Computers act in harmony with certain special force fields.

These fields include:

The document importance field

The human presence field

The File Transfer Field

The X - field

Unit of measurement: Decible (This is because it has been scientifically proven that the number of decibles measured in the users voice as he/she screams at the printer, is exactly equal to any measurement of the magnitude of this field).

This particular field is the energy field created by a printer just as it activates. It interacts with and works hand in hand with the Human Presence Field. When the computer is instructed to print a document, the strength of the document importance field will vary inversely with both the time available for the particular printing, and the overall patience of both the users and his/her coworkers and that of the boss.

As the paper enters the spool, on its way to be printed, the document importance field will act upon it, and depending on its strength, will cause the paper to have certain odd and bizarre properties. For example, the paper will suddenly shift and enter the printer on an angle at or above ten degrees to the spool.

The DIF can also effect the minds of other users. For example, if the field is very strong and the Human Presence Field is very weak, another user is extremely likely to utter the words "What's this do?"

Unit of Measurement: PSI(This is due to the fact that the field's magnitude is exactly equal to the user's blood pressure).

The Human Presence Field is generated by a user, as he/she stands near the printer, as it prints. When the field is strongest, it almost totally cancels out the Document Importance Field. However, if it is at any magnitude below that, like at 9000 PSI, the Document Importance field will increase. It is not known by how much, though.

The Human Presence Field varies directly with the distance the user is away from the computer which is printing his/her document. If the user goes outside a radius of 5 feet of the computer, the HPF will drop to a negetive magnitude. This is when the DIF will become the dominant field, and other users's IQs will drop to the exact same value of the magnitude of the HPF. This will result in accidents such as spills, people tripping on the cord and killing the power to the computer, and games of solitaire.

Unit Of Measurement: KpS (This is due to the fact that the field works in direct proportion to the file transfer).

The file transfer field works in a very predictable way. If the file you are attempting to download is said to be free, or if it is exactly what you were looking for, the field will increase to an infinite, and therefore undefined magnitude. This is due to the fact that nobody's ever downloaded anything with an infinite download speed.

The FTF also effects the IQs of other users, resulting in the same effects as the DIF. The only difference between this field and the DIF is the fact that it does not work in partnership with the HPF. The FTF is capable of affecting IQs and things of that nature on its own.

The FTF has strange effects on files. For example, if you are downloading a zipped file, it will cause very minute rearrangements in the zip's structure.

One final note on the FTF: It is nonexistant if the file being downloaded is infected by a virus.

Unit Of Measurement: Unknown

The matter of just what exactly the X - Field is has been under intense debate for some time now. Some have put forward the idea that it is not a field at all, but a living being of energy. This researcher agrees with that theory, and so will write about the XF in that light.

The XF is the thing which acts upon any computer during startup, shutdown, and any other time in between. It is the mysterious entity which causes most computer crashes, other than the ones mentioned above. Once the computer has been turned on, the XF will dilligently search the computer for anything it can use to its advantage. It also has a bit of a sense of suspense, as you never know quite when it will act and pop up and say hi.

The XF is especially prevelant in computers with Microsoft products installed. This is why many field researchers, this one included, have begun to refer to the field as Windows 98.