Pornography
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Pornography is always found in one of three natural habitats:
(1) On the top shelf of your local family newsagents
(2) Cunningly hidden under a teenage boy's mattress
(3) Cunningly hidden in a supposedly grown man's tool shed
Nobody has ever reported seeing it anywhere else, and when confronted by a livid mother, girlfriend or wife, nobody admits knowing how it got there in the first place.
This forms part of a thesis on the feasibility on matter transportation. This would involve attaching yourself to a copy of Razzle, or whatever, and waiting to be transported under a fifteen year old's bed1.
It can be extended to a mass transit system, where people are strapped to a gigantic copy of Hustler on a 10 metre wide shelf 20 metres off the ground, and having destination stations under building sized double sprung mattresses.
The current hypothesis is that the magazine decomposes into invisible elementary particles (dubbed 'pornions') which only recompose into matter at the destination site. However, the originators have been unable to obtain funding from any reputable educational institution2.
1However, there is a corollary which states that this can only happen at the end of the week, when his Mum gives him his pocket money.2At least, not yet.
