it does?
Angel: Can you just get to the point, already?
The Host: Yes I can, if you'll let me get in a word edgewise, 'Mr. Get to the pointy-pants.'
Virginia: You guys must be so excited, in that really dry suicidal way.
Virginia: Imported chips and packets of cheese.
Gunn: Thanks.
Wesley: We'll enjoy them huddled 'round our pathetic candles.
Cordelia: We'll make pathetic nachos.
Angel: Where'd you learn how to drive?
The Host: Just now, in your car. Not bad for a beginner, huh?
Angel: You nearly got us killed four times.
The Host: Someone had to drive. You weren't exactly qualified huddled under the blanket in the back, hiding from the sun.
Angel: Let's see if we can't find your litte madman, bent on destroying the universe.
The Host: I like to think of him as our little madman. That's just me, a team player, you know.
Mike: What's that?
Angel: Don't worry, it's just the new school mascot.
Mike: For the Buccaneers?
The Host: Not your school silly.
The Host: So, there's another gear after that number two thingie? Ah, relax, I'll pay for a tune up. Unless the world ends and then I'm off the hook.
The Thin Dead Line
Wesley: Quiet may be good for mankind, but bad for business.
Angel: Why the rush to relocate?
Merl: Well, let's see, there's um... you, and there's every other crook and monstro in this town thinks they can just waltz in here and pound me until they get information, without paying either. I mean at least that British guy understood what a working relationship was, had some respect. You don't care about anyone but yourself.
Angel: I really don't think you're in a position to judge...
Merl: How is old Wesley, huh? Or the other two you fired. They do all right? Oh, gee, let me guess. I bet you never even bothered to check.
Gunn: All right, look, the plan is simple. I want you to roll the camcorder, wait for the cops to hassle us.
Anne: How do you know they will?
Gunn: 'Cause we'll be the ones walkin' while black.
Cordelia: What are you doing here?
Angel: I heard about Wesley.
Wesley: Well, that's great. Too bad it takes a gunshot wound to make you give a crap. Wesley doesn't need you right now. We don't need you. You walked away, do us a favor and just stay away.
Rodell: Am-bu-lance ain't gonna come down here.
Paramedic: He's goin' south.
Angel: How are you controlling them? The entrails?
Anne: I'm very sorry, but I really don't have any free beds.
Jackson: You don't have to worry bout me. I'm sure I can find someone willing to share.
Cordelia: Maybe we can buy one of those star maps, find out where Steven Seagal lives. You tellin' me he got to be a movie star without a little demonic assistance?
Angel: Hey Merl.
Merl: Jesus man! I mean, can't you, you know, knock?
Angel: You don't make that funny expression when I knock. Or, if you do, I don't see it.
Gunn: So, uh, what brings you to this neck of the woods?
Anne: Oh, I just thought I'd see how the other half lives and strangely enough, it's not that different.
Gunn: Come on.
Cordelia: We like to think of it as early American Dilapidation.
Gunn: Oh it's cool, it's cool, they know what's what.
Cordelia: What?
Cordelia: One of Wesley's wealthy acquaintances got bit by a demon.
Anne: Are they okay?
Wesley: Oh, for the most part.
Cordelia: Except for, she grew another eye, in the back of her head.
Anne: Wow, that sounds... handy.
Gunn: We were planning on changing it to the 'Gunn Agency.'
Wesley & Cordelia: No we're not!
Gunn: As soon as these two narcissists come to their senses.
Wesley: You couldn't stop him?
Cordelia: Hello, Gunn, stubborn, synonyms.
Cordelia: Hey, Gunn graduated with a major in dumb planning from Angel University and sat at the feet of the master, and learned well, how to plan dumbly.
Wesley: We're just going to have to let him do this.
Cordelia: Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine.
Wesley: He wants our help, he knows where to call us.
Cordelia: We'll work our gig, Gunn can work his.
Wesley: Right, let's get down there and save him from himself.
Cordelia: It's not like that third eye is going anywhere.
Anne: How are your laundry folding skills?
Cordelia: I'm an actress, I can fake it.
Cordelia: Hey! That's my... ugh sorry. I have a shirt just like that. The girl at the store said it was one of a kind. Big fibber.
Gunn: How you doin?
Wesley: Oh, I have a feeling I should be in a great deal of pain.
Gunn: Gettin' gut-shot like that'll do it to you.
Wesley: And yet... Is this morphine Well, it's bloody lovely.
Reprise
Worshiper: Hey, that's our pre-blessed ceremonial dagger.
Angel: I'm just the type of guy who hates to see good blood go to waste!
Cordelia: Scam! The back of your kid's head was blinking!
Francine: This is ridiculous.
Cordelia: What do you mean? We didn't even charge you for the mandrake.
Francine: My husband says it's outrageous.
Wesley: Does he? And, just what would your husband consider a fair price for the removal of the third eye from the back of your child's head, Mrs. Sharp?
Wesley: Clearly, it's easier for the Sharp's to cast us as con artists, rather than accept the grim reality that Skilosh spawn nearly hatched full grown, out of their child's skull.
Lindsey: I'm gonna take a shower.
Darla: You always take a shower when you come back from that place. Don't know why, you're never dirty.
Lindsey: I'm always dirty.
Angel: I need more.
The Host: We all need more, darlin'.
Angel: More information.
The Host: What you need more of, is tether, 'cause you're about at the end of yours.
Angel: You're...
Holland: Holland Manners.
Angel: Not alive.
Holland: Oh no, I'm quite dead. Unfortunately, my contract with Wolfram and Hart extends well beyond that.
Holland: See, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there, why they wouldn't be people, they'd all be angels.
Darla: Don't play games with me.
Angel: I'm not playing, I just want to feel something besides the cold.
Angel: You know, I've, well, really, couldn't help but notice the goats. Yeah, a lot of goats. Goats, many. Those are some goats, guys.
Lou: I'm just glad your father's not around to see this.
Angel: Don't make me move you.
Wesley: Give him the book, Cordelia. Just give him the damn thing, let him get the hell out.
Cordelia: Here! I don't even know what you are anymore.
Angel: I'm a vampire, look it up.
Lilah: Stake the bitch!
Angel: In the larger sense, I really don't give a crap.
Holland: Now, I don't think that's true. Be honest. You've got the tiniest bit of 'give a crap' left.
Wesley: Things will pick up, they're bound to.
Cordelia: Yeah, it's LA. The evils probably just tied up in traffic or something.
Gunn: Well, you'll let me know when it gets here, right?
Lilah: I dug up everything I could find on the last seventy-five year review. It's all in there. Makes the Christmas purge of '68 look like fun old times. Nearly half of mid-management was sacked. And Lindsey, they used real sacks.
Lilah: I heard, Henderson actually pulled her first born out of company day care and offered it up too. Brown-noser! My mother was right, I should've had children.
Angel: Blood sacrifices, black masses, totems... I don't know what it means, but it's happening all over town. I mean it could be a raising. But you know, I-I-I I don't know. I mean, the prayers, the rituals... they're to generic for that. Boiler plate. You know, they could be preparing the way for something.
Kate: And maybe they're just trying to make it rain.
The Host: Can you believe this? Not even ten o'clock and we've already run out of Yak's bile.
The Host: Now Angelcakes, you wouldn't appreciate it if I were to blab your personal stuff to every Tom, Dick and vampire that walked in the door, would you?
Angel: Is it bad?
The Host: Oy! I really can't divulge to you what I read in another being, but I can tell you what I overheard in the men's restroom.
The Host: I think the general angst is not so much about the review, but more about the reviewer. And, let's just say it ain't Rex Reed.
Angel: What is it?
The Host: It's evil... it's dark... it's merciless. Actually, now that I say it out loud, it sounds an awful lot like Rex, doesn't it?
The Host: Almost anything that can manifest, in order to move in this dimension, can be killed. Kinda the down side to bein' here. That, and the so called musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Wesley: Excuse me, that... that area is for employees only.
Angel: Yeah, you took all the books.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, you got the waffle iron!
Cordelia: What a jerk!
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: I mean, if it was anybody else, I'd just say, get laid already.
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: But no, not him. One decent Boff and he switches to evil psycho-vamp, which in a way would be better for everyone. Better for him, 'cause he'd get some, and better for us 'cause then we could stake him afterwards.
Wesley: Cordelia... ambulance.
Denver: To kill the Kleynach and get the ring, you need the glove.
Angel: Okay, now you're making this up.
Darla: That's right Angelus, go toward the bleeding mortal, cause that's smart.
Wesley: Well, I stood up to him, that's the important thing.
Virginia: But you couldn't have done it metaphorically, you know, with a stern word? You had to do it in the, 'I'm actually standing up now, and popping six stitches' way?
Lilah: You two stay close... Crap! I knew you guys were a waste of money.
Angel: I noticed you're not parking in the underground lot any more, Lilah.
Lilah: It's not safe.
Cordelia: Good evening. Anglmnop, Investigations. We help the helpless. How can we help you?
Wesley: What in God's name is Angl..mnop?
Cordelia: There are some names I'm not saying at the moment.
Wesley: You should get out yourself. You're young, single, it's a Friday night in the city of... anglmno.
Cordelia: Oh jeez, Wesley. Zippity-doo-dah, all right.
Reprise
Worshiper: Hey, that's our pre-blessed ceremonial dagger.
Angel: I'm just the type of guy who hates to see good blood go to waste!
Cordelia: Scam! The back of your kid's head was blinking!
Francine: This is ridiculous.
Cordelia: What do you mean? We didn't even charge you for the mandrake.
Francine: My husband says it's outrageous.
Wesley: Does he? And, just what would your husband consider a fair price for the removal of the third eye from the back of your child's head, Mrs. Sharp?
Wesley: Clearly, it's easier for the Sharp's to cast us as con artists, rather than accept the grim reality that Skilosh spawn nearly hatched full grown, out of their child's skull.
Lindsey: I'm gonna take a shower.
Darla: You always take a shower when you come back from that place. Don't know why, you're never dirty.
Lindsey: I'm always dirty.
Angel: I need more.
The Host: We all need more, darlin'.
Angel: More information.
The Host: What you need more of, is tether, 'cause you're about at the end of yours.
Angel: You're...
Holland: Holland Manners.
Angel: Not alive.
Holland: Oh no, I'm quite dead. Unfortunately, my contract with Wolfram and Hart extends well beyond that.
Holland: See, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there, why they wouldn't be people, they'd all be angels.
Darla: Don't play games with me.
Angel: I'm not playing, I just want to feel something besides the cold.
Angel: You know, I've, well, really, couldn't help but notice the goats. Yeah, a lot of goats. Goats, many. Those are some goats, guys.
Lou: I'm just glad your father's not around to see this.
Angel: Don't make me move you.
Wesley: Give him the book, Cordelia. Just give him the damn thing, let him get the hell out.
Cordelia: Here! I don't even know what you are anymore.
Angel: I'm a vampire, look it up.
Lilah: Stake the bitch!
Angel: In the larger sense, I really don't give a crap.
Holland: Now, I don't think that's true. Be honest. You've got the tiniest bit of 'give a crap' left.
Wesley: Things will pick up, they're bound to.
Cordelia: Yeah, it's LA. The evils probably just tied up in traffic or something.
Gunn: Well, you'll let me know when it gets here, right?
Lilah: I dug up everything I could find on the last seventy-five year review. It's all in there. Makes the Christmas purge of '68 look like fun old times. Nearly half of mid-management was sacked. And Lindsey, they used real sacks.
Lilah: I heard, Henderson actually pulled her first born out of company day care and offered it up too. Brown-noser! My mother was right, I should've had children.
Angel: Blood sacrifices, black masses, totems... I don't know what it means, but it's happening all over town. I mean it could be a raising. But you know, I-I-I I don't know. I mean, the prayers, the rituals... they're to generic for that. Boiler plate. You know, they could be preparing the way for something.
Kate: And maybe they're just trying to make it rain.
The Host: Can you believe this? Not even ten o'clock and we've already run out of Yak's bile.
The Host: Now Angelcakes, you wouldn't appreciate it if I were to blab your personal stuff to every Tom, Dick and vampire that walked in the door, would you?
Angel: Is it bad?
The Host: Oy! I really can't divulge to you what I read in another being, but I can tell you what I overheard in the men's restroom.
The Host: I think the general angst is not so much about the review, but more about the reviewer. And, let's just say it ain't Rex Reed.
Angel: What is it?
The Host: It's evil... it's dark... it's merciless. Actually, now that I say it out loud, it sounds an awful lot like Rex, doesn't it?
The Host: Almost anything that can manifest, in order to move in this dimension, can be killed. Kinda the down side to bein' here. That, and the so called musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Wesley: Excuse me, that... that area is for employees only.
Angel: Yeah, you took all the books.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, you got the waffle iron!
Cordelia: What a jerk!
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: I mean, if it was anybody else, I'd just say, get laid already.
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: But no, not him. One decent Boff and he switches to evil psycho-vamp, which in a way would be better for everyone. Better for him, 'cause he'd get some, and better for us 'cause then we could stake him afterwards.
Wesley: Cordelia... ambulance.
Denver: To kill the Kleynach and get the ring, you need the glove.
Angel: Okay, now you're making this up.
Darla: That's right Angelus, go toward the bleeding mortal, cause that's smart.
Wesley: Well, I stood up to him, that's the important thing.
Virginia: But you couldn't have done it metaphorically, you know, with a stern word? You had to do it in the, 'I'm actually standing up now, and popping six stitches' way?
Lilah: You two stay close... Crap! I knew you guys were a waste of money.
Angel: I noticed you're not parking in the underground lot any more, Lilah.
Lilah: It's not safe.
Cordelia: Good evening. Anglmnop, Investigations. We help the helpless. How can we help you?
Wesley: What in God's name is Angl..mnop?
Cordelia: There are some names I'm not saying at the moment.
Wesley: You should get out yourself. You're young, single, it's a Friday night in the city of... anglmno.
