Fondue

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Like that other great Swiss invention, the Cuckoo Clock, fondue wasn't actually invented in Switzerland, but in the Savoy region of France. As with most traditional Swiss cuisine, it's simple and filling and designed to be knocked up with the minimum of effort in a farmhouse kitchen.

To make a classic fondue, you need
- A big pot, called a caquelon (although a normal saucepan will do)
- Assorted Swiss cheese, about 200 g per person
- Some white wine, about 100 cc per person
- Some starch, garlic, onion, pepper, nutmeg, etc
Simply melt the cheese in the caquelon, add the rest of the ingredients, mix it all up and leave the saucepan to simmer over a small oil heater, or rechaud, in the centre of the table. Adjust the heat so that the cheese mixture is just lazily bubbling, like a swamp in a horror movie. Then put a pile of bread cubes (about ½ inch square) on everybody's plate, along with a glass of schnapps, and off you go. Skewer one of the bread cubes on a fork (you can buy special fondue forks -with longer prongs - but a normal fork is OK) and dip it first in the schnapps and then in the molten cheese. With any luck the cheese should stick to your bread and you can then pop the whole lot into your mouth.

There are some variants; you can mix tomato with the cheese to make a tomato fondue, you can use boiled potatoes instead of bread (potato fondue) or you can fill the caquelon with cooking oil, put thin slices of meat on your fork and then place them to cook in the oil (chinese fondue, and no, no-one can tell you why.) When the Swiss feel like being a little sinful, they treat themselves to a chocolate fondue, in which the caquelon is filled with molten chocolate and juicy bits of fruit are placed on the forks.

Fondue is enjoyed in Switzerland as much as a social occasion as a culinary experience. By its very nature it encourages a group of people to sit around a big pot in the middle of the table and be sociable with one another. The fact that this mainly consists of laughing at people when their bit of bread gets lost in the cheese swamp is besides the point. (For hardcore fondue eaters, losing one's bread is a serious faux pas, and quite rightly requires the culprit to pay the forfeit of buying the next round of drinks.)

Maybe it's that the Swiss aren't terribly good at advertising (when the Swiss Cheese Manufacturer's Union decided to come up with a slogan to persuade people to eat more fondue, the best they could come up with was "Fondue is good, and it puts you in a good mood", but fondue hasn't really caught on anywhere else. This researcher remembers, whilst growing up in England in the 1970's, that one of the prizes available every week on a popular TV quiz show (The Generation Game!!) was a fondue set. The implication was that this 'Fondue' must be the last word in London sophistication, as he didn't know anyone who'd ever "fondued". It's practically certain that fondue hasn't got a chance of catching on in the States, as its basic principle means there's always a remote chance that you'll end up eating a trace of your neighbour's saliva, transferred from his mouth to his fork to the caquelon. :-(

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