Worried about open flies or wandering décolletage? There are far worse things that can happen in your fancy clothes.
Wardrobe Malfunctions: Answers
Here are the horrible fates of fashion victims. These are just the ones we know about, so if you have others, let us know.
What horrible consequence(s) resulted from. . .
- Tin buttons in 1812? A lot of dead Napoleonic soldiers. Russian campaign, extremely cold weather, cheap tin buttons that shattered=exposed flesh. War is hell.
- Corsets in the 19th/early 20th centuries? What didn't happen because of corsets? In 1874, a journal listed 97 different problems caused by corsets, including breathing difficulties, displaced internal organs, fainting, and death from impalement by corset stays. Use with caution, reenactors.
- Crinolines? Fire, mostly. Quite a few women died when their huge dresses got too close to the open fires that were in almost every room of the house. Who thought walking around in a panto costume near all those open flames was a good idea?
- Stiff (detachable) shirt collars? Choking. Particularly when drunk, Victorian men who fell asleep sitting up risked suffocation and death from the tight collars the Germans called Vatermörder.
- Working as a milliner (hat-maker)? Tremors, mood disorders, neurological problems. Mad Hatter disease was caused by mercury poisoning. This is why we have occupational health agencies now.
- Platform shoes? Broken ankles from falling off. This problem is not new: platform shoes go back quite a few centuries.
- High heels? Well, there have been those people (not just women) who've had toes amputated to fit into their shoes. . . not just for Cinderella, and unfortunately not a myth. Less drastically, they can cause hammertoes and bunions. (Don't get us started on cobblestones. . . )
- Shapewear? Compressed nerves, anyone?
- Earrings? Believe it or not, there are people who have had to get reconstructive surgery on their earlobes. . .
- Skinny jeans? Meralgia paresthetica, a neurological condition that causes tingling, numbness, or pain. Then there's compartment syndrome, which can lead to amputations. . . better to sacrifice the fashion.
See? All that high fashion can be hazardous to your health. Do like the Post Editor, and be slovenly, comfortable, and safe..