Cordelia: Oh jeez, Wesley. Zippity-doo-dah, all right.
Epiphany
Angel: It was perfect Darla. It was perfect despair and you were the reason, you've always been the reason. You were the thing that made me what I am. I thought that... if I could save you... then somehow, I could save myself. But, I was wrong and when I failed...
Darla: Stop it.
Angel: When I failed, you saved me. I have to thank you for that. You did me a favor tonight, now I'm going to do one for you. Get dressed and get out because the next time I see you, I will have to kill you.
The Host: Isn't this the sort of 'tude that got you where you are now? I think I'm speaking for everyone when I say... if all you're gonna do is switch back to brood mode, we'd rather have you evil, then at least, ... leather pants.
The Host: It's called a moment of clarity, my lamb, and you've just had one.
Angel: So, we are talking about the same Cordelia Chase, right?
Wesley: That's correct.
Angel: Knowing her...
Wesley: But you don't. You don't know her at all. For months now, you haven't cared to. Otherwise, you might have realized that our Cordelia has become a very solitary girl. She's not the vain, carefree creature she once was. Well, certainly not carefree. It's the visions, you see. Visions that were meant to guide you. You could turn away from them, she doesn't have that luxury. She knows and experiences the pain in this city and because of who she is, she feels compelled to do something about it. Its left her little time for anything else. You'd have known that, if you hadn't had your head firmly up your... place that isn't on top of your neck.
Kate: I'm very grateful. I never thought you'd come for me, but... I got cut a huge break and I believe... I don't know what I believe, but I have faith. I think maybe we're not alone in this.
Angel: Why?
Kate: Because I never invited youin.
Cordelia: I'm guessing, 'Hey, look behind you,' really not gonna work is it?
The Host: Jeez, keep your pants on. Well, I can see we're a little late with that advice.
The Host: You think you're the first guy who ever rolled over, saw what was lying next to him and went, "Gueeeeyah!"
Darla: You still have a soul. But we...
Angel: Yeah.
Darla: And you...
Angel: I know.
Darla: Then I.
Angel: Three times.
Darla: You're not evil. I-I don't understand. Was I... was it... not good? Well, I don't accept that. You cannot tell me that wasn't perfect. Not only have I been around for 400 years, but I used to do this professionally, and that was perfect. We'll go again!
Angel: No No No.
Gunn: So, you had an epiphany, did you?
Angel: Yeah.
Gunn: So, what? You just wake up and bang?
Angel: It was sort of the other way around.
Angel: Probably should have killed her.
The Host: Eh, kill her, give her cab fare, whatever. The point is, you've turned a corner. Well, yay you. Zuzu's petals, it's about time. Between you and me, if it had taken you much longer to hit your bottom, I was gonna kick it.
Wesley: Yes. No. Absolutely. I invite you in. In, I invite you.
Angel: Actually, it's kind of funny. I-I recently got a, ah, gut wound myself. Not-Not a gun shot like you got there, but uh, it uh,.. It's kind of a ... antique... sword... is what it was. Went deep. Yes it did. Hey, guess who stabbed me?
Wesley: Darla.
Angel: Yeah. Actually kind of a funny story. I mean, the whole reason I had this epiphany was... All right, so why don't you tell me about these Skilosh demons?
Cordelia: Listen, I've been impregnated by demon spawn before. Let's just say, didn't really work out.
Gunn: C'mon English, you know you're my man!
Angel: So, ah... I see you guys have bonded.
Gunn: It happens when you fight shoulder to shoulder.
Wesley: Or rather hip to shoulder these days.
Gunn: This man took a bullit for me.
Wesley: Ah, it was nothing.
Gunn: So, what's he doin' here?
Angel: Went and saw The Host at Caritas, said my friends were in danger.
Gunn: So, what's he doin' here?
Wesley: He had an epiphany.
Gunn: Ahhh.
Gunn: Where's Cordy?
Wesley: We don't know, not here.
Gunn: You checked her pad?
Angel: I stopped by there earlier.
Gunn: You enjoyin' your visit to 1973? I meant her message pad.
Angel: Oh, right, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah. Ah, here use this, you can make a rubbing of the impressions she left. See what the last thing was that she wrote.
Gunn: Or, we could just read the carbon.
Angel: Or, you could just do that.
Angel: Guys, guys. D-D-Does it make sense that she would go there in the middle of the night without calling either of you?
Gunn & Wes: They owe us money.
Angel: Let's go.
Kate: Yikes, it sounds like you've had an epiphany.
Angel: I keep saying that but nobody's listening.
Disharmony
Wesley: ...Engage your co-workers from time to time. Be sensitive to their feelings, their opinions. Especially before you take some action one might construe as, oh, let's just call it: insane? Goes a long way to show you respect and appreciate them. This is torture for you, isn't it?
Angel: Yes.
Wesley: Good. I think that's all for now
Wesley: And I'd love a cup of coffee.
Angel: Very funny.
Cordelia: Two sugars in mine.
Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch.
Angel: Uh--
Cordelia: Don't.
Angel: Don't--?
Cordelia: You're gonna start trying to make small talk. Get all stammery. Don't. You might strain something.
Cordelia: Okay, you wanna know how I am? Tired, mostly. With "sweaty" running a close second. But, truthfully, I'm also jazzed. Can't wait to get our business up and sputtering again. Ready to help those helpless... But, just so we understand each other...You and I? We're not friends.
Cordelia: Whoa. Big bird.
Gunn: Bigbird?
Cordelia: Not the Muppet, dumbass...
Gunn: Cordelia said blue robes, didn't she?
Wesley: It's dark. Perhaps she was mistaken.
Angel: Hey, I think we should give her the benefit of the doubt before just condemning her like that, don't you?
Angel: I just thought... Well, she looked so tired. And that vision really took a lot out of her. And... You think maybe I should send her something? Flowers, maybe?
Wesley: Flowers?
Angel: Yeah. You know, to say "thanks." And "sorry about the migraines." You know... "I appreciate you."
Wesley: Yes, by all means. And while you're at it, pick me up one of those "SORRY YOU WERE SHOT IN THE GUT" bouquets!
Wesley: You can't buy back her trust, Angel. Or her affections.
Angel: She said... She said we're not friends, Wesley.
Willow: We are all clear on the fact that Harmony's a vampire, right?
Cordelia: Ohhh! Harmony's a vampire! That's why she-- Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. All this time I thought she'd become a great big lesbo...Oh, really?... Hey, that's... great. Good for you. That's, yeah... It's good.
Willow: Thanks for the affirmation, Cordelia.
Angel: Wes. You can't. Cordelia feels her friend doesn't post a threat. I think we should respect her wishes…I'm just saying...
Cordelia: Hey. I told you. Harmony's my friend. I trust her completely and with every fiber of my being. Harmony, you can stay here.
Harmony: I don't wanna stay here alone with a ghost.
Harmony: I mean, how do you stand everything? Being what you are. How can you deprive yourself of the taste... the sensation of rich, warm, human blood flowing into your mouth... Bathing your tongue... caressing your throat, with its sweet, sticky--
Gunn: I'm back!
Angel: Me too!
Wesley: It's all right to speak freely in front of her. She's a vampire.
Gunn: Don't we kill them anymore?
Cordelia: What do you think?
Host: I think your friend should reconsider the name "Harmony."
Gunn: Just so we're on the same page, when we find this vampire cult, we are gonna kill 'em, right?
Wesley: Angel...
Angel: It's your place to tell her.
Wesley: She's not listening to me.
Angel: Welcome to my world.
Angel: She doesn't have a soul.
Cordelia: Oh. That's it, isn't it? You're better than her because you have a soul.
Angel: Well... yeah.
Cordelia: And you didn't just betray me, Angel. You didn't just hurt me... You gave away my clothes!
Angel: To the needy...
Cordelia: I am the needy. Do you know how scared I was you were on your way to becoming Angelus again? Imagine what could've happened it you'd gone nuts and slept with Darla.
Angel: You know I would never do that.
Cordelia: Oh, my god! These are gorgeous! You have the most amazing taste! You have, like, a gay man's taste! And that's saying something. I love them so much!
Dead End
Nathan: I'll consider both options. And the current status of Angel?
Lindsey: Angel? - He's up, he's down. - He's good, he's bad. He's a barrel of dead monkeys...
Wesley: Go ahead. Probably best not to crowd her.
Angel: Me? You're the one in charge now.
Wesley: You're right. That's why I'm assigning this one to you.
Cordelia: You don't eat food.
Angel: Oh, I can. It doesn't keep me alive, but, you know, sometimes I get a hankering.
Cordelia: Soup and salad, too? What is going on here?
Angel: I forgot what you liked.
Cordelia: Why didn't you ask me?
Angel: Well, you said, why is everyone asking you if they can get you anything, and-and I didn't wanna do that...
Cordelia: So you did this - instead.
Angel: Yup.
Cordelia: I love you.
Cordelia: And you ought to do that more often.
Angel: Buy you food?
Cordelia: Smile.
Angel: There is only we can do now.
Cordelia: Oh, god. Oh, no.
Wesley: The Karaoke bar.
Gunn: Angel's gonna sing?
Cordelia: Isn't there some other way?
Wesley: There has to be. Think, damn it!
Angel: Hey!
Cordelia: You should pick something short.
Angel: I was thinking about Stairway to Heaven.
Wesley: Don't even joke about that.
Angel: What is that? Rock? Country? Ballad? Pick a style, pal.
Wesley: Shh.
Host: Angel cakes. Don't make me ask you to leave.
Lindsey: Look. I need help.
Angel: I'll say. You might want to start with his singing.
Cordelia: Hi. You probably don't remember me. Cordelia. I know you're evil - and everything, but that was just so amazing.
Gunn: That was kind of tight.
Wesley: Terrific, really.
Angel: Is everyone drunk?
Host: Two enemies, one case, all come together in a beautiful buddy-movie kind of way.
Gunn: They supposed to work together on this?
Lindsey: Work with him? Work with him?
Host: Am I the only one who saw 'Forty-eight Hours?'
Angel: You know, when I was in charge here, nobody questioned my methods or my singing.
Cordelia: You're half right.
Angel: Alright. I hired a private detective. He's got a friend on the force.
Wesley: We're supposed to be the private detectives.
Gunn: We are supposed to have a friend on the force.
Angel: We did, but she got fired. Get over it.
Lindsey: What are you doing here?!
Angel: Gee, I don't know, saving your life?
Lindsey: You got no business..! What-why aren't you trying to kill me?!
Angel: Excuse me. I'm on a case here, Lindsey. Does everything always have to be about killing you all the time?
Lindsey: That's my lead! You're choking my lead!
Angel: 'He's my lead! He's my lead!' What, are we on the schoolyard here? Look, if you wanna get to the bottom of this, you got to learn how to play with others.
Angel: The guy who's hand you're wearing. You might want to listen up.
Lindsey: You don't tell me what to do.
Angel: He's so immature.
Angel: Kill you? - Why would I kill you (morphs into vamp-face) when I could live off you for a month?
Angel: Hmm, can't you just taste that butter fat?
Lindsey: You are really gross, you know that?
Angel: You just keep on moping. You're good at that.
Lindsey: I've got these evil hand.
Angel: Good. I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here
Belonging
Cordelia: I feel a little guilty.
Angel: Don't. Nineteen dollars for a sashimi couscous appetizer is money well spent. This is your night. How is it anyway, pretty good? It oughta be pretty good...
Cordelia: It's delicious, but that's not what I feel guilty about.
Angel: Oh. I'm not cheap, I'm just old: I remember when a few bob got you a meal, a bottle and a tavern wench. You were saying?
Cordelia: Move! I think the sashimi's coming up.
Angel: They'll take that off the bill, right?
Cordelia: What are you doing here?
Angel: Getting a tan... not bursting into flames.
Angel: You want me to rip that guy's head off for you? 'Cause I could, you know. Really. I mean, actually rip his head right off his body. I can do that.
Angel: Mr. "Hey, I'm L.A. Director Shooting a Commercial, So I Must Be The Center Of The Universe" Guy. Like anyone who isn't making it in show business is just a step or ten down the food chain. I mean, hey, all we do is save the world, right? And the way he talks to Cordy, it's like she's a commodity, like she's his slave or something. And you know what the worst part is? She just took it. When was the last time Cordy took crap from any of us?
Gunn: Never and the day after never.
Angel: Exactly, plus, he's got her wearing this ridiculously flimsy swimsuit that covers... like nothing.
Angel: Not the Haklar. The Power Walkers. I mean, walking I get. But power walking? Why not just run for a shorter time? Weird.
Host: Landok? Is that you?
Angel: You know him?
Host: Just because I know his name doesn't mean you can't knock him unconscious. Please, continue.
Host: I prefer just "Lorne".
Angel: Lorne? As in... just... Lorne?
Host: Yes, Lorne. If you must. Though I generally don't go by that, because well-- Green.
Cordelia: Hunh?
Angel: Right. Lorne Greene. Come on. "Bonanza?" 15 years on the air not meaning anything here? Okay, now I feel old.
Landok: Then killing the Drokken will be most difficult. It is impervious to most wounds.
Angel: What if we chopped its head off?
Wesley: Or ran it through with a sword?
Angel: Or electrocuted him with, like a 50,000 volt charge?
Cordelia: Yeah, we've had a lot of luck with those things in the past.
Landok: The Drokken goes this way. The aura is strong. It's not far.
Host: What do you want? A medal?
Host: For the last time... not a coward. I just saw both sides of the joust. How are you supposed to joust someone when you partially agree with their point of view?
Angel: Where did the portal appear before?
Host: Right there. Talk about upstaging me
Over the Rainbow
Cordelia: Angel?…Wesley!…Mr. Green Mojo Guy's cousin?
Host: God, I wish I could get drunk.
Angel: I don't wanna research, all right? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia.
Wesley: We might never be able to get back!
Angel: It's Cordy.
