Life after divorce
Created | Updated May 27, 2003
Divorce is the (often sudden) state of no longer being married. (See love and divorce.)
The first thing to remember about getting a divorce is that it is easier than getting married, except that the other person always gets more out of it.
The first thing you realize about being divorced is that being married was easier, again except for the other person. Their life is always better after.
(These two facts appear to violate the first law of thermodynamics, but after some thought you may realize that divorce is mearly a special case of the second law - relative entropy. Don't try to fight it. The other person always wins. Even viewed from the other side.)
After becoming single again, you may take one of two paths. These paths lead to the same place, one is just longer than the other:
1. Jumping into another big relationship right away.
2. Waiting a while, figuring that you have it all worked out and then jumping in.
The next 'big' relationship after a divorce is always a failure. Always. No matter how sure or fated or unbelievable it seems, it's doomed. You're gonna have to do it anyway, but keep it in mind. Also keep in mind that you are going to forget this step while you are going through it. This is the relationship where you truly begin to figure out what happened in the marriage. Depending upon the situation and your state of mind, this can be either a walk in the park or several factors of magnitude more difficult than the divorce.
Being single again presents it's own challenges, especially to the divorced person. (See dating.)
Please review the following list before jumping back into the gene pool:
1. People haven't grown up while you were married. It doesn't matter how mature they seem or how old they are. If they are single, they are basically big kids with more expensive toys. So are you. Embrace it. People usually only appear to be mature while in a relationship, and only to everybody outside of it.
2. The older people get and the more failed relationships they encounter, the more desperate people are. Careful study of this will reveal that by the time you figure out what the hell is really going on with love and life, odds are it's pretty much too late.
This is known as the law of inverse reality perception: confidence = 1/age * baggage.
3. Again, the older you and the people you date are, the sooner you both will want to settle down. Don't. Take it easy. This isn't a race (actually, it is, but you'll get to the finish line in better shape if you only go around the track a few times instead of crashing and having to start over in a busted up car.)