h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is a chain letter I recieved on April 30th. The difference to other chain letters: It asked me not to forward any chain letters any more. Since it didn't make too much sense to me to forward THIS letter if it asked me NOT to forward chain letters, I decided to make it part of the Guide. Here it is:



THE SEVEN BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down)


Make a wish!!!















Really, go on and make one!!!

















Oh please.... they'll never go out with
you!!!


















Wish something else!!!

















Not that, you moron!!!






















Something else! Quick!!!





















Is your finger getting tired yet?




STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great
wish.


Now, to make you feel guilty, here's
what I'll do. First of
all, if you
don't send this to 5096 people in the next
5 seconds, you will be
attacked by
a mad goat and then thrown off a high
building into a pile of
manure. It's
true!

Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like
all of those fake ones,
THIS one is
TRUE!!

Really!!! Here's how it goes:

Send this to 1 person:
One person will be mad at you for
sending them a stupid chain
letter.
Send this to 2-5 people:
2-5 people will be mad at you for
sending them a stupid chain
letter.
5-10 people:
5-10 people will be mad at you for
sending them a stupidchain
letter.
10-20 people:
10-20 people will be mad at you for
sending them a stupid
chain letter.
20 to 674, 951 people:
20 to 674, 951 people will be mad at
you for sending them a
stupid chain
letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this
letter. You see, there is
a starving
little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who
has no arms, no legs, no
parents,
and no goats. This little boy's life could
be saved, because for
every time
you pass this on, a dollar will be donated
to the Little Starving
Legless
Armless Goatless Boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember,
we have no
way of counting letters sent and this is
all bull. So go on, reach
out. Send
this to 5 people in the next 47seconds.

Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally
send this to 4 or 6
people, you will
die instantly. Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in
existence since 1897. This
is
absolutely incredible because there was no
email then and probably
not as many
little 8 year olds writing chain letters.
So this is how it works.
Pass this
on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes
or something horrible
will happen to
you like:

Stupid Horror Story #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from
school on Saturday. She had
recently
received this letter and ignored it. She
then tripped in a crack
in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed
down a drainpipe in a
flood of
poopie, and went flying out over a
waterfall. Not only did she
smell nasty,
she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Stupid Horror Story #2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
letter in his mail and
ignored it.
Later that day, he was hit by a car and so
was his girlfriend. They
both died.
Their families were so upset that everyone
related to them (even by
marriage)
went crazy and spent the rest of their
miserable lives in an
institution. This
Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and
Bip did. Just send
this letter to
all of your loser friends, and everything
will be OK.

Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I
wrote. Send it to every one
of your
friends.

Friends

A friend is someone who is always at your
side,
A friend is someone who likes you even
though you smell like poop,
A friend is someone who likes you even
though you're disgustingly
ugly,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you
after you've soiled
yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all
night while you cry
about your
loser life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like
you when they really
think you should be
attacked by a mad goat and then thrown
in a pile of manure,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet
and vacuums and then
gets the check
and leaves and doesn't speak much
English, no sorry - that's
the cleaning
lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain
letters because he
wants his wish
of
being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be
eaten by wild goats.

Chain Letter Type 5:
This e-mail is wicked-cool! It was
started by Microsoft to
test its
e-mail tracking system because, you
know, a big high-tech
company like
Microsoft always sends important new
software out over the
internet to
be available to any moron who can
operate a computer, right?
Plus, they
have formed a secret merger with Disney
Corp., who has agreed
to give up
millions of dollars in revenue by
giving everyone who reads
this e-mail,
passes it on, looks at it, knows
someone that looked at it, or
is related
to someone who is a friend of someone
who looks at it A FREE,
ALL-EXPENSES-PAID TRIP to Disneyland,
DisneyWorld, or
EuroDisney! So
pass this on to everyone you know that
is gullible enough to
believe this
(or not)!
Even if it's not true, hey insulting
all of your friends by
implying that
they are
gullible by sending this to them is
worth the improbable chance
that you
could go
to Disneyland! Even if you lose all of
your friends because
they are tired
of receiving this kind of junk from
you, it's worth the chance,
right?
And just for good measure, if you don't
send this on, Microsoft
will send
its specially trained attack-goats to
pilfer your house and eat
all of your
family,
SO SEND IT ON!!!!!


Chain Letter Type 6:

VIRUS WARNING!!!
If you receive an email entitled
"Badtimes," delete it
immediately.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is
pretty nasty. It will
not only
erase everything on your hard drive,but
it will also delete
anything on
disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetizes the
stripes on
ALL of your credit cards. It
reprograms your ATM access code,
screws up
the tracking on your VCR and uses
subspace field harmonics to
scratch
any CD's you attempt to play.
It will re-calibrate your
refrigerator's coolness settings so
all your
ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone AutoDial to
call only your
mother-in-law's
number.
So be careful! Forward this to all of
your friends, relatives,
neighbors, family, enemies, plumbers,
garbagemen, stock
brockers,
doctors, and any other acquaintances!
It's for their own good! Thank you.


Chain Letter Type 7:

Here is a cute picture I drew.

(\ /)
( \ / )
( \ / )
( /<\ )
( / \/ \ )
/ \ __
( ) ( )


It is a decapitated angel. Send it on to
all of your friends so it
will
brighten their day like it did yours! If
you don't,
demon-possessed goats
will move into your house and eat all of
your socks, leading you to
believe
that something is wrong with your washing
machine because all of
your socks
keep disappearing. Have a nice day!!!

There. Now that we've covered and dumped on
the seven main types of
chain
letters, onto the ironic part. In order for
this to get any
popularity, send
it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at
all, don't bother, but
otherwise
forward this sucker to everyone you know!!
If you don't, I don't
care, but why
not show this around? Take two minutes and
forward it. Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you
get a chain letter,
ignore it.
If it's a joke or something, send it, sure,
but if it's gonna make
people feel
guilty (i.e. the goatless boy from
Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or
nervous (i.e.
Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall
of turds) just delete
it. Do
yourself a favor, and everyone else in the
world, and say, DEATH TO
CHAIN
LETTERS!!"