Angel: What, is it out of batteries. Is the thing out of batteries?
Host: I don't know. I don't know how it works!
Angel: Dammit! I just got her back.
Wesley: It's cold.
Angel: What? Put on a sweater.
Wesley: No, no, the hot spot is cold.
Wesley: The hot spot is cold. That's why you couldn't open the second portal.
Angel: Huh. I was right. It was the batteries.
Host: Remember when I said I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, never gonna leave? Exactly which "never" did you not understand?
Aggie: Sometimes the journey is taken simply because it must be taken. That vague enough for ya?
Host: Is that what I sound like? Eeesh. No wonder people complain.
Wesley: I suppose I could try a binding spell of some kind, something to fuse us together when we enter the portal.
Angel: Good. Let's do that.
Wesley: However, we could emerge on the other side as a freakishly hybridized Siamese twin.
Angel: What, we handcuff ourselves together? Who do we know that has handcuffs?
Wesley: Well, I--wouldn't know, but anyway, I don't think handcuffs will work.
Angel: Lawyers. Don't you people sleep during the day?
Angel: I wanna go. Bad. Just waitin' for Wes to have that "eureka" moment.
Wesley: EUREKA!
Angel: Oh, thank God.
Host: You mean he actually says "eureka"?
Angel: Here? Isn't this a movie studio?
Host: Makes a certain kinda sense, no?
Angel: The sun! Daylight! Quick, somebody hand me a blanket -- hand me a blanket or I'll catch on fire! Why am I not on fire?
Angel: And I'm not on fire.
Wesley: And we're all together, too. We didn't even merge into a freakish four-man Siamese twin!
Gunn: That was a risk? How come nobody told me that was a risk?
Angel: Can everybody just notice how much fire I'm not on?
Angel: Let's start gathering branches, brush, anything that'll cover the car. Hey, look, there's some over in that patch of sun. I'll get 'em.
Angel: No problem here. Walkin' in the sun. Do it all the time.
Wesley: Yes, we're all heartily aware that you're not on fire.
Host: Just remember, keep your heads down. Xenophobia kind of a watchword where I'm from.
Gunn: I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I think she's kinda fly.
Wesley: Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners.
Gunn: Oh. Then can we pretend I didn't just say that?
Wesley: I used to be horrified by those stories about the Tower of London.
Angel: Wasn't that bad.
Host: Oh, am I glad to see you. And so much less dead than I expected.
Angel: What'd they do to you?
Host: Well, first there was the welcome home parade thrown in my honor--tickertape, streamers -- honestly, I was so touched, I almost wept. Locked me in a room, pushed me around, asked a bunch of questions--your standard film noir
Through the Looking Glass
Cordelia: Well, it's not like my throne couldn't use a few extra cushions, but I'm not really gonna complain because, well -- throne.
Host: See there? She had a vision. That explains it. Well, see, there's this prophecy...
Angel: A prophecy. Great. Because those always go well...
Cordelia: In kind of a hurry to get back to the Cordelia's-not-a-princess-dimension, aren'tcha?
Angel: Okay. This is because of going through the portal, right?
Cordelia: Huh? No. It always looks like that.
Angel: No, I mean why didn't anyone tell me?
Cordelia: What? It looks good.
Angel: You're not just saying that?
Host: Ho, ho, ho! Back up! You want me to talk to my family? On purpose?
Wesley: It's that, or face the possibility of never getting back to our dimension.
Host: Come on, gorgeous. You can stare at yourself in my grandmother's glass eye. Oh, and while we're here, it's just "Lorne," okay? To the people of Pylea, a "host" is just one more thing to lay your eggs in.
Angel: Yeah, yeah, fine. Can we get my coat?
Angel: ... and then, WHACK! I chopped off the evil lawyer beast's hand and he screamed and screamed, and then I left.
Host: Well! You're a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren'tcha?
Cordelia: If you ever figure out how to get us out of here, I want you to find me a dimension where some demon doesn't want to impregnate me with its spawn! I mean, is that just too much to ask?
Cordelia: What is it about me, anyway? Do I put out some kind of Com-Shuk-me vibe? You'd tell me, right?
Angel: Oh, Cordelia! No, she's fine. They made her a princess.
Fred: They -- Really? Oh. When I got here they, they... didn't do that. Made me more of a, of a slave, really. Well that's... nice for her.
Host: Not as good as you, obviously... Should I call them back? You could borrow the cuffs.
There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb
Cordelia: No, no, I like the filthy head-- that is, I need to defile it more. I will keep it to spit upon and when I tire of that I will make it into a planter -- a traitor planter for all to see! Or maybe a candy dish.
Host: Oh I'm sure it must be, and after all I only LOST MY HEAD! Or, technically, my body.
Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to hell and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
Wesley: Oh.
Fred: I've been trying to make an enchilada out of tree bark...
Angel: Bark enchilada? How's that going?
Fred: There's work to be done.
Fred: They're not words. They're consonant representations of a mathematical transfiguration formula.
Angel: Well obviously...
Rebel: Five cheers for the other-worlders.
Wesley: Oooo, in this world you get five.
Cordelia: Boy that looks a lot like your suit.
Host: It is my suit, you think they have French Viscose in this hell hole? Why am I still alive? Once they chop you up, it's over. I'm looking at pieces of myself, it's over... Wait a minute, since when do I have five toes?
Cordelia: Do you mind if I hit him over the head with you?
Host: Yes.
Wesley: Why do people keep putting me in charge of things?
Gunn: I have no idea.
Angel: I don't actually know how to get there.
Fred: Oh, I can show you.
Gunn: He's Angel, he does that --how'd she do that?
Angel: She's Fred, she does that, too.
Angel: He was…
Gunn: Yeah…
Wesley: Mmm…
Host: That's it? Where's the praising and extolling of my virtues? Where's the love?
Angel: When I fired you guys, the reason I... the darkness was coming out in me, I didn't want you near it. The thing that comes out here is ten times worse.
Angel: I challenge the Groosalugg to mortal combat. Come out and face me, you spineless coward!
Fred: Ooo, why'd you add that coward thing, that's just gonna piss him off.
Angel: All right, what part of my being all noble here didn't get through?
Cordelia: Stop! Stop the fight! Don't hurt him, I love him, I LOVE HIM!
Angel: You love me?
Cordelia: Not you, dumbass, HIM! I love him!
Angel: Oh.
Angel: But you love me too, right?
Cordelia: Are you all right? Did he hurt you?
Angel: As a friend and co-worker...
Cordelia: What did he do to you? Let's get some bandages over here, people!
Angel: Maybe love is too strong a term.
Host: Good as new -- although I seem to have put on about a hundred and fifty eight pounds.
Angel: Isn't there something you want to say to your mother?
Host: "May you burn in Tarkna?"
Angel: Come on, she's not so bad, she didn't store your body on the maggot heap like you thought she would, did she?
Host: Bye Mom, thanks for storing my body on the lice pile instead of the maggot heap.
Angel: Every family's got its problems.
Mother: Numfar, do the dance of shame!
Angel: Yours more than most.
Host: I had to come back here to find out I didn't have to come back here, I don't belong here, I hate it here. You know where I belong? L.A. You know why? Nobody belongs there, it's the perfect place for guys like us.
Angel: That's kinda beautiful.
Host: Ain't it?
Wesley: Should people be kneeling in a free society?
Cordelia: These things take time.
Angel: Willow?
Cordelia: Hi. What's...
Angel: It's Buffy...
Judgment
Gym Manager: That guy has horns.
Angel: Steroids, not good for you.
Caritas Host: This isn't about your pipes bro. It's about your spirit. I can't read you unless you sing.
Angel: I don't sing.
Cordelia: C'mon, Angel. I wanna hear you sing.
Wesley: It-It would be for a good cause, we might learn something.
Angel: Who's the boss here?
Caritas: I know you're feeling smooth in the groove. Isn't that the thing that comes before a fall?
Angel: There are three things I don't do. Tan, date and sing in public.
Cordelia: You can't see everything. You're just a vampire like everyone else. That didn't come out right.
Angel: I thought I was out of the tunnel.
Cordelia: Sure you did. Because the tunnel is... you know... its something we all... are you talking real tunnel or symbolic, just give me that much.
Angel: I-I saw the light at the end of the tunnel, that someday I might become human. That light was so bright, I thought I was already out.
Cordelia: Yeah. We all got a little cocky, didn't we? It's gonna be a long while before you work your way out. But, I know you well enough to know you will, and I'll be with you until you do.
Angel: What about your inevitable stardom?
Cordelia: I'm not saying I won't have a day job.
Cordelia: That man, would do anything to save a life.
Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow.
Faith: You're kidding?
Angel: In front of people.
Faith: And here I am talking about my petty little problems.
Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective.
Faith: Copacabana?
Angel: Mandy, I don't want to dwell on it.
Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path.
Angel: That it is.
Faith: Think we might make it?
Angel: We might.
Angel: The thing about a gym is that you're not alone. You got people, it encourages you to work out.
Cordelia: You don't have to work out, you're eternal.
Angel: I may not always be.
Cordelia: (To Wes) It was the Vartite monster. It took 2 days to kill that thing. It's got Wolfram & Hart written all over it.
Angel: You got your steam, ya got your sauna, your fresh towels. I mean, how bad can it be.
Cordelia: You shower with a lot of men.
Angel: I'll always be a loner.
Angel: It's sorta my job.
Woman: Your job?
Angel: Yeah, look I got cards... and, and, an office. Well, the office kinda blew up and we're working out of this other apartment in Silverlake... temporarily.
Cordelia: Wesley, you've heard Angel talk about Gunn. He's a great guy, with a really fly street tag.
Wesley: What's he fly?
Cordelia: It's how they know you on the street, Dorko. Gun, it really let's 'em know you mean business.
Gunn: It's my name, two "n's."
Cordelia: Oh Lord, will no one shut me up?
Cordelia: Cat got your tongue, Merl?
Merl: I don't have a tongue.
Cordelia: Oh.
Angel: Where is she?
Caritas Host: My question first, and answer true cause you know, I'll know. Why Mandy?
Angel: Well, I know the words. I kinda think it's pretty.
Caritas Host: And it is, you great big sap! There's not a destroyer of worlds can argue with Mandy, and good for you for fessing up.
Woman: You okay?
Angel: Yeah.
Woman: You sure seem to bleed a lot.
Angel: It's part of the job.
Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been
Angel: It's just blood, Judy. It's all just blood.
Judy: I'm not one thing or the other. I am nothing.
Angel: I know what that's like.
Angel: I know you've got a reputation, that's why I'm here. Now it's been a long time since I opened a vein but I'll do it, you pull more of that Van Helsing Jr. crap with me. Are we clear?
Wesley: This is a house of evil.
Angel: Not any more.
Denver: So, you were what? About my age when you were made?
Angel: I don't know. How old are you?
Denver: Just north of 30.
Angel: NO.
Wesley: Orb of Ramjarin?
Gunn: Orb of Ramjarin please, makes it happen.
Wesley: Please, and do be careful, ancient conjuring orbs are extremely fragile. (Gunn tosses the Orb) ANGEEEEL!
Angel: Guys, don't listen to it, all right? Whatever it's whispering to you, just ignore it.
Cordelia: They were like this all the way over here in the car.
Angel: Oh.
Wesley: Angel, you don't find me especially paranoid do you?
Angel: Not especially.
Wesley: Thank God, I was worried.
Wesley: I've been accused of a great many things in my time but paranoid has never been one of them. Unless people have been saying it behind my back.
Cordelia: Are we finished?
Angel: I think so.
Cordelia: Good. Cause, I for one will be glad to see the last of this place. It gives me the heebie jeebies.
Gunn: No lie. Plus it's kind of got an odor to it, you notice that?
Cordelia: Seventy years of violence, mayhem and paranoia. Bad vibes.
Angel: We're moving in.
Cordelia: A few throw pillows, what's not to love?
First Impressions
Cordelia: Oh, this isn't mere dust, this is 'son of dust.' This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust. I give up.
Wesley: Very well, we'll just move our offices back to your living room.
Cordelia: And I'm dusting.
Gunn: Sleeping, it's 3:30 in the afternoon. I've been up since dawn.
Cordelia: (to Wes) Sort of missing the whole 'creature of the night' angle, isn't he?
Gunn: Thanks for the help, always enhances a guys rep when some skinny white beauty queen comes to his rescue in front of his crew.
Cordelia: Paging Mr. Rationalization.
Gunn: Paging Miss 'about to be thrown out of a moving vehicle.'
Gunn: Mace!?
Cordelia: Squirt, squirt, right in the eyes.
Gunn: You expecting me to be jumped by a couple of purse snatching demons?
Cordelia: Well, It'll just have to do cause I'm your protector, whether you like it or not.
Gunn: Well something better attack me soon cause I know I can't take much more of this.
Gunn: You know, I gotta tell you, you are one high maintenance chick.
Gunn: I ain't buying' none of this Dionne Warwick crap.
Gunn: You two? I find Deevak, I'm going to need more than CP30 and stick figure Barbie backin' me up, no offense.
Wesley: Very little taken.
Cordelia: I am so sick of dust.
Angel: I can't lift my arm all the way.
Gunn: That vamp did a number on my ribs.
Wesley: I'm afraid I threw my back out.
Gunn: I haven't bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed of the Oscar for Malcolm X. Later.
Wesley: That as quite a performance.
Cordelia: I know, talk about wound up too tight.
Wesley: No, I mean Denzel.
Cordelia: Oh, well he's always great.
Wesley: What about you?
Angel: Who doesn't like Denzel?
Wesley: No, I mean...
Wesley: Angel, It's me!
Angel: What are you doing here?
Wesley: Gunn's in trouble. Can't breathe.
Angel: Gunn can't breathe?
Wesley: I can't breathe.
Angel: Oh, sorry.
Wesley: Oh, it's quite all right. Now, about the naked thing?
