King Banjo of the Sea Monkeys - Nov 4, 1999

I have 42 Sea Monkeys. They live in a castle. The biggest one is the king. His name is Banjo, so I call him King Banjo. He eats any disrespectful sea monkeys. The sea monkeys swim and swim and swim and sometimes they eat. If you give them the special sea monkey plasma, they will grow extra big and strong.

Banjo is my special friend.

Sea Monkey Sex - Jan 29, 2000

Let me just add that King Banjo has spent the last two weeks mating like crazy.

Watching Sea Monkeys have sex is a rather amusing office pastime. They attach themselves to one another, and them swim furiously around the tank in that position for extended periods of time.

Of course, the best thing about Sea Monkey sex is that it very quickly results in MORE SEA MONKEYS!!!! Sea Monkeys beget Sea Monkeys who in turn beget yet more Sea Monkeys.

The never-ending cycle of life. This is *way* cooler than the Lion King.

Sad day in the life of the Sea Monkeys - Mar 24, 2000

King Banjo has died. Of course, before he went, he ate all of his remaining subjects and kinfolk to protect them from the anarchy of a king-less aquarium.

Let us all offer up a moment of silence, in respect for the passing of this greatest of the brine shrimp.

Sea Monkeys Hatch in Space Shuttle! - Jan 2, 2001

I'd just like to announce that a new batch of sea monkeys have hatched in the official "Sea Monkey Space Shuttle". The Space Shuttle is superior to the Sea Monkey Castle in many ways:

• Pressing the nose cone of the space shuttle automatically aerates the water.
• There's a built in LCD light, to allow all you midnight voyeurs to catch a glimpse of late night sea monkey adventures.
• Suspended mid-shuttle is a neato-keeno figurine of a sea monkey in a space suit.

As the Sea Monkeys are only a week old, no leadership among them has yet emerged. And, since they are really too small to see as of yet, none of them have been named.

Stay tuned for more Sea Monkey updates!

Sea Monkey Shuttle Crew Matures, Speculation Abounds on the New King - Jan 15, 2001

Well, the Sea Monkeys have doubled in size quite a few times over the last two weeks. As soon as their growth plateaus, the special Sea Monkey Growth Plasma will be added. This can be a risky step, as Mutant Sea Monkeys have been known to develop at this phase. However, the addition of Sea Monkey Growth Plasma is generally considered a necessary prerequisite for the emergence of a Sea Monkey King.

Currently, there are two prime candidates for the Kingship of the Sea Monkeys. Unsurprisingly, these also happen to be the two largest Sea Monkeys in the shuttle. Both are quick to dart to the surface when the food supply is replenished. One of the candidates, however, spends the majority of his time excreting bodily wastes. The Sea Monkey Shuttle Crew appears to be debating whether or not this is a "kingly" quality.

Malthusian Crisis Erupts in the Sea Monkey Space Shuttle - March 19, 2001

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Sea Monkeys bred and begat and bred and begat and extended their population beyond what their tiny ecosystem could support. Within 48 hours, the Space Shuttle went from having close to 100 Sea Monkeys, to having only 2.¹

However, the saga has not yet ended, as these 2 brave survivors have already started to breed yet once again.

A Time of Mourning in the Sea Monkey Space Shuttle - April 10, 2001

I am sad to report that all of the remaining Sea Monkeys have passed away. Out of respect for Sea Monkey mourning practices, the space shuttle will remain empty for at least a month.

At some point in the future, the Sea Monkey carcasses will be delivered to a watery, porcelain grave, and a the cycle of life will be renewed with a new batch of Sea Monkeys.