h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ah, right. Very dancey though, isn't it? I like Ado Annie - was in Oklahoma when I was little and thought that was a good part, though ours couldn't sing...

It's not so much getting on with the director, it's more not having a lot of faith in her skills.

Lois is quite a dancy part, yes. But you can get away with sexy movement rather than all out acrobatic twirlings.

Oh, well that's me right out then!

So....

Tuesday's rehearsal was pretty exhausting. We learnt another new load of stuff, went through what we'd learnt last week, revised the banjo number a couple of times as the banjo player was there, went back to the newest number again, then finally did the posh people's dance which we learnt ages ago. That was a complete nightmare as there is a bit at the end where we have to polka in couples: eight bars of polka then four spins, change partners, another eight bars of polka, another four spins etc. Apart from the fact that I feel sick and dizzy after the first lot of spins, there were quite a few people missing on Tuesday so you never quite knew whether the next bloke was your partner or not.

Suffice to say, I ended up hot, knackered and feeling as if my head couldn't possibly take any more information. I also felt slightly concerned that we are at this stage with only four weeks to go. I enjoy the dancing, it's great, but learning new stuff at this stage, especially fast, complicated new stuff, is quite a pressure, especially on the people who never practice and don't know what they're doing.

There's one person in particular who drives me up the wall as she never knows where she is supposed to be or what she's supposed to be doing. She just vaguely copies the people in front of her, but as a) she's always in a different place as she can't remember her positions and b) the people in front of her are sometimes doing different things, this looks dreadful. Especially when, as happened on Tuesday, she ended up shuffling about trying to copy the principals instead of us, because they were in front of her and we were next to her.

I actually gave up reminding her to join in with us for one bit as it was actually easier when she forgot and just stayed at the side of the stage. Otherwise she just gets in the way and we have to physically give her a gentle shove or we'd never get off in time. I feel bad as she's old but she has absolutely no idea. I hope if I ever get to that stage someone tells me to pack it in and stick to concerts.

The amount of rehearsals some people are missing is staggering too. I'm paranoid about missing rehearsals as I know how hard it is to catch up, especially when we're learning new stuff, but some people seem to miss every other one! The choreographer has actually started replacing some of them with other chorus members, in those bits they're doing as part of a small group.

Found out that the person I thought was directing Kiss Me, Kate is actually just doing the musical direction again. Unknown (to me, anyway) director and choreographer. I know the temptation to be in it will be so strong, but I really can't do two shows at once. I'm finding it hard at the moment being out three nights a week with HAS and Twelfth Night, and my cold still hasn't gone after two weeks - in fact, is worse today than it has been all week - so I need to take it a bit easier I think.

That does sound rather an exhausting rehearsal... Maybe you should point out the shuffling person to the principals. If you have a or two, they'll soon get all -like if they think someone's encroaching on their territory...

David - not a divo, honest!

Don't think they'd mind as they're in front of her... Don't seem to be any divas in this either, which is a very good thing!

Was it like this in the Mikado? With my group the choreography will be set at least a month before the show starts - even if some numbers need a *lot* more practice before they appear polished, and may be 'tweaked' in the final weeks if they still don't work.

I'd query the choreographer about the clueless one. Maybe a word from the top will help her focus - she might benefit from extra practice, and taking notes. Mind you it is always better to have someone else on stage dancing worse than you, to draw attention away from your own feet If someone is having difficulty remembering their steps there should always be opportunities to go through them with a more competent dancer one-on-one - after all it makes the whole dance look better if everyone can dance it.

Hi Pimms,

The Mikado had much less dancing - no dancing in fact, just movement. I do remember it being a bit last-minute again though, think it's a feature of the group.

I don't really think I can mention the clueless one to the choreographer without making it sound as if I'm trying to tell her what to do with her blocking. And in all honesty, I think if the clueless one practised for 100 years she wouldn't get it - she's old, and completely out of her depth. She doesn't ask anyone for help either, doesn't take notes, doesn't concentrate at all. The rest of us are always off practicising with each other when we're not needed and asking each other how bits go. Even when we try to help and tell her where she goes she just nods and says 'yes, yes, I know'. I don't understand whether she thinks she's doing really well or if she thinks people won't notice, but they do, oh yes, they do.

It would be a massive job to try to get her remembering the steps as she can't even remember where she is supposed to be standing on the stage.

I'm giving up because it'll drive me mad otherwise. It's not my job to sort her out, and if the choreographer and director don't notice or feel they can't say anything, then it's just a shame that it'll detract from the quality of the show. Perhaps I set my standards too high, but I know that one or two people who don't know what they're doing onstage labels a production well and truly 'amateur'.

You've covered all the 'easy' options I can think of. I think the best solution would be to just kill her then.

I dissociate myself from the previous remark. I cannot be seen to condone murder.


How about breaking her leg?

I withdraw the last remark too. Unfortunately I think she is beyond any reasonable advice I can offer.

A truly incompetent chorus member can distract from the rest of the well-oiled machine that is the show, and if it's a chorus-heavy show they can actually take away from the achievements of the rest of the ensemble, principals and chorus alike (they have to be monumentally bad to do that, though). Audiences may not expect perfection when they see an amateur show, but they cannot help but have their eyes be drawn to the member of the chorus who is doing the steps the wrong way round or is picking their nose or whatever.

One of our chorus guys is rather dreadful at the whole choreography thing (worse than me ), and various people have to expend lots of time and energy going through things with him (while he just looks baffled and does the same wrong thing over and over again). He's getting there, though.

I'd be quite tempted to go with Pimms' first suggestion.

Exactly David - the eyes are always drawn to the person who gets it wrong. At least your chap seems to be doing SOMETHING, even if it's wrong. The half-hearted, vacant shuffling I'm seeing can't possibly turn into any steps, let alone the right ones...

Will stop being now. I know she's enjoying herself, but people are paying £11.50 to see this and I feel we should make a bit of an effort!

OK, so I now I feel really guilty...

At rehearsal last night, a friend told me the clueless one actually asked to be taken out of one of the more complicated numbers near the beginning of rehearsals, as she said she didn't think she'd be able to do it. The choreographer refused to take her out, and lo and behold, she can't do it. Apparently she said to someone else that she doesn't think she'll do any more shows as she doesn't feel able to cope. So now I feel rather sorry for her and have resolved not to be bitchy about her any more, but instead of pushing her, try to help her, even if this only involves guiding her around in a friendly sort of way.

On a more general note, I can't believe we only have five rehearsals to go before we open - one of which is a band call. Five. 5. I think it's probably better not to think about it or I may just panic!

Show is looking as though it needs months more work, not a couple of weeks. People are starting to get stressed out, not only the director (who told us off last night for not acting), the musical director (who told us off for not knowing the words or the tunes (fair enough!)) or the choreographer (who didn't tell us off and is still trying to remain positive but I suspect is having a few sleepless nights); but also the cast who are struggling to keep up.

It's a shame because I'm having a lot of fun - the principals are mostly good, the costumes and set will look great, and the choreography is actually really good, just too complicated for many people. We should have been going over every dance at least once a week, whereas because we've had to keep re-doing it for the people who weren't here, or the people who haven't got it yet, we have never really made much progress.

In this spirit of last-minute panic, rehearsals have now been extended to finish at 10.30 instead of 10.00. We're going through all the dances on Thursday night, and the whole show on Sunday (which will be useful but tiring, I suspect).

Apparently the group is always like this - a complete mess until the last week - but I don't see why that needs to be the case with six months' rehearsal time. Thank goodness I've got the week of the show off - I'll need it by then!

I'm sure it'll turn out fine in the end, but I suspect many more telling-offs before then. Which is a pain to those of us who do turn up, do learn our words, do practice our dances, do act and give a performance etc. I couldn't believe there were still so many people missing last night. The choreographer is having to re-set some of the dances to take account of people who consistently don't turn up. A few of them I haven't seen for weeks so goodness only knows how they're going to catch up. I suspect one of them may not come back now.

I know I moan a lot but I'm actually really looking forward to it, I love doing the dancing, and am practicising like mad to make sure I know what I'm doing. It's just frustrating when people sing the same thing wrong every time, despite being told, or when you rush to your position only to find someone else standing there looking vacant.

Aaargghh!! Focus, people!!!

Poor confused lady - that was rather mean of the choreographer.

Yes, although I think she was actually doing it in a spirit of fairness, and actually believed the clueless one would get there in the end. That's been the main problem, I think - she's tried to be very fair with what she's given people to do, so many people have ended up being pushed beyond what they're comfortable with. And they don't want to go there...

Thanks for the . I'm absolutely shattered today . Just trying to do so much at the moment, plus a few late nights and having difficulty switching off. I woke up at about 4.00am with bits of songs and steps running through my head.

Have just realised I was a week ahead of myself and we actually have seven rehearsals left, not five. Woo hoo!

So, either people will leave for a choreographically less demanding society. leaving the committed, enthusiastic and more capable ones, or the choreographer will be lynched and the next show will be at a lower choreographic standard, possibly both.

Well done on staying positive so far...

Thanks Pimms. I'd rather the former than the latter I suppose, as the choreographer is really very good, and extremely patient.