Rap Music
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
A form of music (a term I am using for the sake of argument) in which "artists" (term used in the same way as one would use for Television ExecutivesTM) speak words over classic rock music. This is called "Sampling", which is German for plagiarism, which we're all very fond of. Requirements for becoming a rap artist are as follows, in no particular order:
1. Find a previously recorded song from a reputable classic Band. Led Zeppelin is a good choice, because Jimmy Page really needs work, and will star in your music video.
2. Write new lyrics for aforementioned song. Pretend you're a caveman and the only words you know are "Uh-huh" and "Yeah". It goes from there.
3. Make a music video. Get a director that is more interested in flashy special effects and fast cuts than making any attempt at a coherent video. The directors of any major movie blockbuster fit the bill perfectly.
4. Swear! Swear, swear, swear. I can't emphasize this enough. So swear. You'll get a super cool "Parental Advisory" sticker on your album cover, which in reality is a siren's song to impressionable young minds. 5. Have lots of rapper friends. They will demand to be in your music video, but this is a small price to pay for companionship that will last a lifetime. It's that easy! Now, sit back and enjoy one of the most lucrative jobs in the world, until rap becomes unpopular again around, oh, I don't know, 2002.
1. Find a previously recorded song from a reputable classic Band. Led Zeppelin is a good choice, because Jimmy Page really needs work, and will star in your music video.
2. Write new lyrics for aforementioned song. Pretend you're a caveman and the only words you know are "Uh-huh" and "Yeah". It goes from there.
3. Make a music video. Get a director that is more interested in flashy special effects and fast cuts than making any attempt at a coherent video. The directors of any major movie blockbuster fit the bill perfectly.
4. Swear! Swear, swear, swear. I can't emphasize this enough. So swear. You'll get a super cool "Parental Advisory" sticker on your album cover, which in reality is a siren's song to impressionable young minds. 5. Have lots of rapper friends. They will demand to be in your music video, but this is a small price to pay for companionship that will last a lifetime. It's that easy! Now, sit back and enjoy one of the most lucrative jobs in the world, until rap becomes unpopular again around, oh, I don't know, 2002.
