By signing this document, you give The Shadow Council full rights and priveleges to torture you in any way they see fit. This includes but is by no means limited to: removal of fingernails, drawing blood, hair-pulling, over-exposure to Teletubbies, baking in the ovens of Hell, dipping in lava, lighting on fire for no reason other than their sadistic glee, nightmares, Chinese water torture, target practice, explosive testing, shackled to caves, hung by feet, hung by neck, hung by arms, drowning, drawing and quartering, decapitation, dissection, mastication, dropping off cliffs, devouring, throwing, feeding pets, pulled muscles, ripped limbs, splintered bones, skinned body, heart removal, castration and eternal damnation. You take full responsibility for any form of injury or death on your part, and, should you die, the Shadow Council has rights to your soul. All damages must be paid by the torturee. If you in any way harm any member of the Shadow Council you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. This offer is not void where prohibited.

Torturer's Signature: