h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My German Short Haired Pointer has been off on vacation. When he goes, he often writes home to discuss things he's been thinking about while on the road. (Hey, what are you laughing about? He's a smart dog!) Recently his letter responded to my concerns over global warming, the need for a new renewable fuel source, and the frightening increase in obesity in the U.S. Here is an exerpt from his letter:

Sometimes all it takes to solve the worlds problems is a new way of looking at things. Sometimes you need to get the geniuses out of the way and hire someone lower down the food chain, like myself.

So there I was, thinking about what they claim is the reason for global warming, the greenhouse gas CO2. Well, anyone with a fundamental high school chemistry knowledge can surely sort this out. CO2 is carbon and oxygen. H is Hydrogen. So it stands to reason that if you mix the two together, you get what? CARBOHYDRATES.

And everyone knows that carbohydrates are what you find in snacks. So if we mix our CO2 with H, and make snacks, then eat the snacks, we get what? FAT.

So then you simply use liposuction to harvest the fat, and we SELL IT FOR FUEL!

I've even gone to the trouble of refining the solution a little further, as a result of a Pomeranian I met pointing out that there probably aren't enough doctors to perform the liposuction. What you do, is add a drive-up liposuction window to fast food restaurants. That way people can pick up their carbohydrates and pay for it with their fat deposits.

You see? We've solved global warming and our energy shortage and obesity and provided a way to cut the cost of fast food, all in one fell swoop. Next time you need a new solution, ask a pointer.