Angel: I'll get dressed.
Wesley: Much appreciated.
Angel: Well, it's-it's just you know... the whole visibility issue. Not to mention the whole hat head thing, and you know when you really think about it ... How come I have to wear the ladies' helmet?
Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on. Looks good, hop on gorgeous.
Angel: You'll pay for this.
Untouched
Darla: There's nothing so lovely as dreams, everything in them, everything hidden. Open those chambers and you can truly understand someone, and control them.
Lilah: And what's hidden in Angel's secret chambers?
Darla: Horrors.
Gunn: The fair Cordelia. You still saving my life?
Cordelia: Every minute.
Gunn: How's that working out?
Cordelia: You're alive aren't you.
Cordelia: No think, pay. That's an order.
Angel: Hey, how about we pretend you work for me.
Cordelia: You are really unpleasant when you...
Angel: Then why don't we pretend you don't.
Cordelia: You can't fire me, I'm vision girl.
Bethany: I could make you happy.
Angel: You wouldn't like me when I'm happy.
Wesley: Our discussions tend to go about three minutes then it's strictly name calling and hair pulling.
Angel: So, what do we have here?
Officer: Ah, you're not...
Angel: (To crowd) Hey, you want to get behind the tape? You gotta gawk, go home, watch a high speed chase on Fox. (To Officer) You want to think about keeping the tourist off my crime scene?
Officer: But...
Angel: I'm out of vice three weeks and I've seen enough amateur night crap to fill a mini series.
Cordelia: You know he helps people with problems.
Bethany: So, what's wrong with you?
Wesley: Where to begin?
Wesley: If I'd given her time to get her defenses up...
Cordelia: She wouldn't be crying, you wouldn't be bruised, and Angel wouldn't have had a near melba toast experience.
Cordelia: You can't fire Wesley. I'll quit too. Unless you're firm.
Angel: The time I've lived, I've seen some horrors, scary behavior, and a couple of fashion trends I constantly pray to forget.
Dear Boy
Angel: Guess you didn't take that whole 'dust to dust' thing to heart, did you?
Angelus: Hello love.
Darla: We made quite a mess out there, blood and habits everywhere.
Angelus: Convents, they're just a big cookie jar.
Darla: So, do we kill her during or after?
Angelus: We turn her into one of us. Killing is so merciful in the end, isn't it? The pain is ended.
Darla: But to make her one of us, she's a lunatic.
Angelus: Eternal torment. Am I learning?
Angel: It's been a long time since I said this to anyone, but you can scream all you want.
Angel: That's enough!
Darla: I'm pretty familiar with the international sign for enough, and you have a ways to go.
Angel: You took me places, showed me things, huh. You blew the top of my head off, but you never made me happy.
Darla: But that... that cheerleader did?!
Darla: There was a time, in the early years, when you would have said I was the definition of bliss. Buffy wasn't happiness, she was just new.
Angel: Darla, you hurt anyone else and I'll kill you.
Darla: Isn't that against your cub scout code?
Angel: I'll make an exception.
Darla: You see, no matter how good a boy you are, God doesn't want you. But I still do.
Cordelia: He can't be having a growth spurt at 248, could he?
Angel: 247
Cordelia: What if, every time you identified a demon in one of your big, old books, we give you ten bucks, or a chicken pot pie?
Wesley: Wait, I have another idea. NO. Get a vision.
Angel: Are you all right? You sure you don't want to sit down?
Cordelia: If I sit, I'll throw up in my head.
Cordelia: I think the fight is how to worship it.
Angel: This is why personally, I rarely go to church... I thought it was funny.
Darla: So did I.
Angel: Ahh, uh, didn't doze off. Here I am. Where were we?
Gunn: OH, you are NOT paying me enough for this!
Jeakins: I trust Claire, but I found this receipt from the Franklin Hotel, weekend before last, when she was supposed to be in the Trifid Nebula.
Wesley: Oh, he's an eccentric, all the great ones are. Sherlock Holmes, Phillip Marlowe...
Jeakins: Those are fictional characters.
Wesley: Right you are, which gives Angel rather a leg up when you come to think of it.
Cordelia: Personal Bubble! Personal Bubble!
Wesley: I need to speak with you, man to man. Cordelia, you may not want to be here for this... Was it something I did?
Wesley: Vampires don't come back from the dead.
Angel: I did and I saw her. I'm not crazy.
Wesley: Where?
Angel: Right between the clowns and the big talking hot dog.
Cordy: We have an exciting new case, could be aliens, could be adultery. It's a corker!
Lindsey: Woman should have her own series.
Guise Will Be Guise
Caritas Host: You don't have to sing. A break for you, a break for me, and a break for Manilow.
Cordelia: (To Wesley) Right. This is Angel. 'Oh, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday."
Wesley: Release her, or die.
Angel: Don't I say that?
Cordelia: (To Wesley) Do you have any clothes a man would wear?
Gunn: See. What?! That's the plan? Walking real quick was the plan?
Angel: I guess I'm a little, um… rocky.
Caritas Host: You're Rocky and Rocky II, and half of the one with Mr. T.
Gunn: Wait, are you saying, … is he gonna sing? Oh God, is Angel gonna sing?
Angel: We're going. I don't have to sing.
Cordelia: Oh thank God!
T'ish Magev: Vampire living in a city known for its sun, driving a convertible. Why do you hate yourself?
Angel: I don't. I got a deal.
T'ish Magev: You got a deal? Why not a personalized license plate that says, 'irony?'
Angel: Top goes up.
Wesley: Blood. I don't usually… drink in front of humans.
Magnus: Don't insult me, go on. It's fresh.
Wesley: Dear God! That's... yummy.
T'ish Magev: How many warriors slated for the coming apocalypse do you think are going to be using that hair gel? Don't get me wrong. You're out there, fighting the ultimate evil; you're going to want something with hold.
Cordelia: What's wrong with you? You've got delusions of Angel. You're not him. You can't do stuff on your own.
Angel: That's my coat, right?
Angel: You know Cordelia, you're just jealous because he's getting attention.
Cordelia: Damn Skippy! He's getting famous off this. Reflected glory, that's my thing.
Angel: Get a little perspective. Bodyguard to the stars, yeah right. There's no Wyndham Pryce Agency!
Darla
The Master: You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul.
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil have me, if he'll take me. Either way, I'll die.
The Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: I remember. You're Death?
The Master: No.
Darla: What then?
The Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will.
Angelus: I could never live in a rat infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.
Angel: You get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it.
Angel: If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia: Sorry, I know you're concussion gal and all but around here it's Angel, just Angel.
Darla: They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats.
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat, to know really and for once that your alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course, I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla: Fine , fine. If it's such a punishment then, take out your revenge, pay me back. Please...
Angel: I can't
Wesley: Goodnight.
Angel: You're still here.
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Angel: We're a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.
Angel: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, am I?
Darla: Drusilla, the camp. Go on, kill things.
Darla: Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live.
Spike: Buuurpp...! What?
Lindsey: Did you re-notify his family?
Darla
The Master: You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul.
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil have me, if he'll take me. Either way, I'll die.
The Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: I remember. You're Death?
The Master: No.
Darla: What then?
The Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will.
Angelus: I could never live in a rat infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.
Angel: You get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it.
Angel: If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia: Sorry, I know you're concussion gal and all but around here it's Angel, just Angel.
Darla: They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats.
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat, to know really and for once that your alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course, I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla: Fine , fine. If it's such a punishment then, take out your revenge, pay me back. Please...
Angel: I can't
Wesley: Goodnight.
Angel: You're still here.
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Angel: We're a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.
Angel: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, am I?
Darla: Drusilla, the camp. Go on, kill things.
Darla: Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live.
Spike: Buuurpp...! What?
Lindsey: Did you re-notify his family?
Darla
The Master: You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul.
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil have me, if he'll take me. Either way, I'll die.
The Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: I remember. You're Death?
The Master: No.
Darla: What then?
The Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will.
Angelus: I could never live in a rat infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.
Angel: You get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it.
Angel: If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia: Sorry, I know you're concussion gal and all but around here it's Angel, just Angel.
Darla: They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats.
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat, to know really and for once that your alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course, I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla: Fine , fine. If it's such a punishment then, take out your revenge, pay me back. Please...
Angel: I can't
Wesley: Goodnight.
Angel: You're still here.
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Angel: We're a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.
Angel: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, am I?
Darla: Drusilla, the camp. Go on, kill things.
Darla: Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live.
Spike: Buuurpp...! What?
Lindsey: Did you re-notify his family?
Darla
The Master: You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul.
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil have me, if he'll take me. Either way, I'll die.
The Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: I remember. You're Death?
The Master: No.
Darla: What then?
The Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will.
Angelus: I could never live in a rat infested stinkhole like this, pardon me for saying so. But I gotta have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror.
Angel: You get just enough breath to tell me where she is. My advice? Don't waste it.
Angel: If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you. Hell, I might be coming back for you anyway.
Cordelia: Sorry, I know you're concussion gal and all but around here it's Angel, just Angel.
Darla: They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats.
Angel: It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat, to know really and for once that your alive. You're human again, Darla. You know what that means?
Darla: Of course, I do. It means pain and suffering and disease and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me.
Darla: Fine , fine. If it's such a punishment then, take out your revenge, pay me back. Please...
Angel: I can't
Wesley: Goodnight.
Angel: You're still here.
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Angel: We're a detective agency. We investigate things. That's what we're good at.
Cordelia: That's what we suck at.
Angel: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, am I?
Darla: Drusilla, the camp. Go on, kill things.
Darla: Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live.
Spike: Buuurpp...! What?
Lindsey: Did you re-notify his family?
The Shroud of Rahmon
Wesley: He helps people, you know. When he's not in trouble himself.
Angel: You get stuck between me and Darla, it'll be the last thing you'll ever do.
Angel: Yeah, he ran with the whole Sinatra rat-pack thing, never got over it.
Angel: I hate waiting, you got anybody to eat around here?
Angel: This guy here, he's a troublemaker. All right, I know a Vagnu demon, professional driver, never opens up his mouth.
Gunn: I know a vampire better shut his.
Cordelia: I'm not big on Shrouds, they're an after you die outfit.
Angel: I'm the good guy, wait, I'm the bad guy.
Angel: Wow! Look at you. Rushin' in here all by yourself. You're the best cop ever.
Angel: I don't know, I like it when they're scared, makes 'em taste, you know, kind of salty.
Cordelia: You can bet if someone ordered a male body part for religious sacrifice... the world would be Athest... (snaps fingers) like THAT!
Wesley: What happened to your head?
Cordelia: Excuse me?
Wesley: Your hair. It's new... it's great. When did this happen?
Cordelia: Ten days ago.
Wesley: Of course. I..I.. didn't want to... embarrass you by...
Cordelia: Noticing?
Cordelia: Oh contraire, his day is packed. Brood about Darla, brood about Darla, lunch, followed by a little Darla brooding.
Wesley: Right, enough is enough. I'm going to march up there and tell him just that.
Cordelia: Nice posturing.
Wesley: Thank you.
Cordelia: Uh-huh. Time to trapise off to a 'your shallow, soul sucking Hollywood party?'
Wesley: Premier actually, and I... ah... happened to have an extra ticket.
Cordelia: Who does shallow better than me?
Gunn: And what am I supposed to do, sit home and knit?
Angel: I could use a sweater, somethin' dark.
Angel: Cordelia, what happened?
Cordelia: It's not blood, it's cocktail sauce, courtesty of Mr. Star Schmoozer here.
Angel: I mean, to your head, your hair... Well... it looks great. When did this happen?
Wesley: Ten days ago, pay attention.
Wesley: We, uh, had a little misshap, with the little shrimp, and uh, the sauce, and her dress.
Angel: You were at a party?
Cordelia: You know, party, soiree, night of a thousand humiliations.
Wesley: I spilled it on her in front of Mr. Fat... Chow... Chow.
Cordelia: Chow Yun Fat!
Angel: What? You met Chow Yun Fat?!
Angel: Hey, how you doin? You look sharp. That ah, plastic surgeon... did he give you the big rebate?
Demon: Let's go, car's over here.
Angel: Yah, you know, the trip was faboo, I love flyin' coach, and... What is that piece of junk?
Demon: You're funny vampire.
Angel: Oh, whoa, we need to talk bro. Two things bringin' in the chicks, the do and the ride.
Demon: Get in.
Angel: I hope I don't see anybody I know.
Angel: I like the shirt. Where'd you get that, Ed's big and spiny?
Demon: Something wrong?
Gunn: Depends. Do we all got to wear these ugly-ass shirts? Is this like, you know, a team thing? Cause, you know, I got my pride.
Wesley: Click on recent acquisitions. Right there. There!
Cordelia: I've got it! Geesh, back seat surfer.
Gunn: When are they gonna start making some pretty demons?
Gunn: You about to turn or somethin'?
Angel: No.
Gunn: You don't look like NO.
Angel: Shut up and lift, Lester.
Gunn: Don't give me orders, Elvis.
Angel: You know, I'm getting pretty sick of this vampires-killed-my-sister-so-now-I'm-all-entitled song. Don't you know anything else? Like say, ah, MacArthur Park?
The Trial
Angel: So, you really want to be made by some creep in a filthy alley?
Darla: I wanted you to do it.
Angel: That'll never happen.
Darla: So, I do what I have to do. Anyway, you were made in an alley if I recall.
Angel: You do this thing, I won't be able to leave you alone, don't you get that, huh? I'll never be able to leave you alone. Next time it'll be you on the end of this stake. I'm sorry, and I don't want that, not again.
Darla: Don't worry. I wouldn't let it happen twice.
Cordelia: Yes, but you were just soulless bloodsucking demons. They're lawyers
Angel: (To Darla) She's right. We were amateurs.
Angel: I may not be able to come in, Lindsey, but...
Lindsey: Wipe your feet.
Angel: What?
Lindsey: Wipe your feet, you can come in. Jeez, I invite you in already.
