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Euro-English

The European Comission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was another possibility.

As part of the negotiations Her Magesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as 'Euro-English'.

Step1

In the first year 's' will replace the soft 'c'.

Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

Step 2

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter.

Step 3

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterant to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

Step 4

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z'and 'w' with 'v'.

Step 5

During ze fifz yer ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensible riten styl. Zer vil be no more truble or difikutis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer ze drem vil finali kum tru!!