h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just thinking about her makes me nauseous!

I really have to agree with you. What is it with her lips? Has she had surgery or something. And there is no way that girl is an angel.

Voice of an angel, mind of a criminal genius. See also: Aled Jones.

Yeah but at least Aled's voice broke - this one is going to be around forever.

Not if we break it for her! *magically produces sledgehammer out of thin air*

Hurrah - I will hold her down and you can get to work!

Hang on, I'm not sure about this... doesn't it say something in the terms and conditions about not inciting violence against individuals?

Probably knowing my luck. Sorry sorry sorry didn't mean it Charlotte - love you really.

Mind you, after what we did to Noel Edmonds, the sledgehammer seems pretty tame.

Yes but I have already made an enemy of Mark Moxon thanks to what he percieved as criticism of the editorial policy so I don't want to push my luck. Plus Noel doesn't count as an individual - that beard is a whole eco-system in its self.

Criticism of the editorial policy? Surely not! I'm perfectly happy to have my entries sitting around for three months without so much as a glance, never mind a rejection. I'm sure the same goes for you.

Well exactly and it was only a throw away line to start a conversation about how brief the bit on Stoke on Trent was and then I get all this grief about how it cannot contain everything and how most readers are satisfied!

Ooooooooooooooooooh! Touchy!

Seeing that name suddenly unblocked some deeply buried memories from a few days ago...

Aled Jones has just released a duet, with HIMSELF.

He is mugging along to the high-pitched squeaky Aled of several decades back, adding a tenor part (well, I couldn't listen to much so that's a guess) in a really cheesy video.

My skin has left the building

(You don't want to see what it did when the vid was actually on)

Freud would have a field day with that - so what is the video like?

*Picks up sledgehammer* I'm gonna go bag me an ALED!!!

Why chase foxes when there are far more fitting creatures to rip apart.

I suppose if dear Charlotte were to "accidentally" fall under a sixteen ton weight, it would at least save her the embarrasment of duetting with herself in ten years' time.

Imagine a nice bit of countryside - grass, trees, birds singing, a canal, little Welsh git with neat hair and anal jumper.

Little Welsh git not singing, just wandering around staring over the hills on a soft-focus camera. (High-pitched wailing)

Cut to ugly twenty-something, spots, face you could kick, grinning and moaning and looking like someone's shoving a microphone up his arse (in a manner that excites his prostate), singing along to wailing noise.

Sorry, singing? Singing doesn't often cause eardrums to bleed.

Cut back to soft focus little git, back to ugly spud man (who is now really hamming up the effort he's putting into a not-very-difficult piece to sing)

Run to toilet, lift seat, evacuate stomach

And they make you listen to this as part of your job? I think you might have grounds to sue.