Angel: Do you love her Lindsey? Is that what this is? Heh, look at you. A few short months with her and you go all schoolboy. I was with her 150 years.
Lindsey: But you never loved her.
Angel: I wasn't capable of it and neither are you.
Angel: Maybe it would be different. I mean, we don't know. Maybe, ah, because, you know, I have a soul... if I did bite you..
Darla: No.
Angel: We don't know what it would do to you.
Darla: Angel, I've seen it now. Everything you're going through, everything you've gone through. I felt it. I felt how you care. They way no one ever cared before. Not for me. It's all I need from you.
Angel: It's not enough.
Darla: It is.
Lindsey: How did you think this would end?
Darla: All right, then let's be animals. At least for tonight. Unless of course, you're tired.
Angelus: Bastards!
Wesley: I keep hearing a... "chucka chucka" sound. What's he doing down there?
Cordelia: How should I know? He barely says good morning and get me a glass of blood anymore.
Cordelia: And, I thought you were going to be a man and talk to him about this.
Wesley: I was a man... I said, things.
Cordelia: Like what?
Wesley: Like did he prefer milk or sugar in his tea. It's how men talk about things in England!
Angel: Mmmm, don't you love it when they're still warm from the dryer? Wrinkle-free, heh, right, after you iron it for fifteen minutes.
Wesley: It's good to see you... taking a domestic tack.
Cordelia: Yeah, you seem all calm and homey... are you on drugs?
Cordelia: You lied to us.
Angel: I did. I know.
Wesley: Why?
Angel: I figured you'd nag.
Cordelia: Listen up Mister. If you expect us to go with you on some wild goose chase... then guess again. We're not going to enable you in your addiction!
Wesley: Didn't we learn anything from the tea?!
Darla: How long have you been...?
Shempire: An eternal child of darkness? Since, ah '92.
Darla: Nineteen ninety-two?
Darla: Why do you think I came into this bar? For the snacks?
Shempire: Sweetheart, in this bar you are the snacks.
Angel: Scent's still fresh, a lot of fear.
Gunn: Don't envy that particular talent. Not based on what I'm gettin' with just my standard issue human smeller. Man, not even for free cable. You know what I'm sayin'?
Angelus: This is outrageous. Don't these people know who we are?
Darla: I think they do, which would explain the lynch mob.
Angelus: This man Holtz, how does he keep finding us?
Darla: Well, we stay in the best hotels, order room service, eat the waiters. People talk.
Cordelia: So, first up, you're our prisoner.
Wesley: I'd have to concur with that, yes.
Cordelia: You've got our friend all in knots.
Wesley: Can't say we like you much.
Cordelia: So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape, we will hit you.
Cordelia: On the head.
Cordelia: With very large and heavy objects. Ok.
Cordelia: I'm sorry but after 400 years of death and destruction, it seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?
Caritas Host: You still testy from the last time?
Angel: I don't know, when you sent me to that Swami who was dead and his imposter tried to kill me? Why would I be testy about that?
Caritas Host: Look you're a big hunk of hero sandwich.
Caritas Host: Okay, I know I'm probably going to regret this. In fact, being prescient, I'm actually sure of it.
The Trial
Angel: So, you really want to be made by some creep in a filthy alley?
Darla: I wanted you to do it.
Angel: That'll never happen.
Darla: So, I do what I have to do. Anyway, you were made in an alley if I recall.
Angel: You do this thing, I won't be able to leave you alone, don't you get that, huh? I'll never be able to leave you alone. Next time it'll be you on the end of this stake. I'm sorry, and I don't want that, not again.
Darla: Don't worry. I wouldn't let it happen twice.
Cordelia: Yes, but you were just soulless bloodsucking demons. They're lawyers
Angel: (To Darla) She's right. We were amateurs.
Angel: I may not be able to come in, Lindsey, but...
Lindsey: Wipe your feet.
Angel: What?
Lindsey: Wipe your feet, you can come in. Jeez, I invite you in already.
Angel: Do you love her Lindsey? Is that what this is? Heh, look at you. A few short months with her and you go all schoolboy. I was with her 150 years.
Lindsey: But you never loved her.
Angel: I wasn't capable of it and neither are you.
Angel: Maybe it would be different. I mean, we don't know. Maybe, ah, because, you know, I have a soul... if I did bite you..
Darla: No.
Angel: We don't know what it would do to you.
Darla: Angel, I've seen it now. Everything you're going through, everything you've gone through. I felt it. I felt how you care. They way no one ever cared before. Not for me. It's all I need from you.
Angel: It's not enough.
Darla: It is.
Lindsey: How did you think this would end?
Darla: All right, then let's be animals. At least for tonight. Unless of course, you're tired.
Angelus: Bastards!
Wesley: I keep hearing a... "chucka chucka" sound. What's he doing down there?
Cordelia: How should I know? He barely says good morning and get me a glass of blood anymore.
Cordelia: And, I thought you were going to be a man and talk to him about this.
Wesley: I was a man... I said, things.
Cordelia: Like what?
Wesley: Like did he prefer milk or sugar in his tea. It's how men talk about things in England!
Angel: Mmmm, don't you love it when they're still warm from the dryer? Wrinkle-free, heh, right, after you iron it for fifteen minutes.
Wesley: It's good to see you... taking a domestic tack.
Cordelia: Yeah, you seem all calm and homey... are you on drugs?
Cordelia: You lied to us.
Angel: I did. I know.
Wesley: Why?
Angel: I figured you'd nag.
Cordelia: Listen up Mister. If you expect us to go with you on some wild goose chase... then guess again. We're not going to enable you in your addiction!
Wesley: Didn't we learn anything from the tea?!
Darla: How long have you been...?
Shempire: An eternal child of darkness? Since, ah '92.
Darla: Nineteen ninety-two?
Darla: Why do you think I came into this bar? For the snacks?
Shempire: Sweetheart, in this bar you are the snacks.
Angel: Scent's still fresh, a lot of fear.
Gunn: Don't envy that particular talent. Not based on what I'm gettin' with just my standard issue human smeller. Man, not even for free cable. You know what I'm sayin'?
Angelus: This is outrageous. Don't these people know who we are?
Darla: I think they do, which would explain the lynch mob.
Angelus: This man Holtz, how does he keep finding us?
Darla: Well, we stay in the best hotels, order room service, eat the waiters. People talk.
Cordelia: So, first up, you're our prisoner.
Wesley: I'd have to concur with that, yes.
Cordelia: You've got our friend all in knots.
Wesley: Can't say we like you much.
Cordelia: So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape, we will hit you.
Cordelia: On the head.
Cordelia: With very large and heavy objects. Ok.
Cordelia: I'm sorry but after 400 years of death and destruction, it seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?
Caritas Host: You still testy from the last time?
Angel: I don't know, when you sent me to that Swami who was dead and his imposter tried to kill me? Why would I be testy about that?
Caritas Host: Look you're a big hunk of hero sandwich.
Caritas Host: Okay, I know I'm probably going to regret this. In fact, being prescient, I'm actually sure of it.
Reunion
Holland: Drusilla, you are positively glowing.
Drusilla: I'm going to be a mummy!
Cordelia: Hitting the pause button. Wolfram and Hart, as in vampire detectors, crack security system and armed guards. Nice plan, General Custer.
Gunn: You had me at, "Everyone, gear up."
Drusilla: You're all new again!
Angel: I'd be careful who you offer your hand to, Mr. Manners. You might just loose it. Isnt' that right, Lindsey?
Angel: You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die, innocent people.
Holland: And yet, I just can't seem to care.
Darla: Why aren't you afraid?
Lindsey: I don't know.
Darla: You could die here. Chances are, you will.
Lindsey: Yeah.
Darla: And you don't care?
Lindsey: I care. I guess I just don't mind.
Holland: Angel, please; people are going to die.
Angel: And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care.
Wesley: You could have stopped them.
Angel: And I will.
Cordelia: When? After they've finished off all the people you don't like?
Cordelia: You have to change the way you've been doing things. Don't you see where this is taking you?
Wesley: Listen to her. Right now, the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness.
Gunn: You best believe that man.
Angel: I do. You're all fired.
Lilah: Think maybe now you've got a shot with her?
Darla: Dru honey, in our new digs, we have to put in a people celler.
Angel: Morgog couldn't find his way to his hairy spine-hump without a road map.
Drusilla: Yeah, yeah. Spank us till Tuesday. Grrrr. We promise to be bad if you do.
Gunn: (To Angel, while he's digging through a cabinet.) She probably isn't in there.
Gunn: That means, the granddaughter remade the grandmother.
Wesley: Uh... yes.
Gunn: Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole blood-sucking thing.
Drusilla: I saw you coming, my lovely, the moon showed me. It told me to come into the 20th century.
Angel: It's the 21st century, Dru.
Drusilla: I'm still lagging.
Wesley: So, you did find them, then? Where are they now?
Angel: I don't know.
Cordelia: But you know where they're going to be?
Angel: Not exactly.
Wesley: But yet, you have your suspicions?
Angel: Actually, I don't.
Cordelia: So, it's more like a hunch?
Angel: Wouldn't say, hunch.
Cordelia: Could you say inkling? Please tell me you can at least say, inkling.
Wesley: Angel, pull over.
Angel: I'll slow down, all right.
Wesley: NO. Pull over, she's having a vision.
Gunn: Tell me it ain't us she's seeing wrapped around a lamp post.
Cordelia: It's in the other direction, turn around!
Angel: We're almost there.
Wesley: Angel!
Cordelia: Ahhhhaa.
Angel: She should have done this before we left the hotel.
Wesley: ANGEL!
Drusilla: Oh, I'm ringing. Do you hear it? I'm ringing all over. Oh, yah, I forgot about that.
Redefinition
Cordelia: One thing you can say about Angel, at least he's consistent. It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge.
Angel: (To himself) I'm not ready yet. Too many years spent sleeping in soft beds, living in a world where I don't belong. I can't fight them, not yet. But soon.
Virginia: You're a Renowned Specialist in -- in Supernatural Aide and Rescue.
Lilah: Oh, what's wrong Lindsey? You bitter 'cause your girlfriend didn't slit my throat?
Lindsey: That might be overstating it, more like bummed.
Darla: See Lindsey, during my stint as Wolfram and Hart's puppet, something occurred to me. I loathe being used. If I recall, I sent you a fifteen body memo to that effect.
Darla: I spent two hundred and fifty years without Angel. You think just because I went through a little human phase, I'd go all gooey?
Darla: If you think you have what it takes to join us, auditions are tonight, here, at this address. Winners will have the opportunity to foment mass destruction; losers will be gutted and left for dead. Have a nice night.
Drusilla: We could have a thousand soldiers and still he'll come. Galloping, galloping, still he'll come.
Darla: For God's sake, can't a woman wreak a little havoc without there being a man involved?
Gunn: This thing nearly ripped us up to shreds.
Cordelia: Yeah, but out of everybody here, which one of us is the dead one?
Drusilla: I'm burning, make it stop, please.
Darla: Shh, Baby, shh. That wasn't Angel.
Drusilla: He's gone. He's all gone. Oh, it hurts, it hurts.
Darla: It wasn't Angelus either.
Drusilla: Darla, help me, please, please, please.
Darla: Who was that?
Wesley: I thought you might like to know that we're keeping the agency open, with or without you. You may have turned your back on your mission, but we haven't. Someone has to fight the good fight.
Angel: (To himself) Let them fight the good fight. Someone has to fight the war.
Merl: All right, all right, all right. I heard about your girls... Godzilla, Darcilla, whatever.
Darla: You know, in a perfect world, Angel would be here right now, helping me burn this city to the ground. This is his job I'm doing. But, where is he? Probably flogging himself in a church somewhere.
Drusilla: Ooh...flogging. Ooh...churches.
Cordelia: Can someone explain to me, just what happened here?
Wesley: I believe we were fired.
Gunn: Canned.
Wesley: Let go.
Gunn: Axed.
Wesley: Shown the door.
Gunn: Booted.
Cordelia: All right, all right. I get it.
Wesley: Your father tried to sacrifice you to the Goddess Yeska.
Virginia: Yeah, one of the main reasons I'll never talk to him again.
Wesley: Bloody Mary, please.
Bartender: You want real blood with that?
Wesley: Uh...No. Bloodless, thanks.
Wesley: (To himself) Steady on Wesley. Perhaps something by Cat Stevens.
Wesley: What are you doing here?
Cordelia: Oh.. Ah, well. I was um, in the neighborhood.
Wesley: You live fifteen miles away.
Cordelia: Well, you know LA, it's all one really big neighborhood.
Wesley: I see. Come to find your destiny, have you? And whose going to help you with that?
Cordelia: Shania Twain or Madonna. I haven't decided.
Gunn: Hey, I have a rep to maintain, all right. I can't have you all seeing through my brusque and macho exterior.
Cordelia: Oh, heaven forfend.
Wesley: So...I'll assume it's not Madonna, but what song were you going to sing?
Gunn: You wouldn't know it.
Gunn: If I had to listen to you two, day in, day out, snipe, snipe snipe, bitch, bitch, bitch... I figure ya'll got off easy, 'cause I would have killed you.
Wesley: Well, how is a man supposed to run a business if his employees won't follow directives?
Gunn: Was one of his directives, 'Hire a pansey-ass British guy?'
Wesley: My ass is not pansey!
Cordelia: You, Mr. Big Mojo Guy, are supposed to give us guidance now.
Wesley: She's right. We came, we sang, we fought the urge to regurgitate.
Cordelia: So, spill already... (To Wesley) Not you.
Blood Money
Angel: You avoiding me Merl? I asked you for a favor and you're avoiding me. That's impolite.
Merl: Well, nearly drowning me and leaving me hanging in a sewer ain't exactly Emily Post either.
Wesley: It's the biggest thing you've ever seen.
Gunn: Me and English here, are gettin' stomped, just ducking flames.
