...Work in progress...

What do you mean he don't eat no meat?

Oh, that's okay. I make lamb.
- Aunt Voula, My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Like certain other places in Eastern Europe, Novi Sad, the capital city of the semi-autonomous province of Vojvodina, in the north of Serbia, is not necessarily the destination of choice for faint-hearted vegetarians. Depending partially on the time of year, the people you meat (sic) are likely to assume you are one of the following: a zealous animal rights activist, or a religious fasting person. Other types of vegetarianism are genuinely very rare in Serbia, and even if you do fall into one or both of the catergories above, considerable explanation may be required before you can convince your hosts that you really would prefer not to try the sarma* today, thank you very much.

This entry therefore aims to help non-native vegetarians in Serbia, and in particular in Novi Sad, to get the most out of their stay in this truly lovely part of the world, with practical advice for more permanent residents and casual visitors alike.

, or rather annoyingly, someone who mistakenly believes they do not like meat because they have never tried proper (ie Serbian) food before

An Awkward Guest

The Serbs, in general, are a very kind and generous people who take great pride and pleasure in acting as hosts. It is a matter of honour that when visitors come calling, no table can be big enough to hold the amounts of food served. Do not be fooled, there is quality here as well as quantity. Good advice for omnivores, carnivores and herbivores alike: no matter if it is Christmas, someone's birthday, the family's Slava (meaning Saint's Day), a graduation party, or just because it is the weekend, if you are invited around for some sort of celebration in Serbia, be prepared. Do not eat too much the day before, and just have a light breakfast and some coffee that morning.

There must be soup for starters, the local version of chicken and noodle being a most popular choice. There may be a fish dish next, to get the stomach juices flowing. Then the main course arrives, there may be sarma, or lamb chops, or a big rude-looking rolled up schnitzel. A whole suckling pig could very well grace the table at this point. There will also be huge bowls of salads, at least one for every expected guest (see below). Now imagine the scene:

Picture your proud hosts, beaming at you, their smiles fading as you explain that in actual fact, you do not eat meat. After their initial shock, they will perhaps recover, and all smiles again offer you the fish, but you do not eat fish. They are truly gracious hosts, and the salads are wonderful, but you feel dreadful, for you have disappointed them.

Backtracking slightly, if possible, you should of course have made every effort to inform your hosts in advance of your vegetarianism. Failure to do so is pretty bad etiquette the world over, but even if you have communicated your curious habits before hand, don't expect this to save you - instead, it is the other guests who will struggle to believe your disdain for all things pork-related, and wind up disappointed.

Social Embarassment

No matter how long you stay in Serbia, your vegetarianism will continue to blight you.

Phoenix from the flames

So how to recover from the potential embarassment of the scenario above? As a vegetarian guest in a Serbian household, or even a corporate event, there is just one way to save yourself: you must eat and drink everything else as if there is no tomorrow. Developing a taste for locally produced alchoholic beverages is essential. There is no social faux pas which can not be forgiven provided enough rakija is consumed. This generic term refers to a wide variety of brandies. Plum, apricot, peach, apple, grape, even honey. These delightful spirits may well have been distilled by your hosts or your host's best friend, and are most often served before and after meals. Showing a willingness to try these often delectable concoctions will do much to dissipate any meat-related tension, with the additional benefit of rewarding the discerning drinker with a truly delicious feeling of fuzziness and warmth.

Other local tipples, in decreasing order of alchohol content, include pelinkovac, a spicy, bitter liqueur with a very strong flavour, very many fine wines, much too numerous to list here, and a selection of beers brewed after the German style. Beer drinkers should be aware that like their German counterparts, the beers of Serbia tend to be considerably stronger than the lagers of the UK or the USA, and as such, should be treated with respect. Whilst a degree of merriment is expected on such occasions, becoming entirely inebriated would most likely be frowned upon; remember to drink plenty of water as well.

Paradaiz on Earth

Now for the good news: Vojvodina contains some of the most fertile land in Europe, most of which is devoted to agriculture. Whilst this does mean that areas of natural beauty are few and far betweem, the endless views of acres of soja and sunflowers and watermelons, and the smell of cabbage, are enough to bring tears to the eyes of even the most hardened of vegetarians. Welcome to seasonal fruit and vegetable heaven.

Whereas in the UK, it is almost impossible to buy grapes/peppers/watermelons with less air miles than Random Dent*, a discerning shopper in the markets of Novi Sad can pick up a pretty well-balanced, locally grown diet almost all year round, although in the winter months, it is possible to grow tired of spinach and potatoes. Speaking of potatoes, perhaps because of the wide variety of other plant species able to survive the long, beautiful hot summers and nutrient-rich well-irrigated soil, there are in fact only two types of humble spud on offer in most of Serbia - the red one and the white one, each sold in new and old varieties, depending on the time of year. For visitors from Ireland and the UK, this is disappointing perhaps, but really, there are plenty of other root vegetables available.

Meanwhile, there is one notable exception to the locally grown bounty on offer: although the much-loved fruit is ubiquitous in the shops and markets of Serbia, the awesome plant responsible for producing bananas requires mild conditions all year round to survive, and therefore can not be found in the fields of Vojvodina, where the winters are cold indeed.

Paradaiz is the serbian word for tomatoe, and Novi Sad means New Garden*.

Fast Food: Posno

In fact, there is even more good news: observent readers may have already deduced that like Greece, the dominant religion in Serbia is Orthodox Christianity. Exact styles of Orthodoxicity vary from country to country, but the important thing to know here is that at regular intervals throughout the year, Orthodox Serbs fast. The nature of their fast entrails (more sic) giving up all animal-related food products, and vegan food is therefore abundantly available at all food outlets, be they shops or restaraunts, during the following periods:

1. Christmas: xx Dec - 06 Jan
2. Easter: xx yyy - xx yyy
3. At some other point? Must get round to checking

Even vegetarians who are not lucky enough to be visiting Serbia at this time will be able to take advantage of this phenomea, as it affords them a simple method for ascertaining whether or not the cheese pie (see below) on the counter before them was fried in animal fat or sunflower oil:

Da li je posno? - Is it fast food (that is to say, vegan) ?

Posno is absolutely the most important word to learn for a vegetarian visiting Serbia*, so repeat after me: 'posno'. For the hard of hearing, 'pos' rhymes with loss and 'no' with so and sew and sow. The seeds. Not the female pigs who sound like cows. In practice, the 'da li je' bit will not be necessary, just point at the item of food in question, look confused, and say 'Posno?'.

Alcohol induces recklessness, impairs reaction times, and reduces muscle control.

Eating out

Guess what goes here

Fast

To mention: Forneti, Burek, good old topli sendvic, McPjole, the GreenHouse??

Slow

The better italian restaraunts, pohovani sir, pecurke

Stationary

The bloody service at Kuca Mala