The Adventures of Marthum
Created | Updated Apr 9, 2005
Marthum Devereau was a quite disapointed twenty-ounce bottle of Mountain Dew. From the day the life-liquid was poured into him, he had high hopes of a grand life and they were immediately crushed by a constricting cap screwed tightly onto his head. From then on, much of his life consisted of sitting in storage rooms, and then a truck, and then he found himself in a rather nice-looking home. It was a machine filled with many of his brothers and cousins and even some bottles containing a liquid he never would have imagined could exist.
The contents of the machine were wonderful, but the make of the machine was even greater. He had heard stories of some machines that were very metalic and clunky. Where you had to lay over other bottles and then have other bottles crush you from the top. This one, however, stood you up vertically and put you on display through a clear plexiglas for the gigantic beings that would push buttons on the machine to get you to fall into an area at the bottom that closed up when you fell in and suddenly you were outside, in the hands of the giant.
It wasn't long, of course, until he started hearing rumours about what happened when you were free from the machine and in the hands of a giant, who usually looked quite happy to have you. He had heard it was a wonderful bit of existance. He heard it was better than even having the life liquid poured into your empty plastic shell. He heard that the fall from your row was exhilerating and when he saw his brothers before him start to move he got very excited.
Patrick, Yana, Borthmoth, Tenza - all these and more, one by one, fell from their rows until, finally, Marthum was at the forefront. He stared in awe down at the dropping chamber. They were at a decent, like two valleys, one taking up one third of the chamber and the other taking the other two thirds. He supposed that at the bottom of the valleys were where the giants could get to in order to usher him into his new life. Proudly, he stood at the edge of his row, waiting.
Beside him, another brother yelled in euphoria as he dove into the dropping chamber. Later on, a cousin from up higher did the same. Later another cousin. And then another brother. And then a stranger. And then another stranger. Suddenly, Marthum was feeling like he might never be picked. But then, his giant came. Hoping beyond hope, he stood at attention and tried his best to catch the eye of this curly-haired giant. The giant reached for the buttons and without warning the device to the right of Marthum released him and he screamed at the top of his lungs as he fell and fell and fell and finally landed in the middle of the two valleys.
He was caught on the top of the hill, still standing vertically. He struggled to fall over into the valley, but couldn't. The door that opened in order for the giant to get to him couldn't open because he was right there in the way. The giant evidently thought that the more he banged on the door the better chance he had of his Mountain Dew falling into the valley. Marthum hoped beyond hope that this was true, but the only thing that banging on the door provided was a sharp pain as it crushed Marthum into the back of the chamber. The gaint banged on the door over and over and over and Marthum kept on getting hit and never fell into the valley. At this point he didn't care where the giant could take him, he just wanted the giant to stop hitting the door.
Finally, the giant went away. He hadn't noticed before, but the machine was beeping. He looked up and through a crack in the machine could see that some lights were blinking. He supposed this was to inform any passing giant that there was a bottle stuck on the bottom waiting to come out. But, frankly, Marthum had given up all hope of ever getting out. He was trapped. And nothing could bring him free.
After a while, the same giant came back again. Marthum cringed to think that the whole thing was starting over again, but he was intrigued to see that the giant had brought with him a stick. He poked the stick through the bottom of the door and shoved Marthum into the valley. He was free! The giant grabbed at the bottle of Mountain Dew and Marthum rejoiced! Finally he was going to be brought to his final resting place! He was going to live forever in the unimaginable reaches of uncharted happiness!
He was quite surprised when the giant took off his cap. That felt rather good, actually. He smiled and breathed in the cool air. He was quite surprised again when the giant started drinking his life liquid. So surprised, in fact, that he died.
--
Steve Beaudry was a quite disapointed six-foot-two body of humanity. First his Mountain Dew got stuck in the machine, then, after all the trouble of getting it out, he looked under the cap and found that he hadn't won a damn thing. At least he had his Dew.
The contents of the machine were wonderful, but the make of the machine was even greater. He had heard stories of some machines that were very metalic and clunky. Where you had to lay over other bottles and then have other bottles crush you from the top. This one, however, stood you up vertically and put you on display through a clear plexiglas for the gigantic beings that would push buttons on the machine to get you to fall into an area at the bottom that closed up when you fell in and suddenly you were outside, in the hands of the giant.
It wasn't long, of course, until he started hearing rumours about what happened when you were free from the machine and in the hands of a giant, who usually looked quite happy to have you. He had heard it was a wonderful bit of existance. He heard it was better than even having the life liquid poured into your empty plastic shell. He heard that the fall from your row was exhilerating and when he saw his brothers before him start to move he got very excited.
Patrick, Yana, Borthmoth, Tenza - all these and more, one by one, fell from their rows until, finally, Marthum was at the forefront. He stared in awe down at the dropping chamber. They were at a decent, like two valleys, one taking up one third of the chamber and the other taking the other two thirds. He supposed that at the bottom of the valleys were where the giants could get to in order to usher him into his new life. Proudly, he stood at the edge of his row, waiting.
Beside him, another brother yelled in euphoria as he dove into the dropping chamber. Later on, a cousin from up higher did the same. Later another cousin. And then another brother. And then a stranger. And then another stranger. Suddenly, Marthum was feeling like he might never be picked. But then, his giant came. Hoping beyond hope, he stood at attention and tried his best to catch the eye of this curly-haired giant. The giant reached for the buttons and without warning the device to the right of Marthum released him and he screamed at the top of his lungs as he fell and fell and fell and finally landed in the middle of the two valleys.
He was caught on the top of the hill, still standing vertically. He struggled to fall over into the valley, but couldn't. The door that opened in order for the giant to get to him couldn't open because he was right there in the way. The giant evidently thought that the more he banged on the door the better chance he had of his Mountain Dew falling into the valley. Marthum hoped beyond hope that this was true, but the only thing that banging on the door provided was a sharp pain as it crushed Marthum into the back of the chamber. The gaint banged on the door over and over and over and Marthum kept on getting hit and never fell into the valley. At this point he didn't care where the giant could take him, he just wanted the giant to stop hitting the door.
Finally, the giant went away. He hadn't noticed before, but the machine was beeping. He looked up and through a crack in the machine could see that some lights were blinking. He supposed this was to inform any passing giant that there was a bottle stuck on the bottom waiting to come out. But, frankly, Marthum had given up all hope of ever getting out. He was trapped. And nothing could bring him free.
After a while, the same giant came back again. Marthum cringed to think that the whole thing was starting over again, but he was intrigued to see that the giant had brought with him a stick. He poked the stick through the bottom of the door and shoved Marthum into the valley. He was free! The giant grabbed at the bottle of Mountain Dew and Marthum rejoiced! Finally he was going to be brought to his final resting place! He was going to live forever in the unimaginable reaches of uncharted happiness!
He was quite surprised when the giant took off his cap. That felt rather good, actually. He smiled and breathed in the cool air. He was quite surprised again when the giant started drinking his life liquid. So surprised, in fact, that he died.
--
Steve Beaudry was a quite disapointed six-foot-two body of humanity. First his Mountain Dew got stuck in the machine, then, after all the trouble of getting it out, he looked under the cap and found that he hadn't won a damn thing. At least he had his Dew.