Wesley: It hurls me into the outflow drain.
Gunn: Oh, and then you come crawling back stinking, screaming curses. The mouth on this boy.
Wesley: And Gunn hits him from behind, yelling, 'Look at us when we kill you!' And both the heads turn...
Gunn: Then shronk! Wes buries his axe into head number one.
Wesley: And Gunn, is running him through, pulling out intestines the size of your leg!
Gunn: We turned him inside out!
Wesley: Ah ha!
Cordelia: You weren't scared?
Wesley: Oh Mother in heaven.
Gunn: Pants wetting, praise the Lord to save you kinda scared, all right.
Woman: Serena, I have to know. This thing with making your character gay, is that like... all about ratings, 'cause I don't get it.
Lilah: So, what if this guys actually as good as he says and actually kills Angel.
Lindsey: Boo Hoo, let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand.
Lilah: Hey Napoleon, we're co-Vice-Presidents.
Boone: You Merl?
Merl: Ah, Merl? Merl who? My name's Ed, ah... Silverman.
Nathan: I like to think of my job as underlining the 'Heart' in Wolfram and Hart.
Angel: You screw with me and you screw with me, and... you screw with me. And now, I get to screw with you.
Lilah: Ah.
Angel: That's gonna be great!
Lilah: Angel, please...
Angel: No, no, no. The begging... that comes later.
Wesley: You think I don't have what it takes.
Gunn: I know you don't have what it takes.
Wesley: I guess we'll just have to find out.
Gunn: Go English, make your move, 'cause it'll be your last. (Wes rolls dice) Now I rule Europe, Australia and South America!
Gunn: Right, I'll tell you the first thing we're scrapping, these stupid calling cards.
Cordelia: They are not stupid. I designed them. That's an angel.
Wesley: The universal symbol for the one thing we don't have.
Gunn: That's an angel? Looks like a lobster with a growth, or ... Well, make our own logo!
Wesley: Yes, something sleek but edgy.
Gunn: Somethin' that says, you need help, we're there.
Wesley: Exactly! 'Danger is our business. We'll catch you when you fall.'
Cordelia: Oh. (Cordy falls)
Gunn: Oh, I like that.
Cordelia: Guys?
Anne: Hey, guy I ran over.
Angel: Hey, girl who ran over me.
Anne: What's the matter, doesn't fit you anymore?
Angel: Cuts me across the bust. A friend left her clothes at my place. I won't be seeing her anytime soon so I figured…
Anne: Ex-girlfriend?
Angel: God no!
Gunn: So, it's big.
Wesley: Big.
Gunn: And fire-breathing.
Wesley: Breathing.
Gunn: Big, two-headed, fire-brea...
Wesley: I think we all have the picture Gunn. He's not a Teddy bear and probably shouldn't be attending the Kenyard School for girls.
Gunn: You know, right about now, I wouldn't mind having...
Wesley: Don't say it! We don't have him and it's not going to do any good wishing we did.
Gunn: I was gonna say some dynamite.
Wesley: Oh, dynamite. Maybe it's not too late to go back and... (Roar) Oh God.
Gunn: Tunnel's twenty feet tall. He was crouchin!'
Wesley: Ugh, well, we'll take another look, and then we'll...
Gunn: Die!
Wesley: Wait, wait, wait. Wait till his back is turned. Now!
Gunn: I thought she said he breathed fire!
Happy Anniversary
Gunn: Okay, everyone parked within ten blocks has a flyer on their windshield. We just slightly irritated almost a hundred people.
Gunn: I'm so glad I met you guys. It's entertaining, really.
The Host: But, when he started singing, man he knocked me out.
Angel: He was good?
The Host: No, Angelface, he knocked me out!
The Host: So, what we should do is start with the other Karaoke bars, see if we can get a lead on him. That is, if you're not too busy killing lawyers and setting girls on fire.
Angel: Seventeen Karaoke bars. You know I need to lie down and scrub out the inside of my head.
The Host: Oh, this whole sourpussy mode of yours, it's startin' to grate. You know what your problem is? Are you listening?
Angel: Do I have a choice?
The Host: Your heart isn't in it anymore.
Angel: I don't have a pulse, so technically I don't have a heart.
The Host: Technically, someone puts a stake through it, you don't have anything any more. So, Bubba, your heart counts.
Angel: You know what my problem is, I'm screwed, that's my problem. I can't win. I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of unthinkable evil. News flash; I never can. Never gonna be enough. Now I got Wolfram and Hart doggin' me, it's too much. Two hundred highly intelligent law school graduates workin' full time, drivin' me crazy. Why the hell is everyone so surprised that it's working? But no, it's.. Angel? Why are you cranky? Angel, you should lighten up, you should smile. You should wear a nice plaid.
The Host: Ohh, not this season, honey.
Angel: Redemption. Darla had a shot at redemption and they took it from her. Now, I have to hunt her down and kill her. And I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kill her, and then I'm going to burn that law firm to the ground. My crew, they couldn't handle that. That's good, means they're still human. It means they're better off being fired.
The Host: Kinda left 'em in the cold.
Angel: It's a lot colder in here.
The Host: You're connecting to a human. It's a start, only I'd go easy on the bone and ash metaphors for a while.
Angel: Well, the guy's a disaster at love, and he nearly destroyed the world. I can relate.
Client: Which one of you is Angel?
Wesley: It's just a name.
Val: Look, I like the theory of freezing time as much as the next Star Trek nerd...
Gene: Sorry about the clutter.
Denise: It wouldn't be you without it.
Val: Oh my God. You're going to give him the sympathy bone, aren't you? It's going to be dinner, sympathy bone and Adios Gene. I'm totally right here, aren't I?
Val: The post sympathy bone walk out is your only escape hatch now.
Angel: What I hear, and maybe, hopefully, I'm still dreaming, is The Star Spangled Banner being belted out by a loud, green demon.
The Host: We're all brothers under the skin, mi amigo. Although the garden hue and the horns have kept me out of some key public performances. Just once I'd like to ring in a Lakers game with our National Anthem. Is that too much to ask?
The Host: Don't feel the need to offer your guest a frothy cappuccino or a hot cinnamon roll.
Angel: I don't.
The Host: Man, you just get darker and darker. And, the weird thing is... your aura, beige.
The Host: I don't know why you fired those three plucky kids. They were good company. Not to mention Cordelia, hooo, hot-o-rama in the 'Oh my sizzlin' loins' sense of the word, if you know what I mean? And the British boy, he's gonna be playing a huge... well.
Angel: Are you going to get to the world ending or you just going to chat until it does?
Angel: Can you just get to the point, already?
The Host: Yes I can, if you'll let me get in a word edgewise, 'Mr. Get to the pointy-pants.'
Virginia: You guys must be so excited, in that really dry suicidal way.
Virginia: Imported chips and packets of cheese.
Gunn: Thanks.
Wesley: We'll enjoy them huddled 'round our pathetic candles.
Cordelia: We'll make pathetic nachos.
Angel: Where'd you learn how to drive?
The Host: Just now, in your car. Not bad for a beginner, huh?
Angel: You nearly got us killed four times.
The Host: Someone had to drive. You weren't exactly qualified huddled under the blanket in the back, hiding from the sun.
Angel: Let's see if we can't find your litte madman, bent on destroying the universe.
The Host: I like to think of him as our little madman. That's just me, a team player, you know.
Mike: What's that?
Angel: Don't worry, it's just the new school mascot.
Mike: For the Buccaneers?
The Host: Not your school silly.
The Host: So, there's another gear after that number two thingie? Ah, relax, I'll pay for a tune up. Unless the world ends and then I'm off the hook.
The Thin Dead Line
Wesley: Quiet may be good for mankind, but bad for business.
Angel: Why the rush to relocate?
Merl: Well, let's see, there's um... you, and there's every other crook and monstro in this town thinks they can just waltz in here and pound me until they get information, without paying either. I mean at least that British guy understood what a working relationship was, had some respect. You don't care about anyone but yourself.
Angel: I really don't think you're in a position to judge...
Merl: How is old Wesley, huh? Or the other two you fired. They do all right? Oh, gee, let me guess. I bet you never even bothered to check.
Gunn: All right, look, the plan is simple. I want you to roll the camcorder, wait for the cops to hassle us.
Anne: How do you know they will?
Gunn: 'Cause we'll be the ones walkin' while black.
Cordelia: What are you doing here?
Angel: I heard about Wesley.
Wesley: Well, that's great. Too bad it takes a gunshot wound to make you give a crap. Wesley doesn't need you right now. We don't need you. You walked away, do us a favor and just stay away.
Rodell: Am-bu-lance ain't gonna come down here.
Paramedic: He's goin' south.
Angel: How are you controlling them? The entrails?
Anne: I'm very sorry, but I really don't have any free beds.
Jackson: You don't have to worry bout me. I'm sure I can find someone willing to share.
Cordelia: Maybe we can buy one of those star maps, find out where Steven Seagal lives. You tellin' me he got to be a movie star without a little demonic assistance?
Angel: Hey Merl.
Merl: Jesus man! I mean, can't you, you know, knock?
Angel: You don't make that funny expression when I knock. Or, if you do, I don't see it.
Gunn: So, uh, what brings you to this neck of the woods?
Anne: Oh, I just thought I'd see how the other half lives and strangely enough, it's not that different.
Gunn: Come on.
Cordelia: We like to think of it as early American Dilapidation.
Gunn: Oh it's cool, it's cool, they know what's what.
Cordelia: What?
Cordelia: One of Wesley's wealthy acquaintances got bit by a demon.
Anne: Are they okay?
Wesley: Oh, for the most part.
Cordelia: Except for, she grew another eye, in the back of her head.
Anne: Wow, that sounds... handy.
Gunn: We were planning on changing it to the 'Gunn Agency.'
Wesley & Cordelia: No we're not!
Gunn: As soon as these two narcissists come to their senses.
Wesley: You couldn't stop him?
Cordelia: Hello, Gunn, stubborn, synonyms.
Cordelia: Hey, Gunn graduated with a major in dumb planning from Angel University and sat at the feet of the master, and learned well, how to plan dumbly.
Wesley: We're just going to have to let him do this.
Cordelia: Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine.
Wesley: He wants our help, he knows where to call us.
Cordelia: We'll work our gig, Gunn can work his.
Wesley: Right, let's get down there and save him from himself.
Cordelia: It's not like that third eye is going anywhere.
Anne: How are your laundry folding skills?
Cordelia: I'm an actress, I can fake it.
Cordelia: Hey! That's my... ugh sorry. I have a shirt just like that. The girl at the store said it was one of a kind. Big fibber.
Gunn: How you doin?
Wesley: Oh, I have a feeling I should be in a great deal of pain.
Gunn: Gettin' gut-shot like that'll do it to you.
Wesley: And yet... Is this morphine Well, it's bloody lovely.
Reprise
Worshiper: Hey, that's our pre-blessed ceremonial dagger.
Angel: I'm just the type of guy who hates to see good blood go to waste!
Cordelia: Scam! The back of your kid's head was blinking!
Francine: This is ridiculous.
Cordelia: What do you mean? We didn't even charge you for the mandrake.
Francine: My husband says it's outrageous.
Wesley: Does he? And, just what would your husband consider a fair price for the removal of the third eye from the back of your child's head, Mrs. Sharp?
Wesley: Clearly, it's easier for the Sharp's to cast us as con artists, rather than accept the grim reality that Skilosh spawn nearly hatched full grown, out of their child's skull.
Lindsey: I'm gonna take a shower.
Darla: You always take a shower when you come back from that place. Don't know why, you're never dirty.
Lindsey: I'm always dirty.
Angel: I need more.
The Host: We all need more, darlin'.
Angel: More information.
The Host: What you need more of, is tether, 'cause you're about at the end of yours.
Angel: You're...
Holland: Holland Manners.
Angel: Not alive.
Holland: Oh no, I'm quite dead. Unfortunately, my contract with Wolfram and Hart extends well beyond that.
Holland: See, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there, why they wouldn't be people, they'd all be angels.
Darla: Don't play games with me.
Angel: I'm not playing, I just want to feel something besides the cold.
Angel: You know, I've, well, really, couldn't help but notice the goats. Yeah, a lot of goats. Goats, many. Those are some goats, guys.
Lou: I'm just glad your father's not around to see this.
Angel: Don't make me move you.
Wesley: Give him the book, Cordelia. Just give him the damn thing, let him get the hell out.
Cordelia: Here! I don't even know what you are anymore.
Angel: I'm a vampire, look it up.
Lilah: Stake the bitch!
Angel: In the larger sense, I really don't give a crap.
Holland: Now, I don't think that's true. Be honest. You've got the tiniest bit of 'give a crap' left.
Wesley: Things will pick up, they're bound to.
Cordelia: Yeah, it's LA. The evils probably just tied up in traffic or something.
Gunn: Well, you'll let me know when it gets here, right?
Lilah: I dug up everything I could find on the last seventy-five year review. It's all in there. Makes the Christmas purge of '68 look like fun old times. Nearly half of mid-management was sacked. And Lindsey, they used real sacks.
Lilah: I heard, Henderson actually pulled her first born out of company day care and offered it up too. Brown-noser! My mother was right, I should've had children.
Angel: Blood sacrifices, black masses, totems... I don't know what it means, but it's happening all over town. I mean it could be a raising. But you know, I-I-I I don't know. I mean, the prayers, the rituals... they're to generic for that. Boiler plate. You know, they could be preparing the way for something.
Kate: And maybe they're just trying to make it rain.
The Host: Can you believe this? Not even ten o'clock and we've already run out of Yak's bile.
The Host: Now Angelcakes, you wouldn't appreciate it if I were to blab your personal stuff to every Tom, Dick and vampire that walked in the door, would you?
Angel: Is it bad?
The Host: Oy! I really can't divulge to you what I read in another being, but I can tell you what I overheard in the men's restroom.
