Our Ref: OA/0304/001

Mr. Mohammed Al Fayed

Fulham Football Club

Craven Cottage

London SW6

13 May 2003

Dear Mr. Al Fayed,

Managerial Vacancy

I was sorry to hear that you have decided to give to Mr. Tigana the Spanish Archer (el bow).

Thus, I understand that if Chris Coleman fails to cut the mustard, then you may be in the market for another caretaker manager. In this regard, I would like to be considered for the position.

For your information, I began my managerial career with fledgling club PSV Organcheese whom I took to the very brink of success in the Legendary Stuart Dawson Sweet F.A. Cup in our debut season, 1995-96, losing in the final. During 1996-97, I was the e-telegraph's Manager of the Month once and achieved three more podium finishes. My midweek team also won the AWJV League by a country mile.

Since then, I have taken two exploratory sabbaticals into the esoteric world of rugby union where blatant obstruction, hand-ball and on-the-field violence are inexplicably encouraged as part of the game, but where my inherent tactical awareness and human-resource management skills were rewarded with back-to-back success in both the Sky Sports World Cup and the SASI Super 12.

I have also worked in a managerial capacity directly under the influence of his Excellency, Mr. Thuso Dikgaka, CEO of the Botswana Football Association (The Zebras), who I am sure would be more than delighted to give me a reference if so requested.

With regard to my caretaking experience, I spent my Saturday afternoons between 1982 and 1984 as an apprentice sweeper with Boots the Chemist, purveyors of pharmaceutical products, where my skills in the custodial arts resulted in a rapid informal promotion to de facto manager of the stockroom.

Currently, as well as managing Organcheese Academicals, I am acting as part-time advisor (unpaid) to Mr. Sven-Göran Eriksson (England coach). I am confident that Mr. Eriksson will gladly confirm my role in England's qualification to the finals in 2002.

Thus then, I shall look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Dr. Montague Trout

Manager - Organcheese Academicals