Are you sitting in a restaurant waiting for your meal and wondering how to impress your children? That's lucky, then, because this Entry is for you.

• You will need a cloth napkin. Oh, look, they've left one for you on the table. They must have known! Open it out fully. You may need to push all the plates and other extraneous stuff to one side. Place the napkin with one edge parallel to the edge of the table.

• Start to roll the edge (of the napkin, not the table) nearest you to the middle of the napkin. The roll doesn't need to be too tight, as you'll need to put your finger in it later. Stop at the middle. Turn the napkin around 180° and roll the edge nearest you to meet the roll you made earlier, in the middle.

  It doesn't look like a dead chicken yet, does it? Good, feel reassured.

• Take the left and right ends of the rolls and fold them upwards so that all four rolled ends are together.

• Place your finger and thumb of one hand in the rear two roll ends and the other finger and thumb in the front two rolled ends. Yes, you now have mixed the ends. Fish around to find the corner bits in the centre of the rolls - you may need to use your chest as another surface to aid your grip.

• Bring your thumb and forefinger of each hand together gripping the pair of corners in each. Pull your hands away from each other, pulling the corners out of the rolls in the process. It will look like you are turning the whole thing inside out. Keep pulling until you can't pull any more.

Now hold it up and voila, your family will see you have turned it into a dead chicken, as bought in any high street butcher's shop - but without the calorific value or giblets.

If it doesn't work, you have clearly not read these instructions correctly. Laugh out loud and wipe the perspiration off your forehead with the crumpled napkin as if that's all you were going to do all the time.

This is suitable for vegetarians and others who would not normally fondle dead meat.