Roof boxes - buying, fitting and merits
Created | Updated Jul 9, 2003
Roof boxes are the modern equivalent of the roof rack. Visually they resemble upturned boats and are attached to car or van roofs via roof bars. Selecting and assembling the roof bars is some what a kin to flat pack furniture assembly, notably the instuctions have been translated by a swedish 2nd year english student using a swedish/japanise and a japanise/english dictionary.
Here is the process which must be followed to aquire and fit the said item.
1) Go to Halfords
2) Select box N.B. Involves argueing with children re:colour/size/shape/coolness factor/price
3) Discover Sports Coupe short roofs require special roof bars
4) Drive 30 miles to the nearest Halfords with the relevant bits in stock
5) Buy roof bars, bits etc
6) Discover this Halfords hasnt got the box you want
7) Drive back to orginal Halfords
8) Realise you can't get the box into the car with two children in the back.
9) Decide to fix roof bars on the car park
10) Attract large crowd
11) Open all boxes of roof bar bits
12) Read instuctions...
13) PANIC!!!!
14) Go back into Halfords and hand over 15 quid for the 12 year old
assistant to fit bars/short roof extension kit/box etc
15) Take kids to the nearest Mcdonalds to wait for box to be fitted
Things to check/consider prior to the above being undertaken.
a) Discover if your brother-in-law/friend/aunt/etc has a roof box, thereby negating the cost
b) with the roof box fitted your car will have:
i no downforce when cornering
ii the acceleration of a dead sheep
iii a tendancy to feel as though it it going to roll over even at low speeds
c) for the price you paid, you could have individually wrapped the box's contents in shiney wrapping paper and have sent it to your destination by 1st class post
