Roommates and EVIL.
Created | Updated Mar 24, 2002
The ideal roommate does NOT:
1. eat someone else's two pound tub of margarine in two weeks and hide the empty container at the back of the fridge.
2. light candles on the windowsill, close the curtains over said windowsill, and leave the room and lock the door.
3. after causing above-mentioned fire hazard, rip the smoke detectors out of the ceiling.
4. take a short cut on garbage detail and instead of bringing trash to the curb, throw 20 plus garbage bags out of the top floor window and onto the lawn
5. after #4, lock doors, and refuse to answer the door at which the landlord is knocking, complaining about said trash on lawn
6. eat everyone's nutella and peanut butter - - by dipping a finger into the jar, licking, redipping,etc - and hiding the empty containers behind the chesterfield
7. just not show up to sign the lease or clean the house or move the furniture, forcing other housemates to do all the work and also open billing accounts for power, heat etc in their names
8. refusing to pay for said bills incurred by him/her and on other people's accounts, and
9. writing bad checks and then leaving town
10. refuse to ever buy toilet paper. use all the toilet paper. never buy more
11. create an infestation of ants, silverfish, and other undesirable insect life by refusing to ever clean or take out garbage
12. pretend to wash the dishes but really just put filmy, cruddy, slimy and unsanitary dishes back into the cupboard
13. use huge amounts of mayonnaise and ketchup on plates and never rinse them off, then leave them for weeks before doing #12.
14. drive a rusty car with a suspended license, fraudulent insurance, an expired plate, an oil leak - and then park illegally, speed, and fail to yield
15. try to kill the pets of other roommates
16. cause irreparable damage to expensive equipment of other roommates by using it without permission and having no respect (eg. computers, printers, stereo systems, refridgerators)
17. have intolerable foot odour - to the extent that other roommates can tell where he/she has been by following the stench in a blood-hound-like manner.
18. urinate on the floor of other roommate's rooms
19. take other roommate's clean laundry and throw it on the floor
20. and urinate on it.
21. wipe mucus on other people's property
22. refuse absolutely to ever ever ever bathe or use soap for any purpose.
23. refuse to wash clothing, but when eventually doing it, using other people's laundry powder
24. imbed hair-removal wax into the pile carpet.
25. leave used sanitary products in inappropriate places
26. leave televisions, computers, and stereos (none belonging to him/her) on at top volume and then leaving.
27. lie incessantly
28. spend all his/her money on alcohol, cigarettes, and illegal narcotics and then bounce rent and bill checks and
29. ask to "borrow" food, clothing, and sanitary products
30. invite 100+ strangers to a home for a party - at someone else's home
31. accept a generous offer of free housing while unemployed, and then fail to look for employment for months, preferring to mooch off of "friends"
32. break the lease without any warning, simply moving away
33. leave a roomful of garbage behind
34. vomit in the kitchen
35. not clean up #34 for three days, in the summer heat
36 get angry whenever distraught roommates complain about #34-35
37. gain 60 pounds in one year
38. - by eating other people's food
39. rip other people's clothing by "borrowing" it (stealing), while being five sizes larger than the "loaner"
40. watch television for an average of 14 hours/day
41. - on someone else's tv
42 - and refuse to pay the cable or hydro bill
43. break the chesterfield by sitting on it for 14+ hours/day (eating nutella and margarine)
44 speak about complications caused by vd
45. have vd
46 scatter candy wrappers everywhere
47 drink other people's carbonated beverages
48 leave lids off of other people's carbonated beverages
49 make food in another roommate's brand new cookpot
50 not eat food made in other roommate's brand new cookpot - letting it go mouldy for four months
51 try to throw away aforementioned cookpot
52 start fires in other people's appliances
53 break other people's dishes and try to hide the remains in the bottom of the garbage
54 spread lies about roommates to joint friends and co-workers
55 have Body Odour
56 have a debt of several thousand dollars before moving in - and not telling roommates
57 assume that other people's electronic equipment is there for his/her personal use
58 erase other people's answering machine messages without telling others
59
more to follow.