The Host: I think the general angst is not so much about the review, but more about the reviewer. And, let's just say it ain't Rex Reed.
Angel: What is it?
The Host: It's evil... it's dark... it's merciless. Actually, now that I say it out loud, it sounds an awful lot like Rex, doesn't it?
The Host: Almost anything that can manifest, in order to move in this dimension, can be killed. Kinda the down side to bein' here. That, and the so called musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Wesley: Excuse me, that... that area is for employees only.
Angel: Yeah, you took all the books.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, you got the waffle iron!
Cordelia: What a jerk!
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: I mean, if it was anybody else, I'd just say, get laid already.
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: But no, not him. One decent Boff and he switches to evil psycho-vamp, which in a way would be better for everyone. Better for him, 'cause he'd get some, and better for us 'cause then we could stake him afterwards.
Wesley: Cordelia... ambulance.
Denver: To kill the Kleynach and get the ring, you need the glove.
Angel: Okay, now you're making this up.
Darla: That's right Angelus, go toward the bleeding mortal, cause that's smart.
Wesley: Well, I stood up to him, that's the important thing.
Virginia: But you couldn't have done it metaphorically, you know, with a stern word? You had to do it in the, 'I'm actually standing up now, and popping six stitches' way?
Lilah: You two stay close... Crap! I knew you guys were a waste of money.
Angel: I noticed you're not parking in the underground lot any more, Lilah.
Lilah: It's not safe.
Cordelia: Good evening. Anglmnop, Investigations. We help the helpless. How can we help you?
Wesley: What in God's name is Angl..mnop?
Cordelia: There are some names I'm not saying at the moment.
Wesley: You should get out yourself. You're young, single, it's a Friday night in the city of... anglmno.
Cordelia: Oh jeez, Wesley. Zippity-doo-dah, all right.
Reprise
Worshiper: Hey, that's our pre-blessed ceremonial dagger.
Angel: I'm just the type of guy who hates to see good blood go to waste!
Cordelia: Scam! The back of your kid's head was blinking!
Francine: This is ridiculous.
Cordelia: What do you mean? We didn't even charge you for the mandrake.
Francine: My husband says it's outrageous.
Wesley: Does he? And, just what would your husband consider a fair price for the removal of the third eye from the back of your child's head, Mrs. Sharp?
Wesley: Clearly, it's easier for the Sharp's to cast us as con artists, rather than accept the grim reality that Skilosh spawn nearly hatched full grown, out of their child's skull.
Lindsey: I'm gonna take a shower.
Darla: You always take a shower when you come back from that place. Don't know why, you're never dirty.
Lindsey: I'm always dirty.
Angel: I need more.
The Host: We all need more, darlin'.
Angel: More information.
The Host: What you need more of, is tether, 'cause you're about at the end of yours.
Angel: You're...
Holland: Holland Manners.
Angel: Not alive.
Holland: Oh no, I'm quite dead. Unfortunately, my contract with Wolfram and Hart extends well beyond that.
Holland: See, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there, why they wouldn't be people, they'd all be angels.
Darla: Don't play games with me.
Angel: I'm not playing, I just want to feel something besides the cold.
Angel: You know, I've, well, really, couldn't help but notice the goats. Yeah, a lot of goats. Goats, many. Those are some goats, guys.
Lou: I'm just glad your father's not around to see this.
Angel: Don't make me move you.
Wesley: Give him the book, Cordelia. Just give him the damn thing, let him get the hell out.
Cordelia: Here! I don't even know what you are anymore.
Angel: I'm a vampire, look it up.
Lilah: Stake the bitch!
Angel: In the larger sense, I really don't give a crap.
Holland: Now, I don't think that's true. Be honest. You've got the tiniest bit of 'give a crap' left.
Wesley: Things will pick up, they're bound to.
Cordelia: Yeah, it's LA. The evils probably just tied up in traffic or something.
Gunn: Well, you'll let me know when it gets here, right?
Lilah: I dug up everything I could find on the last seventy-five year review. It's all in there. Makes the Christmas purge of '68 look like fun old times. Nearly half of mid-management was sacked. And Lindsey, they used real sacks.
Lilah: I heard, Henderson actually pulled her first born out of company day care and offered it up too. Brown-noser! My mother was right, I should've had children.
Angel: Blood sacrifices, black masses, totems... I don't know what it means, but it's happening all over town. I mean it could be a raising. But you know, I-I-I I don't know. I mean, the prayers, the rituals... they're to generic for that. Boiler plate. You know, they could be preparing the way for something.
Kate: And maybe they're just trying to make it rain.
The Host: Can you believe this? Not even ten o'clock and we've already run out of Yak's bile.
The Host: Now Angelcakes, you wouldn't appreciate it if I were to blab your personal stuff to every Tom, Dick and vampire that walked in the door, would you?
Angel: Is it bad?
The Host: Oy! I really can't divulge to you what I read in another being, but I can tell you what I overheard in the men's restroom.
The Host: I think the general angst is not so much about the review, but more about the reviewer. And, let's just say it ain't Rex Reed.
Angel: What is it?
The Host: It's evil... it's dark... it's merciless. Actually, now that I say it out loud, it sounds an awful lot like Rex, doesn't it?
The Host: Almost anything that can manifest, in order to move in this dimension, can be killed. Kinda the down side to bein' here. That, and the so called musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Wesley: Excuse me, that... that area is for employees only.
Angel: Yeah, you took all the books.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, you got the waffle iron!
Cordelia: What a jerk!
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: I mean, if it was anybody else, I'd just say, get laid already.
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: But no, not him. One decent Boff and he switches to evil psycho-vamp, which in a way would be better for everyone. Better for him, 'cause he'd get some, and better for us 'cause then we could stake him afterwards.
Wesley: Cordelia... ambulance.
Denver: To kill the Kleynach and get the ring, you need the glove.
Angel: Okay, now you're making this up.
Darla: That's right Angelus, go toward the bleeding mortal, cause that's smart.
Wesley: Well, I stood up to him, that's the important thing.
Virginia: But you couldn't have done it metaphorically, you know, with a stern word? You had to do it in the, 'I'm actually standing up now, and popping six stitches' way?
Lilah: You two stay close... Crap! I knew you guys were a waste of money.
Angel: I noticed you're not parking in the underground lot any more, Lilah.
Lilah: It's not safe.
Cordelia: Good evening. Anglmnop, Investigations. We help the helpless. How can we help you?
Wesley: What in God's name is Angl..mnop?
Cordelia: There are some names I'm not saying at the moment.
Wesley: You should get out yourself. You're young, single, it's a Friday night in the city of... anglmno.
Cordelia: Oh jeez, Wesley. Zippity-doo-dah, all right.
Epiphany
Angel: It was perfect Darla. It was perfect despair and you were the reason, you've always been the reason. You were the thing that made me what I am. I thought that... if I could save you... then somehow, I could save myself. But, I was wrong and when I failed...
Darla: Stop it.
Angel: When I failed, you saved me. I have to thank you for that. You did me a favor tonight, now I'm going to do one for you. Get dressed and get out because the next time I see you, I will have to kill you.
The Host: Isn't this the sort of 'tude that got you where you are now? I think I'm speaking for everyone when I say... if all you're gonna do is switch back to brood mode, we'd rather have you evil, then at least, ... leather pants.
The Host: It's called a moment of clarity, my lamb, and you've just had one.
Angel: So, we are talking about the same Cordelia Chase, right?
Wesley: That's correct.
Angel: Knowing her...
Wesley: But you don't. You don't know her at all. For months now, you haven't cared to. Otherwise, you might have realized that our Cordelia has become a very solitary girl. She's not the vain, carefree creature she once was. Well, certainly not carefree. It's the visions, you see. Visions that were meant to guide you. You could turn away from them, she doesn't have that luxury. She knows and experiences the pain in this city and because of who she is, she feels compelled to do something about it. Its left her little time for anything else. You'd have known that, if you hadn't had your head firmly up your... place that isn't on top of your neck.
Kate: I'm very grateful. I never thought you'd come for me, but... I got cut a huge break and I believe... I don't know what I believe, but I have faith. I think maybe we're not alone in this.
Angel: Why?
Kate: Because I never invited youin.
Cordelia: I'm guessing, 'Hey, look behind you,' really not gonna work is it?
The Host: Jeez, keep your pants on. Well, I can see we're a little late with that advice.
The Host: You think you're the first guy who ever rolled over, saw what was lying next to him and went, "Gueeeeyah!"
Darla: You still have a soul. But we...
Angel: Yeah.
Darla: And you...
Angel: I know.
Darla: Then I.
Angel: Three times.
Darla: You're not evil. I-I don't understand. Was I... was it... not good? Well, I don't accept that. You cannot tell me that wasn't perfect. Not only have I been around for 400 years, but I used to do this professionally, and that was perfect. We'll go again!
Angel: No No No.
Gunn: So, you had an epiphany, did you?
Angel: Yeah.
Gunn: So, what? You just wake up and bang?
Angel: It was sort of the other way around.
Angel: Probably should have killed her.
The Host: Eh, kill her, give her cab fare, whatever. The point is, you've turned a corner. Well, yay you. Zuzu's petals, it's about time. Between you and me, if it had taken you much longer to hit your bottom, I was gonna kick it.
Wesley: Yes. No. Absolutely. I invite you in. In, I invite you.
Angel: Actually, it's kind of funny. I-I recently got a, ah, gut wound myself. Not-Not a gun shot like you got there, but uh, it uh,.. It's kind of a ... antique... sword... is what it was. Went deep. Yes it did. Hey, guess who stabbed me?
Wesley: Darla.
Angel: Yeah. Actually kind of a funny story. I mean, the whole reason I had this epiphany was... All right, so why don't you tell me about these Skilosh demons?
Cordelia: Listen, I've been impregnated by demon spawn before. Let's just say, didn't really work out.
Gunn: C'mon English, you know you're my man!
Angel: So, ah... I see you guys have bonded.
Gunn: It happens when you fight shoulder to shoulder.
Wesley: Or rather hip to shoulder these days.
Gunn: This man took a bullit for me.
Wesley: Ah, it was nothing.
Gunn: So, what's he doin' here?
Angel: Went and saw The Host at Caritas, said my friends were in danger.
Gunn: So, what's he doin' here?
Wesley: He had an epiphany.
Gunn: Ahhh.
Gunn: Where's Cordy?
Wesley: We don't know, not here.
Gunn: You checked her pad?
Angel: I stopped by there earlier.
Gunn: You enjoyin' your visit to 1973? I meant her message pad.
Angel: Oh, right, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah. Ah, here use this, you can make a rubbing of the impressions she left. See what the last thing was that she wrote.
Gunn: Or, we could just read the carbon.
Angel: Or, you could just do that.
Angel: Guys, guys. D-D-Does it make sense that she would go there in the middle of the night without calling either of you?
Gunn & Wes: They owe us money.
Angel: Let's go.
Kate: Yikes, it sounds like you've had an epiphany.
Angel: I keep saying that but nobody's listening.
Disharmony
Wesley: ...Engage your co-workers from time to time. Be sensitive to their feelings, their opinions. Especially before you take some action one might construe as, oh, let's just call it: insane? Goes a long way to show you respect and appreciate them. This is torture for you, isn't it?
Angel: Yes.
Wesley: Good. I think that's all for now
Wesley: And I'd love a cup of coffee.
Angel: Very funny.
Cordelia: Two sugars in mine.
Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch.
Angel: Uh--
Cordelia: Don't.
Angel: Don't--?
Cordelia: You're gonna start trying to make small talk. Get all stammery. Don't. You might strain something.
Cordelia: Okay, you wanna know how I am? Tired, mostly. With "sweaty" running a close second. But, truthfully, I'm also jazzed. Can't wait to get our business up and sputtering again. Ready to help those helpless... But, just so we understand each other...You and I? We're not friends.
Cordelia: Whoa. Big bird.
Gunn: Bigbird?
Cordelia: Not the Muppet, dumbass...
Gunn: Cordelia said blue robes, didn't she?
Wesley: It's dark. Perhaps she was mistaken.
Angel: Hey, I think we should give her the benefit of the doubt before just condemning her like that, don't you?
Angel: I just thought... Well, she looked so tired. And that vision really took a lot out of her. And... You think maybe I should send her something? Flowers, maybe?
Wesley: Flowers?
Angel: Yeah. You know, to say "thanks." And "sorry about the migraines." You know... "I appreciate you."
Wesley: Yes, by all means. And while you're at it, pick me up one of those "SORRY YOU WERE SHOT IN THE GUT" bouquets!
Wesley: You can't buy back her trust, Angel. Or her affections.
Angel: She said... She said we're not friends, Wesley.
Willow: We are all clear on the fact that Harmony's a vampire, right?
Cordelia: Ohhh! Harmony's a vampire! That's why she-- Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. All this time I thought she'd become a great big lesbo...Oh, really?... Hey, that's... great. Good for you. That's, yeah... It's good.
Willow: Thanks for the affirmation, Cordelia.
Angel: Wes. You can't. Cordelia feels her friend doesn't post a threat. I think we should respect her wishes…I'm just saying...
Cordelia: Hey. I told you. Harmony's my friend. I trust her completely and with every fiber of my being. Harmony, you can stay here.
Harmony: I don't wanna stay here alone with a ghost.
Harmony: I mean, how do you stand everything? Being what you are. How can you deprive yourself of the taste... the sensation of rich, warm, human blood flowing into your mouth... Bathing your tongue... caressing your throat, with its sweet, sticky--
Gunn: I'm back!
Angel: Me too!
Wesley: It's all right to speak freely in front of her. She's a vampire.
Gunn: Don't we kill them anymore?
Cordelia: What do you think?
Host: I think your friend should reconsider the name "Harmony."
Gunn: Just so we're on the same page, when we find this vampire cult, we are gonna kill 'em, right?
Wesley: Angel...
Angel: It's your place to tell her.
Wesley: She's not listening to me.