1. eat someone else's two pound tub of margarine in two weeks and hide the empty container at the back of the fridge.
2. light candles on the windowsill, close the curtains over said windowsill, and leave the room and lock the door.
3. after causing above-mentioned fire hazard, rip the smoke detectors out of the ceiling.
4. take a short cut on garbage detail and instead of bringing trash to the curb, throw 20 plus garbage bags out of the top floor window and onto the lawn
5. after #4, lock doors, and refuse to answer the door at which the landlord is knocking, complaining about said trash on lawn
6. eat everyone's nutella and peanut butter - - by dipping a finger into the jar, licking, redipping,etc - and hiding the empty containers behind the chesterfield
7. just not show up to sign the lease or clean the house or move the furniture, forcing other housemates to do all the work and also open billing accounts for power, heat etc in their names
8. refusing to pay for said bills incurred by him/her and on other people's accounts, and
9. writing bad checks and then leaving town
10. refuse to ever buy toilet paper. use all the toilet paper. never buy more
11. create an infestation of ants, silverfish, and other undesirable insect life by refusing to ever clean or take out garbage
12. pretend to wash the dishes but really just put filmy, cruddy, slimy and unsanitary dishes back into the cupboard
13. use huge amounts of mayonnaise and ketchup on plates and never rinse them off, then leave them for weeks before doing #12.
14. drive a rusty car with a suspended license, fraudulent insurance, an expired plate, an oil leak - and then park illegally, speed, and fail to yield
15. try to kill the pets of other roommates
16. cause irreparable damage to expensive equipment of other roommates by using it without permission and having no respect (eg. computers, printers, stereo systems, refridgerators)
17. have intolerable foot odour - to the extent that other roommates can tell where he/she has been by following the stench in a blood-hound-like manner.
18. urinate on the floor of other roommate's rooms
19. take other roommate's clean laundry and throw it on the floor
20. and urinate on it.
21. wipe mucus on other people's property
22. refuse absolutely to ever ever ever bathe or use soap for any purpose.
23. refuse to wash clothing, but when eventually doing it, using other people's laundry powder
24. imbed hair-removal wax into the pile carpet.
25. leave used sanitary products in inappropriate places
26. leave televisions, computers, and stereos (none belonging to him/her) on at top volume and then leaving.
27. lie incessantly
28. spend all his/her money on alcohol, cigarettes, and illegal narcotics and then bounce rent and bill checks and
29. ask to "borrow" food, clothing, and sanitary products
30. invite 100+ strangers to a home for a party - at someone else's home
31. accept a generous offer of free housing while unemployed, and then fail to look for employment for months, preferring to mooch off of "friends"
32. break the lease without any warning, simply moving away
33. leave a roomful of garbage behind
34. vomit in the kitchen
35. not clean up #34 for three days, in the summer heat
36 get angry whenever distraught roommates complain about #34-35
37. gain 60 pounds in one year
38. - by eating other people's food
39. rip other people's clothing by "borrowing" it (stealing), while being five sizes larger than the "loaner"
40. watch television for an average of 14 hours/day
41. - on someone else's tv
42 - and refuse to pay the cable or hydro bill
43. break the chesterfield by sitting on it for 14+ hours/day (eating nutella and margarine)
44 speak about complications caused by vd
45. have vd
46 scatter candy wrappers everywhere
47 drink other people's carbonated beverages
48 leave lids off of other people's carbonated beverages
49 make food in another roommate's brand new cookpot
50 not eat food made in other roommate's brand new cookpot - letting it go mouldy for four months
51 try to throw away aforementioned cookpot
52 start fires in other people's appliances
53 break other people's dishes and try to hide the remains in the bottom of the garbage
54 spread lies about roommates to joint friends and co-workers
55 have Body Odour
56 have a debt of several thousand dollars before moving in - and not telling roommates
57 assume that other people's electronic equipment is there for his/her personal use
58 erase other people's answering machine messages without telling others
59
more to follow.