Angel: Welcome to my world.
Angel: She doesn't have a soul.
Cordelia: Oh. That's it, isn't it? You're better than her because you have a soul.
Angel: Well... yeah.
Cordelia: And you didn't just betray me, Angel. You didn't just hurt me... You gave away my clothes!
Angel: To the needy...
Cordelia: I am the needy. Do you know how scared I was you were on your way to becoming Angelus again? Imagine what could've happened it you'd gone nuts and slept with Darla.
Angel: You know I would never do that.
Cordelia: Oh, my god! These are gorgeous! You have the most amazing taste! You have, like, a gay man's taste! And that's saying something. I love them so much!
Dead End
Nathan: I'll consider both options. And the current status of Angel?
Lindsey: Angel? - He's up, he's down. - He's good, he's bad. He's a barrel of dead monkeys...
Wesley: Go ahead. Probably best not to crowd her.
Angel: Me? You're the one in charge now.
Wesley: You're right. That's why I'm assigning this one to you.
Cordelia: You don't eat food.
Angel: Oh, I can. It doesn't keep me alive, but, you know, sometimes I get a hankering.
Cordelia: Soup and salad, too? What is going on here?
Angel: I forgot what you liked.
Cordelia: Why didn't you ask me?
Angel: Well, you said, why is everyone asking you if they can get you anything, and-and I didn't wanna do that...
Cordelia: So you did this - instead.
Angel: Yup.
Cordelia: I love you.
Cordelia: And you ought to do that more often.
Angel: Buy you food?
Cordelia: Smile.
Angel: There is only we can do now.
Cordelia: Oh, god. Oh, no.
Wesley: The Karaoke bar.
Gunn: Angel's gonna sing?
Cordelia: Isn't there some other way?
Wesley: There has to be. Think, damn it!
Angel: Hey!
Cordelia: You should pick something short.
Angel: I was thinking about Stairway to Heaven.
Wesley: Don't even joke about that.
Angel: What is that? Rock? Country? Ballad? Pick a style, pal.
Wesley: Shh.
Host: Angel cakes. Don't make me ask you to leave.
Lindsey: Look. I need help.
Angel: I'll say. You might want to start with his singing.
Cordelia: Hi. You probably don't remember me. Cordelia. I know you're evil - and everything, but that was just so amazing.
Gunn: That was kind of tight.
Wesley: Terrific, really.
Angel: Is everyone drunk?
Host: Two enemies, one case, all come together in a beautiful buddy-movie kind of way.
Gunn: They supposed to work together on this?
Lindsey: Work with him? Work with him?
Host: Am I the only one who saw 'Forty-eight Hours?'
Angel: You know, when I was in charge here, nobody questioned my methods or my singing.
Cordelia: You're half right.
Angel: Alright. I hired a private detective. He's got a friend on the force.
Wesley: We're supposed to be the private detectives.
Gunn: We are supposed to have a friend on the force.
Angel: We did, but she got fired. Get over it.
Lindsey: What are you doing here?!
Angel: Gee, I don't know, saving your life?
Lindsey: You got no business..! What-why aren't you trying to kill me?!
Angel: Excuse me. I'm on a case here, Lindsey. Does everything always have to be about killing you all the time?
Lindsey: That's my lead! You're choking my lead!
Angel: 'He's my lead! He's my lead!' What, are we on the schoolyard here? Look, if you wanna get to the bottom of this, you got to learn how to play with others.
Angel: The guy who's hand you're wearing. You might want to listen up.
Lindsey: You don't tell me what to do.
Angel: He's so immature.
Angel: Kill you? - Why would I kill you (morphs into vamp-face) when I could live off you for a month?
Angel: Hmm, can't you just taste that butter fat?
Lindsey: You are really gross, you know that?
Angel: You just keep on moping. You're good at that.
Lindsey: I've got these evil hand.
Angel: Good. I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here
Belonging
Cordelia: I feel a little guilty.
Angel: Don't. Nineteen dollars for a sashimi couscous appetizer is money well spent. This is your night. How is it anyway, pretty good? It oughta be pretty good...
Cordelia: It's delicious, but that's not what I feel guilty about.
Angel: Oh. I'm not cheap, I'm just old: I remember when a few bob got you a meal, a bottle and a tavern wench. You were saying?
Cordelia: Move! I think the sashimi's coming up.
Angel: They'll take that off the bill, right?
Cordelia: What are you doing here?
Angel: Getting a tan... not bursting into flames.
Angel: You want me to rip that guy's head off for you? 'Cause I could, you know. Really. I mean, actually rip his head right off his body. I can do that.
Angel: Mr. "Hey, I'm L.A. Director Shooting a Commercial, So I Must Be The Center Of The Universe" Guy. Like anyone who isn't making it in show business is just a step or ten down the food chain. I mean, hey, all we do is save the world, right? And the way he talks to Cordy, it's like she's a commodity, like she's his slave or something. And you know what the worst part is? She just took it. When was the last time Cordy took crap from any of us?
Gunn: Never and the day after never.
Angel: Exactly, plus, he's got her wearing this ridiculously flimsy swimsuit that covers... like nothing.
Angel: Not the Haklar. The Power Walkers. I mean, walking I get. But power walking? Why not just run for a shorter time? Weird.
Host: Landok? Is that you?
Angel: You know him?
Host: Just because I know his name doesn't mean you can't knock him unconscious. Please, continue.
Host: I prefer just "Lorne".
Angel: Lorne? As in... just... Lorne?
Host: Yes, Lorne. If you must. Though I generally don't go by that, because well-- Green.
Cordelia: Hunh?
Angel: Right. Lorne Greene. Come on. "Bonanza?" 15 years on the air not meaning anything here? Okay, now I feel old.
Landok: Then killing the Drokken will be most difficult. It is impervious to most wounds.
Angel: What if we chopped its head off?
Wesley: Or ran it through with a sword?
Angel: Or electrocuted him with, like a 50,000 volt charge?
Cordelia: Yeah, we've had a lot of luck with those things in the past.
Landok: The Drokken goes this way. The aura is strong. It's not far.
Host: What do you want? A medal?
Host: For the last time... not a coward. I just saw both sides of the joust. How are you supposed to joust someone when you partially agree with their point of view?
Angel: Where did the portal appear before?
Host: Right there. Talk about upstaging me
Over the Rainbow
Cordelia: Angel?…Wesley!…Mr. Green Mojo Guy's cousin?
Host: God, I wish I could get drunk.
Angel: I don't wanna research, all right? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia.
Wesley: We might never be able to get back!
Angel: It's Cordy.
Angel: What, is it out of batteries. Is the thing out of batteries?
Host: I don't know. I don't know how it works!
Angel: Dammit! I just got her back.
Wesley: It's cold.
Angel: What? Put on a sweater.
Wesley: No, no, the hot spot is cold.
Wesley: The hot spot is cold. That's why you couldn't open the second portal.
Angel: Huh. I was right. It was the batteries.
Host: Remember when I said I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, never gonna leave? Exactly which "never" did you not understand?
Aggie: Sometimes the journey is taken simply because it must be taken. That vague enough for ya?
Host: Is that what I sound like? Eeesh. No wonder people complain.
Wesley: I suppose I could try a binding spell of some kind, something to fuse us together when we enter the portal.
Angel: Good. Let's do that.
Wesley: However, we could emerge on the other side as a freakishly hybridized Siamese twin.
Angel: What, we handcuff ourselves together? Who do we know that has handcuffs?
Wesley: Well, I--wouldn't know, but anyway, I don't think handcuffs will work.
Angel: Lawyers. Don't you people sleep during the day?
Angel: I wanna go. Bad. Just waitin' for Wes to have that "eureka" moment.
Wesley: EUREKA!
Angel: Oh, thank God.
Host: You mean he actually says "eureka"?
Angel: Here? Isn't this a movie studio?
Host: Makes a certain kinda sense, no?
Angel: The sun! Daylight! Quick, somebody hand me a blanket -- hand me a blanket or I'll catch on fire! Why am I not on fire?
Angel: And I'm not on fire.
Wesley: And we're all together, too. We didn't even merge into a freakish four-man Siamese twin!
Gunn: That was a risk? How come nobody told me that was a risk?
Angel: Can everybody just notice how much fire I'm not on?
Angel: Let's start gathering branches, brush, anything that'll cover the car. Hey, look, there's some over in that patch of sun. I'll get 'em.
Angel: No problem here. Walkin' in the sun. Do it all the time.
Wesley: Yes, we're all heartily aware that you're not on fire.
Host: Just remember, keep your heads down. Xenophobia kind of a watchword where I'm from.
Gunn: I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I think she's kinda fly.
Wesley: Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners.
Gunn: Oh. Then can we pretend I didn't just say that?
Wesley: I used to be horrified by those stories about the Tower of London.
Angel: Wasn't that bad.
Host: Oh, am I glad to see you. And so much less dead than I expected.
Angel: What'd they do to you?
Host: Well, first there was the welcome home parade thrown in my honor--tickertape, streamers -- honestly, I was so touched, I almost wept. Locked me in a room, pushed me around, asked a bunch of questions--your standard film noir
Through the Looking Glass
Cordelia: Well, it's not like my throne couldn't use a few extra cushions, but I'm not really gonna complain because, well -- throne.
Host: See there? She had a vision. That explains it. Well, see, there's this prophecy...
Angel: A prophecy. Great. Because those always go well...
Cordelia: In kind of a hurry to get back to the Cordelia's-not-a-princess-dimension, aren'tcha?
Angel: Okay. This is because of going through the portal, right?
Cordelia: Huh? No. It always looks like that.
Angel: No, I mean why didn't anyone tell me?
Cordelia: What? It looks good.
Angel: You're not just saying that?
Host: Ho, ho, ho! Back up! You want me to talk to my family? On purpose?
Wesley: It's that, or face the possibility of never getting back to our dimension.
Host: Come on, gorgeous. You can stare at yourself in my grandmother's glass eye. Oh, and while we're here, it's just "Lorne," okay? To the people of Pylea, a "host" is just one more thing to lay your eggs in.
Angel: Yeah, yeah, fine. Can we get my coat?
Angel: ... and then, WHACK! I chopped off the evil lawyer beast's hand and he screamed and screamed, and then I left.
Host: Well! You're a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren'tcha?
Cordelia: If you ever figure out how to get us out of here, I want you to find me a dimension where some demon doesn't want to impregnate me with its spawn! I mean, is that just too much to ask?
Cordelia: What is it about me, anyway? Do I put out some kind of Com-Shuk-me vibe? You'd tell me, right?
Angel: Oh, Cordelia! No, she's fine. They made her a princess.
Fred: They -- Really? Oh. When I got here they, they... didn't do that. Made me more of a, of a slave, really. Well that's... nice for her.
Host: Not as good as you, obviously... Should I call them back? You could borrow the cuffs.
There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb
Cordelia: No, no, I like the filthy head-- that is, I need to defile it more. I will keep it to spit upon and when I tire of that I will make it into a planter -- a traitor planter for all to see! Or maybe a candy dish.
Host: Oh I'm sure it must be, and after all I only LOST MY HEAD! Or, technically, my body.
Gunn: We die horribly and painfully, you go to hell and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.
Wesley: Oh.
Fred: I've been trying to make an enchilada out of tree bark...
Angel: Bark enchilada? How's that going?
Fred: There's work to be done.
Fred: They're not words. They're consonant representations of a mathematical transfiguration formula.
Angel: Well obviously...
Rebel: Five cheers for the other-worlders.
Wesley: Oooo, in this world you get five.
Cordelia: Boy that looks a lot like your suit.
Host: It is my suit, you think they have French Viscose in this hell hole? Why am I still alive? Once they chop you up, it's over. I'm looking at pieces of myself, it's over... Wait a minute, since when do I have five toes?
Cordelia: Do you mind if I hit him over the head with you?
Host: Yes.
Wesley: Why do people keep putting me in charge of things?
Gunn: I have no idea.
Angel: I don't actually know how to get there.
Fred: Oh, I can show you.
Gunn: He's Angel, he does that --how'd she do that?
Angel: She's Fred, she does that, too.
Angel: He was…
Gunn: Yeah…
Wesley: Mmm…
Host: That's it? Where's the praising and extolling of my virtues? Where's the love?
Angel: When I fired you guys, the reason I... the darkness was coming out in me, I didn't want you near it. The thing that comes out here is ten times worse.
Angel: I challenge the Groosalugg to mortal combat. Come out and face me, you spineless coward!
Fred: Ooo, why'd you add that coward thing, that's just gonna piss him off.
Angel: All right, what part of my being all noble here didn't get through?
Cordelia: Stop! Stop the fight! Don't hurt him, I love him, I LOVE HIM!
Angel: You love me?
Cordelia: Not you, dumbass, HIM! I love him!
Angel: Oh.
Angel: But you love me too, right?
Cordelia: Are you all right? Did he hurt you?
Angel: As a friend and co-worker...
Cordelia: What did he do to you? Let's get some bandages over here, people!
Angel: Maybe love is too strong a term.
Host: Good as new -- although I seem to have put on about a hundred and fifty eight pounds.
Angel: Isn't there something you want to say to your mother?
Host: "May you burn in Tarkna?"
Angel: Come on, she's not so bad, she didn't store your body on the maggot heap like you thought she would, did she?
Host: Bye Mom, thanks for storing my body on the lice pile instead of the maggot heap.
Angel: Every family's got its problems.
Mother: Numfar, do the dance of shame!
Angel: Yours more than most.
Host: I had to come back here to find out I didn't have to come back here, I don't belong here, I hate it here. You know where I belong? L.A. You know why? Nobody belongs there, it's the perfect place for guys like us.
Angel: That's kinda beautiful.
Host: Ain't it?
Wesley: Should people be kneeling in a free society?
Cordelia: These things take time.
Angel: Willow?
Cordelia: Hi. What's...
Angel: It's Buffy...
